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Open Poetry #20
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The Wedding Gift
| Open Poetry #20 |
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The Wedding Gift |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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of seashell strung-- in perfect symmetry. hanging there-- exiled from the sea. upon a string-- longing for a beach. from a spittoon-- tendrilling the ground's beseech. of brass dove's flight-- hopeful wings in seek. to mock the time-- and me, eternally. There are no bars to lock her in. This dove could fly to paradise, or choose to make her nest within." chiseling my heart to stone. I wept. He walked away from me. I watched my lover go. |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I am not sure I like this - oh, the poem is great, there's no doubt about that. But the symbolism is so sad....sigh. Is marriage a cage? You really write to make us think m'dear.  |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Captured freedom hanging there-- exiled from the sea. Shells as pearls upon a string-- longing for a beach. ===================================== Just feathered chimes to mock the time-- and me, eternally. ==================================== "See? The bird is in mid-flight. There are no bars to lock her in. This dove could fly to paradise, or choose to make her nest within." Then he kissed me on the cheek, chiseling my heart to stone. I wept. He walked away from me. I watched my lover go. ====================================== The metaphor here is sheer poetic brillance ... both in your verse and in the message of the gift...me thinks a little bird is trying to tell you something, me twin...but then you already know that...and ... you know that I know ... and so on. Why do I hear the words to "Captured Angel"(D. Fogelberg) running thru my head? love you KA Heart-hugs mothyme |
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Greeneyes  
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind |
Then he kissed me on the cheek, chiseling my heart to stone. I wept. He walked away from me. I watched my lover go.'' this is hauntingly beautiful.....you write very well Karen~ Lauren~ Step through the |
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Tracey Member Elite
since 2001-08-29
Posts 2808where insanity meets breeding |
"See? The bird is in mid-flight. There are no bars to lock her in. This dove could fly to paradise, or choose to make her nest within." Me, I chose to fly. Yes, marriage is a cage when it’s with the wrong person, as I know only too well. And when it’s like that, escape is not always easy…but it’s so liberating to find the freedom again. Great write Karen, touched me in places, especially this Just feathered chimes to mock the time-- and me, eternally. If she who dies with the most toys wins, then can I have some toy boys please? |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
hauntingly sad yet beautiful. well done Karen. Like a red brick, |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (big hugggsssss) Oh Karen, this is sooooo beautiful yet so very sad, sweet friend, it saddens me to think of marriage being a cage, for you deserve a love that lasts forever and to be free forever in rapture! (kiss on cheek) We all love you so much, sweet friend, my heart goes out to you! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Karen, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
Wonderful writing here. Enjoyed. Chris Life is not measured by breaths you take, but by moments that take your breath away. |
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Alicia Member
since 2002-03-22
Posts 279 |
~You. Sigh. Just so glad that you're posting again. Wish I could construct something a little more giving in regards to the write, but there is this thunk-thud against my chest when I attempt, deeply felt K. *Peace you. |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
So haunting, yet beautiful Karen. Beautifully written... Hauntingly familiar. ~Hugs~ |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I just woke up, so I'm feeling lazy today, so I'm gonna thank you all at once, okay?Ok. THANK YOU...grin and um, sometimes things just are what they are, yanno? The subject of this poem happens to be hanging on my back porch. The guy who gave it to me? Is now my brother-in-law! chuckling now, and yes, my life is that damned weird, and if ya wanna know any more? YOU'LL HAVE TO BUY THE BOOK! (Which will be found in FICTION, of course!  ) |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
hmmmmm. . . something to go along with deVine's thought. . . about marriage being a cage. . . and wondering if it's a cage that one keeps the other in sometimes. . . oh well. . . I should know better than to try to read into things. . . this is great. . . a wonderful work. . .  ---------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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Ivy Rose Senior Member
since 2001-12-29
Posts 1300MA, USA |
serenity...Being a bird who escaped from her cage, I can really appreciate this poem. Fantastic Writing!!!!! ***Ivy Rose |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Beautiful. |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
A really good poem Karen. quote: opinion only--but I think had it ended there, the impact would have been greater. take care, JThere is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar. |
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devina Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539Cali |
Beautifully written with saddened tones me sis...hope you are at least smiling at the moment... Open arms can be the most fragile in the world... |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
wow...all my buddies are here! Thanks for coming! and Jamie? I think I agree with you, I was trying for something narrative though, (I like to jump from style to style) and thought the conversation lent to a story form. But I agree, the last two stanzas in retrospect does render it trite. Thanks all...off to read! |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
There needs to be books of you. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Bless the poet who found this poem and ran it around our own PiP's home for I had missed its first go-round its sad delight a home in heart found |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
serenity I must go along with JM on this one. A brillant write. You are not only a good poet but have a beautiful mind. |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Interesting...I have one of these hanging on my lanai...James |
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BrandeeM Junior Member
since 2002-05-01
Posts 45 |
You've got me thinking now... this piece is amazing!!! |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
Karen, this really hits the reader hard, it is brilliant, bitter, introspective and relatable. You use a theme and metaphor to perfection. Once again, I am in awe of your expression. I'm sure you've heard this song from the 70's..."That's The Way I've Always Heard It Should Be" by Carly Simon (one of my favourite songs, she is so gifted) well, your poem made me think of her profound lyrics. Gawd, there's so much I can say about this piece, dang, girl get your poems published! Take care, Melissa~ "Poetry is not an opinion expressed... it is a song that rises from a bleeding wound...or a smiling mouth" ~Kahlil Gibran~ [This message has been edited by Melissa Honeybee (05-01-2002 04:27 PM).] |
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