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LngJhnAg
Member Elite

since 1999-07-23

Posts 3508
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion

0 posted 2002-04-10 02:38 PM

                 Though little kitties are lovable,
                 They are a menace to us all.
                 Making their Masters fall down stairs
                 Or tripping them in the hall.

                 Thou shalt not trip thy Master and run up $800
                 medical expenses

                 Kitties can be playful,
                 When screen savers appear alive
                 Jumping across their Master's keyboard,
                 And thus disconnecting from online.

                 Thou shalt not interfere with thy Master's
                 cyber fun on the $2,000 PC

                 Kitties can be good bedmates.
                 But when Master's lover is feeling amorous,
                 Kitty can dispel the romantic mood
                 With her accompanying caterwaul chorus.

                 Thou shalt not make a threesome out of a
                 twosome and ruin the aftermath of the $120
                 dinner, $80 theater tickets, and $60 bouquet of
                 roses

                 Kitties can be sleepyheads,
                 But when Master needs alarm clock rings
                 Kitty can make one late for work,
                 By walking on those alarm button things.

                 Thou shalt not take walks on $60 alarm clocks

                 Kitties can be quiet and peaceful,
                 But when the can opener song begins,
                 They jump all over the counters,
                 Then turn up their noses at the offered tins.

                 Thou shalt not ignore the $2 per can gourmet
                 din din

                 Kitties can be loving and loyal,
                 But when any door opens a crack,
                 They shoot through the opening in a flash
                 Without once even looking back.

                 Thou shalt not run outside and cause your
                 Master to worry about the effectiveness of thy
                 $200 spaying and Rabies shots

                 Kitties can be quiet and peaceful,
                 But when another kitty is in heat,
                 They make a terrible racket,
                 And wake up the whole darn street.

                 Thou shalt not carouse and act like Bill Clinton
                 with an intern, or secretary, or job applicant, or...

                 Kitties can be soft and cuddly,
                 But when their claws don't feel just right,
                 They single out the antique chairs,
                 And shred to their heart's delight.

                 Thou shalt not ignore your $150 scratching post

                 Kitties can be soft and furry,
                 But their shedding fills the air,
                 They awaken their Master's allergies,
                 By sleeping wherever they care.

                 Thou shalt not ignore the $90 kitty pillow for
                 catnaps

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2002-04-10 02:41 PM

Does sound as if Musette has not only found a home, but rules the roost...

big grins here....

'bout time you got back into the play of things, LJA...

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

2 posted 2002-04-10 03:21 PM

(grinning) Kitties can indeed be all those things and more....

very amusing...

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

3 posted 2002-04-10 03:30 PM

I think you have the child of mine...I bought her a sleep sofa that opens up..she rarely uses it *s...
M

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

4 posted 2002-04-10 03:38 PM

you know I love it! giggled all the way through

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

5 posted 2002-04-10 04:24 PM

Sailor, sailor, haven't you learned? *sadly shaking head*

Kitties don't follow commandments... they MAKE the rules! LOL Now be a good human and cooperate. *G*

Loved this... miss you. *S*

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

6 posted 2002-04-10 04:41 PM

Long John hasn't anyone told you that kitty's are for those that are lonely and have no one else to keep them company...married folks do not need kitty cats...so says James

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

7 posted 2002-04-10 06:25 PM

Man do I know that!

Thanks for the smile!

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

8 posted 2002-04-10 06:37 PM

LngJhnAg,
You got alot to learn about Kittens. Enjoyed the read.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

9 posted 2002-04-10 06:44 PM

LOL this is too funny!
And...you just named several reasons why...
I don't own a kitty!

~Hugs and nice to see you posting~

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
dancing with you in the summer rain~

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

10 posted 2002-04-10 08:08 PM

One More Kitty Commandment

Thou shalt not kick the defiant kitty...

Hey Sweetie - We'll all miss you guys next week...

Kit McCallum

Administrator

Member Laureate

since 2000-04-30

Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada

11 posted 2002-04-10 08:46 PM

ROFL ... well now ... that's one lucky Kitty LngJohn! Loved your commandments ... sounds like that little furball has found a wonderful loving, home (despite how loudly you might protest).

Best wishes,
/Kit

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

12 posted 2002-04-10 09:20 PM

uh...LngJhn..........who did you say was the master.

My cat told me to say that...but me...I'll just give you a hug cause it's good to see ya.

Tracey
Member Elite

since 2001-08-29

Posts 2808
where insanity meets breeding

13 posted 2002-04-10 10:27 PM

Ah, the lovely Musette is ruling the household I see!!! Looks good on ya LJ…all those years of kitty kicking has come back to haunt you!! Lol

If she who dies with the most toys wins, then can I have some toy boys please?

