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Open Poetry #20
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RosePetal
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since 2001-08-26
Posts 2985
South Florida

0 posted 2002-04-22 04:41 PM


Why do you laugh
At my every single word?
Are you looking out for my behalf
Secretly thinking I'm a nerd?

You laugh as I talk
As If something's out of place
Eyeing me like a hawk
With a shrink-free smile on your face

It's apparent that I amuse you
Nothing but a 24-7 clown
I guess I'll have to excuse you
For depriving me of your frown

It's as if your emotions
are somewhat out of service
Lukring deep in an ocean
And my current makes you nervous

Maybe you're naturally shy
Looking to make a good impression
Perhaps and overly happy guy?
Needing an ice-breaker extension

I really need to know
If you're truly into me
Or am I just your circus show
Entertaining you daily?


© Copyright 2002 Joanna - All Rights Reserved
Silver Streak
Member Elite
since 2002-01-02
Posts 3625
FL, USA
1 posted 2002-04-22 04:49 PM


Nice poem, Joanna. Good metaphor, well done.

((Joanna))
-newell

Sharing God's Love through perfectlovepoetry.com

Copyright: 2002 Newell Elsworth Usher

Magnus
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since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA
2 posted 2002-04-22 04:52 PM


Joanna....this is very good....I guess it is
no more laughs time....and cut through the
chase....

You have said it well!

Mistletoe Angel
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Portland, Oregon
3 posted 2002-04-22 05:00 PM




(giggles in delight) Oh my gosh, you have told me so very much about this person at work, it must feel so very strange and I couldn't blame wondering how he must really be thinking! (kiss on lips) This is gorgeous, sweet friend, your words always delight my day, I love you so much! (kiss kiss)



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

Enchantress
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since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
4 posted 2002-04-22 08:34 PM


Wonderful Joanna!
You tell it like it is!
Enjoyed sweetie.
~Hugs~

*You got my back?*

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
dancing with you in the summer rain~

Bill Charles
Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now
5 posted 2002-04-22 09:35 PM


RosePetal - great write Joanna. Never would your poems or you to be laughed at...

BC

Marsha
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Maidstone Kent England
6 posted 2002-04-22 10:00 PM


Rosey posy darling girl as always your writing portrays such depth and understanding of human nature. This is absolutely a magnificent piece from you, the power of the words and the metaphors are exquisite. Truly outstanding writing. You excel at this type of character picture painting, truly excellent writing

Utterly utterly superb darling heart well done

Love and warm stuff
As always
Mushy


To give light to them that sit in darkness..... to guide our feet into the way of peace Luke 2:79


paladin
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7 posted 2002-04-23 12:59 PM


The grease paint sometimes hides the tears of a clown.

paladin

Pearls_Of_Wisdom
Member
since 2000-09-02
Posts 175

8 posted 2002-04-23 01:42 PM


Hello,

I enjoyed this.  I can definately relate.  You've hit upon one of those universal experiences here.  I do have some small suggestions, though, which you are free to disregard if you don't find them helpful...

In your second line, I don't think you need both "every" and "single", as they are saying the same thing.  Also, would you consider going for a more uniform rhythm?  Doing so would probably improve the flow.  Right now the number of beats keeps changing from stanza to stanza, making it a little awkward to read.

Let me know what you think.  Once again, good job.

Ashley


RosePetal
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South Florida
9 posted 2002-04-23 03:59 PM


thanks for reading, i enjoy the way ive structured it just fine.  I don't encourage critique's but thanks for offering.
Jesse Jaymz
Senior Member
since 2000-01-24
Posts 708
Youngstown, ohio
10 posted 2002-04-23 04:24 PM


hey hun
*hugs*  nice poem.  i like how you wrote this.  great poem     *hugs*  i would tell ya online how i like it but i am at work and only have msn   but i will talk to you for sure when i get home  *hugs her tight*  
love ya hun
jesse

Another town another hotel room
Another dream that ended way too soon
Left me lonely way before the dawn
Searching for the strength to carry on

PoetryIsLife
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since 2001-10-27
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...in my boxers...
11 posted 2002-04-24 03:02 AM


Hye Joanna

I like the write. Nicely done. I miss chatting! Hope we are able to once again soon. With us both being busy, it's hard. But we will soon.

Sincerely,
Titus

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convinience, but where he stands at times of challange and controversy.

PoetryIsLife
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...in my boxers...
12 posted 2002-04-24 03:04 AM


By the way... *points at picture* That was the one I was referring to.

Sincerely,
Titus

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convinience, but where he stands at times of challange and controversy.

Victoria
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Posts 5869

13 posted 2002-04-24 05:39 PM


Well obviously you give this person alot of happiness ha..hopefully..i wish i could make someone laugh at everything i say ha..it must get on your nerves sometimes though..enjoyed reading Joanna...hugss

                ~Victoria

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