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Open Poetry #20
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She Said................Hello
| Open Poetry #20 |
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She Said................Hello |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart 
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She Said............Hello It was an incredible first word a beginning and a promise blended into a breath becoming a given pledge the creation of paradise on earth a coming home a warmth an opening invitation to forever the creation of paradise on earth and like the sound of angels wings like spirits of old welcoming new a pronouncement of the heart pressed soft to the ear of the receiver the creation of paradise on earth all she bestowed was the whisper of eternal sun a sanctuary for the soul endless journeys into night promises never to be forgotten it was an incredible first word |
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| © Copyright 2002 Karilea Rilling Jungel - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Karilea Sometimes a word is all. Sometimes it is, "hello". |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
A beautiful poem for a beautiful word, Sunshine... Hopefully the syllables will never be reversed...  |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
Kari darling sister of my soul’s heart This is one of your finest poems ever it shines like a jewel in an ocean of mediocrity. Not that your work is ever mediocre it isn’t and never has been but this is utterly outstandingly good. Absolutely perfect flow, I love it, utterly utterly excellent writing    Love and warm stuff As always Mushy To give light to them that sit in darkness..... to guide our feet into the way of peace Luke 2:79 |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Karilea, this left me with a smile tonight. Enjoyed the 'Hello' from you! ~Hugs~ ~Somewhere in my heart I'm always |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
Beautiful KJ....very soft... What did they say before the telephone was invented....?????..... Isn't it nice to think that we have all been given that opportunity....The first word often heard....The anticipation prior to the utterance of one word....so innocent, yet so powerful... Very nice...thought provoking poem... |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
I believe this is my favorite of your work that I have read to date. Very beautiful and musical to read. ThisDiamond |
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Greeneyes 
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind |
Karilea~ very touching....  a simple word with so much meaning....Lauren~ ~Sinking fast into |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Karilea, Wow...and I almost missed it! Very thought provoking indeed. It's never too late to have a good childhood! Woohoo! |
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KimW Member
since 2000-03-04
Posts 268Medford, Oregon, USA |
- And this is a beautiful way to express it! Absolutely lovely. |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
Karilea, okay, now I have a favourite! I love this! Take care, Melissa~ "Poetry is not an opinion expressed... |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
And how sad when one misses that one call that starts with a simple hello.  A beautiful piece of work Karilea. ~* Sharon *~ |
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Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast |
smooth images lady...dug the view into your thoughts |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
You can only smile in recognition. |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
"all she bestowed was the whisper of eternal sun a sanctuary for the soul endless journeys into night promises never to be forgotten it was an incredible first word"  (smiles) Oh Karilea, this is beautiful, this delighted my heart reading it to know of such this magic of this very word and how it can tell us so so much! (big hugggssssss) May she always bade you welcome happily, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Karilea, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton |
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Pearls_Of_Wisdom Member
since 2000-09-02
Posts 175 |
Hey Sunshine, It's been a while. How have you been? I liked this. Simple, but heartfelt. A moment in time. One suggestion: the line "pressed soft to the ear of the receiver" seemed a little awkward to me, but I like what you're trying to do with it. Maybe it's just the "receiver" part sounds too formal. What about "pressed soft to the (or my) ear" or something? Okay, I lied. Two suggestions. The second is that I'm not crazy about "the creation of paradise on earth". I think it's just too big or abstract (especially since a line has to be very strong to stand as its own stanza) and it takes me out of the scene between the speaker and the son/daughter. I did like "it was an incredible first word", though, and I didn't mind that being repeated. You're right. Some words bring up a lot. Anyway, those are my thoughts. What do you think? Ashley |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Karilea~ 'all she bestowed was the whisper' The all of this fell so softly to the page~ Lovely poetic whispers~ *Hugs* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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Bridget Shenachie Senior Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 1056Kansas USA |
Hello !This is beautiful! Shenachie |
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