SmittenKitten
Senior Member

since 2001-06-20

Posts 1131
where the sky and horizon meet

14 posted 2002-04-10 10:56 PM

Kitties, can't live with us, can't live without us!

This is purrrrfectly delightful. Glad to see one of us has finally put you in your place

Meow,
~SmittenKitten

Your beautiful words & creativity allow me to connect with the same in myself.
Thank you for having the courage to share yourself so that I can too

Larry C

Member Patricius

since 2001-09-10

Posts 10286
United States

15 posted 2002-04-10 11:28 PM

LJA,
There you are! Must have been a bad fall...

wandering glider
Senior Member

since 2001-04-04

Posts 501
aloft

16 posted 2002-04-10 11:31 PM

Kitties can be agile and quick
When a potted palm they spy
And try to climb to the top
So all of the leaves soon die.

Thou shalt not trash the house plants
kept through the long winter.

\\
~=====}:
//

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

17 posted 2002-04-11 12:08 PM

Hey, sailor!!! Nobody ever tell ya cats and water don't mix?
.
.

.
Guess what you're getting for Christmas?

.
.

Magicmystery
Senior Member

since 2002-02-13

Posts 821
Windsor, Ontario, Canada

18 posted 2002-04-11 01:58 AM

I have two cats.... Their names are Mischief and Mercury(whom I should have named "Chaos"
They have the run of the place.... do anything they like ... any time.... and we cannot have a sleep without the poor little dears wearing a hole thru the door trying to get in just so they can lay down beside us and POUNCE on our TOES... and talk about hog the bed!!!! I have come to the conclusion that while dogs are Man's best friend, Cats have STAFF... Think about it the next time you clean out the litter box or towel up a furball.....

I loved the poem too by the way....
Love, Light and Peace,

Sherry

Cherish the good memories past and look forward to the adventure called Tomorrow.
But above all... be kind to yourself today.

LngJhnAg
Member Elite

since 1999-07-23

Posts 3508
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion

19 posted 2002-04-11 07:45 AM

Thank you one and all for sympathizing with my plight. Additionally, the extra commandments are mucho appreciato (that's sorta like Italian/Spanish for much appreciated *wink*). Are there any other commandments out there?

Interloper

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-06

Posts 8369
Deep in the heart

20 posted 2002-04-11 09:55 AM

Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice kitty

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

21 posted 2002-06-07 07:04 AM

So who rules the roost
today?

Toerag
Member Ascendant

since 1999-07-29

Posts 5622
Ala bam a

22 posted 2002-06-07 07:59 AM

Thou shalt not make a threesome out of a twosome and ruin the aftermath of a $120 dinner, $80 theatre tickets, ($10 for the star wars tickets, $70 worth of popcorn and coke), $60 bouquet of roses, $250 round trip ticket for Lorelei, and $200 Escort LongJohn hired while Lorelei was out of town.....(Just kidding sweet Lorelei...and this brings back so many memories of the kitty kicking days.....)

SmartChick
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-09-23

Posts 7081
On A Journey To The Unknown

23 posted 2002-06-08 11:22 PM

LngJhnAg, I second Nans commandment!

"Thou shalt not kick the defiant kitty"...

Glad to see you back.

the_loner_23
Member Ascendant

since 2002-06-08

Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA

24 posted 2002-06-08 11:25 PM

I agree kitties cost a lot of money. Good write.

Cold hands means a warm heart

wayoutwalt
Member Elite

since 1999-06-22

Posts 4870
TEXAS (it's all big)

25 posted 2002-06-08 11:27 PM

man i am glad i got to see this classic shtick of yours o yuh!!

Madame Chipmunk
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-12-05

Posts 8296
Michigan

26 posted 2002-06-09 12:16 PM

A really cute write, Longjohn. I love kittens but they soon grow up into cats.
Our cat chewed holes in the box springs of all of our mattresses and the one he made in our bed was really big and he used to hide in there...and then when we went to bed at night, we would feel a lump moving around underneath the mattress.
The only way to get him out was to go downstairs and open a can of catfood!

~ fat cat hugs

Lyra

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled" Gwendolyn Brooks

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

27 posted 2002-06-09 08:33 AM

ROFL...ah, cats certainly do have a mind of their own don't they? They say we can never train cats, but they most certainly can train us

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

28 posted 2002-06-09 08:45 AM

This is puuuurrty near the best kitty poem I've ever read........Fur goodness sakes don't stop telling these tails...claws I like them! I have meown pinion of catalystic writing. Whisker was more of it! I'm always searching felines like these.
Well, pawdon me I got to go now!

bags123
Member

since 2002-06-06

Posts 128

29 posted 2002-06-09 09:07 AM

I love cats. Much more intelligent and at times needy than K-9's. That intelligence is at turns fun and disasterous. Fun Read.

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