I felt that their small talk was nothing but rumors
That the ladies of Passions were after my bloomers!
A man of my stature deserves some respect
And, if I lost my undies, my name would be wrecked.
So I settled in bed for a nice peaceful sleep
Ever-vigilant ears not detecting a peep
Undies on, blanket-clad to offset evening chill
And, if anyone came, I was programmed to kill.
Around six I awoke with the coming of dawn
And, to my great surprise, my warm bloomers were gone!
Goosebumped legs were a-shiver and my toes were all froze
'Cause some cruel nogoodnick had stolen my clothes!!
Evil fiends! I'd been sleeping when they entered there
And, like thieves in the night, they took my underwear!
I was screaming out loud like a demon possessed
I accused every one but nobody confessed.
Room by room through the house I looked high and then low
I was thorough as Sherlock but they did not show.
All the while there was smiling and winking of eyes
And I just couldn't find them, to no one's surprise.
I walked out on the porch and I lit up a smoke.
When I looked at the flagpole, I started to choke!!
Flying high with the flags in the cold, morning air
Overlooking the water were my underwear!!
Ok, ladies, you win. You are smooth as can be
You were able to charm the pants right off of me!
Perhaps in the future, we'll again meet by chance
And, the next time we do, I'll hold on to my pants!!!!!