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Open Poetry #20
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Cpat Hair
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Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793


0 posted 2002-04-18 10:29 AM



If I pondered on the soul of us
And found the cosmic gods
To be jokers
Playing with each like bored children
Will in tend do when rain keeps
Indoors the active
And on such days they with disregard
For longevity of idea or attention
Do build a fantasy that collapses
When the sun would dry ground
And again they might pursue
The run of leg or stretch of arm
Leaving behind the world built
From their malaise

Would I still believe in you
Or you in me?

Perhaps such philosophy examined
In must of antiquity led to legends
Explaining why fates conspired in ego torn ways
To undo all the affairs of heart and honor
Leaving love to struggle in odds or evens
With each roll or toss of divine will
Until even the stars weep mourning loss
And we
Mere mortals that we are

Gamble hearts
Not knowing the dice are loaded

Still believing in us

© Copyright 2002 Cpat Hair - All Rights Reserved
Martie
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Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
1 posted 2002-04-18 10:33 AM


Ron

"Until even the stars weep mourning loss
And we
Mere mortals that we are

Gamble hearts
Not knowing the dice are loaded

Still believing in us"

Much deep thought in this, my friend...made my heart ache.  Very well done!!


Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
2 posted 2002-04-18 10:38 AM



Cpat, how interesting!  As I began the first stanza, the read was slow and then the words galloped away...

second stanza, same thing...it starts slow, builds dramatically as if you cannot say it all fast enough...

then you bring me back to measured beat of word...

Very good...Very very good...

Marsha
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423
Maidstone Kent England
3 posted 2002-04-18 10:38 AM


Ron darling boy shall I just say something short like this is good writing? Noooooooooooo of course not, because it’s not good writing, it’s stunningly fabulous writing. YOU are a superb writer my friend.

Fabulous writing and the language usage in it is stunning, a deep and meaningful piece with much to ponder in the soul

Absolutely excellent


Love and warm stuff
As always
Mushy


To give light to them that sit in darkness..... to guide our feet into the way of peace Luke 2:79


Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

4 posted 2002-04-18 11:39 AM


Perhaps such philosophy examined
In must of antiquity led to legends
Explaining why fates conspired in ego torn ways
To undo all the affairs of heart and honor
Leaving love to struggle in odds or evens
With each roll or toss of divine will
Until even the stars weep mourning loss
And we
Mere mortals that we are
=================================

that verse is pure magic...the images, the metaphors, personification, phrasing,
Pure Poetry ... Classic Capt.

Mistletoe Angel
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Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
5 posted 2002-04-18 05:43 PM




(smiles) WOW!!! Yes, I too love the "galloping effect" of this verse, it is incredible and well details your thoughts! (big hugggssssss) We are all indeed flesh and blood but we can always become our own heroes as long as we believe in ourselves and find a way to overshadow our fears, which can always prove to be the tragic downfall of a character! (sigh) This is wonderful, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Ron, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

Zinsser
Senior Member
since 2001-02-27
Posts 1641
Calif.
6 posted 2002-04-18 06:18 PM


The whole write is wonderful
I'm with Martie on my favs
What a concept...
~~ Connie ~~

rwood
Member Elite
since 2000-02-29
Posts 3793
Tennessee
7 posted 2002-04-18 06:58 PM


And we
Mere mortals that we are

Gamble hearts
Not knowing the dice are loaded

Still believing in us


I am just so happy, so thankful that mine still beats its wild and rolling beat. Call me crazy..but sane enough to know this is great poetry...hugs!

Sincerely,
Regina

Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455

8 posted 2002-04-18 07:56 PM


And on such days they with disregard
For longevity of idea or attention
Do build a fantasy that collapses
When the sun would dry ground

I often imagine the gods having a good laugh over some of the emotional Disneylands I've dreamt up.  Great write, Ron.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

9 posted 2002-04-18 09:57 PM


I love it all, but the first line endeared me to you once again.

The soul of us...

nice.

And the rest was like licking the bowl.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
10 posted 2002-04-18 11:04 PM


Captain, may I just say...FANTASTIC!!...

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
dancing with you in the summer rain~

suthern
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Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
11 posted 2002-04-19 09:47 AM


This spoke to the very depths of me and drew forth memories of hope and anticipation stopped in their tracks by "can't be"s and "why"s... and the eventual acceptance that "what is" is an incredible gift to be treasured, regardless of what can never be. *S* I like this very much, Cpat. *S*
Corinne
Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167
state of confusion
12 posted 2002-04-19 10:04 AM


Very thought provoking work, Cpat. What else can we do but hope?

Cor

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