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Open Poetry #20
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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738


0 posted 2002-04-16 09:28 AM


Into a darker morning--
      enter I,
  into a soft adorning
of a slivered winter sky,
into a powdered horn
of tamp and stamp of wonder why
  Into a marker: warning--
how dull the silvers dry!


All of this in glitter
singing rounds in swirl
chirping birds in twitter--
garland sounding mirrored girl...


A girl of flash and memory
a lady floating sash
echoes of my memories
and fingers holding ash
    Carbon in a changeling
a diamond in a crust--
all the things I used to be
becoming things I must...


A changeling of coal be I--
crystal made from dust.
The finite point of everything--
a gather of my trust.


A smattering of angels wings
creation in a lather--
cocooning sighs of heaven sing--
all the things I'd rather...


are you...


© Copyright 2002 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved
Krissy
Senior Member
since 2002-02-22
Posts 556
kent England
1 posted 2002-04-16 09:41 AM


Serenity Hi there, this is exceptional writing the inspire simply pours from your poem, so well written I really did enjoy this. The rhythm and the rhyme in this are simply stunning. Oh yes I like this I really do.

Excellent writing, I’m loving the growth of you I really am.


Love and warm stuff
As always
Krissy

And while thy willing soul transpiers
at every pore with instant fires
Andrew Marvell 1621-1678

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
2 posted 2002-04-16 09:51 AM


Serenity:

"A changeling of coal be I--
crystal made from dust.
The finite point of everything--
a gather of my trust."

Beautiful writing, unique, you.


Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
3 posted 2002-04-16 10:20 AM


sigh...I sure have missed your words my dear!! This is truly lovely.
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

4 posted 2002-04-16 10:32 AM


Into a darker morning--
      enter I,
  into a soft adorning
of a slivered winter sky,
into a powdered horn
of tamp and stamp of wonder why
  Into a marker: warning--
how dull the silvers dry!

===========================
A girl of flash and memory
a lady floating sash
echoes of my memories
and fingers holding ash
    Carbon in a changeling
a diamond in a crust--
all the things I used to be
becoming things I must...

A changeling of coal be I--
crystal made from dust.
The finite point of everything--
a gather of my trust.

====================================

KA????????? DO you KNOW how AWESOME this poem is????
I LOVE THIS!! What a gorgeous poem!!
I dont know which impresses me more...
the imagery or the internal rhymes...please dont make me pick   ....then there is the phrasing and vocabulary...and most of all the uniqueness of the images...the colors and the clever mastery of the analogies.
This is one impressive inspire me twin...
forget the vials baby..send me the INSPIRE
I NEED a muse like this  *wink*
(IWIHWT)

SmittenKitten
Senior Member
since 2001-06-20
Posts 1131
where the sky and horizon meet
5 posted 2002-04-16 11:32 AM



Serenity~  This poem is just so you...I love to read your words because they are so unique and eye-opening.

"A changeling of coal be I--
crystal made from dust.
The finite point of everything--
a gather of my trust."


There is so much depth in your writing.....you say everything you want to, AND make it rhyme and flow perfectly.  Amazing

*hugs*
~Krista

Your beautiful words & creativity allow me to connect with the same in myself.  
Thank you for having the courage to share yourself so that I can too

Interloper
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369
Deep in the heart
6 posted 2002-04-16 11:36 AM


YOU certainly can write

Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
7 posted 2002-04-16 11:37 AM


ME?!?!


Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
8 posted 2002-04-16 11:39 AM


Serenity,
Your talent is showing in this one, with a grace seldom seen.

Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

9 posted 2002-04-16 11:40 AM


yes..I agree with Seymour... completely
Moonlight Romeo
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2001-09-10
Posts 982
The heart of you
10 posted 2002-04-16 01:11 PM


And all the things that you are, would be.

Thank you.

What light through yon window breaks?  It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.

Sven
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
11 posted 2002-04-16 03:45 PM


now, I'm going to save this one. . . the message here is loud and clear. . . and that's as it should be. . .

you have only gotten better. . .

-------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

12 posted 2002-04-16 07:25 PM


Into a darker morning--
      enter I,
  into a soft adorning
of a slivered winter sky,  {sigh}
===============================

IM BAAAAAAACCCKKKKKK  
did ya miss me????   hehe

just came back to inhale your rhymes divine one more time...


"garland sounding mirrored girl...

A girl of flash and memory
a lady floating sash"



yer so kewl
kisskiss

skyshine
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2002-02-07
Posts 3058
Beneath the northern stars
13 posted 2002-04-16 07:34 PM


Sometimes I'd rather, too....I loved this!

~sky

I'm in charge, and I say question authority!

wayoutwalt
Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870
TEXAS (it's all big)
14 posted 2002-04-16 07:41 PM


the rhyme pleased my ear
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

15 posted 2002-04-16 08:14 PM


whoa! Hey guys...sorry I disappeared on ya like that--I didn't mean to be rude!

Thanks for the great feedback on this one, it is just great to feel the keys beneath my fingers again!!!

I love ya'll bunches!!!! muah!

Mistletoe Angel
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
16 posted 2002-04-16 09:25 PM


"A smattering of angels wings
creation in a lather--
cocooning sighs of heaven sing--
all the things I'd rather...
are you..."




YAY!!! Oh my gosh, your wonderful words are always so enchanting, sweet friend, this shines with such surreal feeling! (kiss on cheek) It is delight to have you back, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Karen, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

17 posted 2002-05-01 02:00 PM


Spectacular -- an archaic word I never thought I'd use, but it deserves to be dusted off for this.
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