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Open Poetry #20
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Forbidden Fruit
| Open Poetry #20 |
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Forbidden Fruit |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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The solitude of secrets kept-- the elation of the hint of love kept cloaked, as though it were a bit of fruit kept selfishly hidden from the starving... a nibble here and one bite there terrified the others will hear the crunch of nourishment or smell bouquet upon the breath. The solitude of secrets kept-- realization of the hint of love kept cloaked, as though it were a bit of fruit kept selfishly hidden from the starving... poisoned now by my own greed terrified the others will see the pain within my eyes or smell the stench of love gone sour upon my breath. I guess I'll just die quietly. |
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| © Copyright 2002 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
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tracie66 Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713Australia |
Oh WOW!!! BRAVO sweet seren this is great, I loved the flow and every word written within it....well done on a finely penned poem ~HUGS~ Tracie "god it's great to be back"  Love is the life of the soul... It is the harmony of the universe [This message has been edited by tracie66 (04-19-2002 09:26 PM).] |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
some pretty powerful words here.... What type of fruit was that?? |
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Krawdad Member Elite
since 2001-01-03
Posts 2597 |
After sweet the sugar turns to acid and bitterness ----- cool write, k |
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J. K. Mitchell Member
since 2002-01-12
Posts 311GA |
Oh you brought tears to my eyes with this one. How true it is that when you have to hide something, especially love, it turns bitter and pain is almost unbearable. "The only love there is, is the love we make."--Prince |
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HopeS Member Elite
since 2000-12-22
Posts 4596Perth Western Australia |
It is always tasty while it lasts Hope |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Karen, Quick...have a Listerine PocketPak!  It's never too late to have a good childhood! Woohoo! |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
tracie? IT IS great to be back--it's a joy to read you again, m'friend!!!! Mag? smiling...what type of fruit? I'd tell ya, but that would be, well, TELLING.  Thank you. E--You are pretty cool yerself yanno. Thanks. I'm loving your work.  J.K.--Don't cry. I've done enough of for both of us. Thanks.Hope--what a beautiful name to find here. I thank you, Hope, for showing up. Larry? Yep, that and therapy oughtta do it. Thank you my funny friend. And I swear good poet people, I'm trying to do better at thank you's. I always appreciate the wonderful replies--forgive me tho, I tend to have a short attention span, and sometimes I even forget that I wrote a poem!  Hugs to all! |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
serenity - magnificent write. Please don't go yet, for your poems are so touching. And you are a most beautiful person. And if you wish, my tears will run with yours into the mist... BC [This message has been edited by Bill Charles (04-20-2002 05:17 PM).] |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Geez, I you did not get stabbed in the back as hard as this sounds. Peace, and a moon dance Sandra |
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Chelsea~ Member
since 2001-02-09
Posts 260Ontario, CANADA |
serenity, I'm new to your poetry, and I must say that you've impressed me. This is clever and so powerful. |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
terrified the others will see the pain within my eyes or smell the stench of love gone sour upon my breath. I guess I'll just die quietly. K...I know a great therapist, she's done wonders for me. LMAO Now is not the time for quiet...but to write. Would you understand if I said, I wish I didn't feel this to the core? Of course, you would. |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
Yes, indeed, this is powerful...and so raw and clever and vivid and relatable. No words can do this justice. This is an awesome write, Karen. Take care, Melissa~ "Poetry is not an opinion expressed... |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
My lovely guitar playin' Bill--thank you dearheart, for your kindness and sweet reply. Very poetic, that. And hey, about the death thing, not to worry, I ain't going until I'm drafted!!! yer a doll. I thank you much.Hey sexy sandra! This time, I managed to stab MYSELF in the back!!!! (I think I pulled something too---grin) Thank you lovie, for being such a kind heart. Chelsea, I thank you for the kind words...my verse can be kind of dark for the taste of some, so if you approve, I consider you a kindred spirit. Beware!  with smiles.Duncan, you are such a sweetie, I wish YOU knew that! Thanks so much, well, just for being. Melissa, You as well fit into the category, of "I know you know I know you understand"...we both tend to write in venom at times, and hey? I LIKE it!!! Hugs, lady bee. Thanks for the buzz! |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Knockdown powerful. |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
The solitude of secrets kept-- the elation of the hint of love kept cloaked, i liked the word "solitude" and i liked how it was used with secrets..very appropriate..it reminded me of a favourite Jeffrey Archer line also.."You deprive me of solitude without offering me companionship"(from one of his short stories) i am hesitant though as to who is the author hiding his love away from...the people around him or his love interest? as though it were a bit of fruit kept selfishly hidden from the starving... a nibble here and one bite there terrified the others will hear the crunch of nourishment or smell bouquet upon the breath. I guess the author is hiding his love from the people around him...but why so? why the paranoia? i mean, shouldn't his friends be happy for him or something? why would his friends mind that he is experiencing love? you implied that they were starving...how so? i thought perhaps they all were jaded and cynical about love but i am still not convinced enough... The solitude of secrets kept-- realization of the hint of love kept cloaked, as though it were a bit of fruit kept selfishly hidden from the starving... poisoned now by my own greed terrified the others will see the pain within my eyes or smell the stench of love gone sour upon my breath. I guess I'll just die quietly. er, i don't quite understand...why would love kept wrapped go sour? i mean, if i like someone and keep my feelings inside and don't tell my friends, i would be resigned about my loser-fate or be worried that they would find out... poisoned by my own greed i raised my eyebrows at "greed"...i think the author is being too hard on himself...i assumed he kept his love cloaked due to his insecurities...why greed then? and how would keeping love cloaked poison the author? loved "stench of love gone sour"...i immediately thought of salted fish...i think the association of stench with love gone sour worked really well... i apologise if i am grossly missing out things |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
ah...you sure pick a doozy to begin with, doncha? This one is very simple...or so I thought. Just go by the title. It is about an illicit love---and how a love that must be kept hidden, eventually sours, as love should be celebrated. I also tried to illustrate the irony of how at first, a taste of forbidden fruit may seem a lifesaver in a seemingly loveless situation, but when that same thing goes bad, the pain must still be hidden. "I guess I'll just die quietly." Who can you complain to, when the thing that you are not supposed to have anyway, has hurt you? That's all. And hey, k, it's okay. I knew what I was writing about with this one! yuk yuk... |
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