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Open Poetry #25
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Remote
| Open Poetry #25 |
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Remote |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704
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1 child hand after life over root blooded in soil, up banks and in the wading-strong river, my stealth past rotting goat heads strung in the branches tunnelling the bamboo haunts on the line I ground words into an awkward silence all the menial things, how’s work, how’s life without her, me, how’s the house Dad 2 like nine when I climbed the trees and stared at the bowl of untextured sky and his voice some part of history in a fragmented background - skipping rope, trees and cats and the soccer ball he bought soft sounding, without the things that once made him a hard man, without arms and the adult/parent relationship: ‘Dad gave me plums from his fruit trees and fixed my broken chair’ there has only been silence 3 home, and wind-loved trees feathered into the stormy grey and I moulded rough bark beneath my fingers, shaping myself in weed strung land watching my reflection in buffalo clouds, Valhalla above my head 4 once, I handed out nails while he fixed the fence no words, just a crazy wind but I was a daughter Now, I’m city-surrounded and hurry in professional haste, still, he’s there - stretching his legs over green, thinking of Ireland we’re both without [This message has been edited by Severn (04-12-2003 07:59 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Kamla Mahony - All Rights Reserved | |||
Nightshade 
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
home, and wind-loved trees feathered into the stormy grey and I moulded rough bark beneath my fingers, shaping myself in weed strung land watching my reflection in buffalo clouds, Valhalla above my head This is oh, so good Severn!! Love it. hugs to you for this write. Chris  |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Severn A melancoly write but a good one, enjoyed. |
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Musicmaker1969
since 2000-06-25
Posts 589Peterborough, Ontario Canada |
Sounds like such a sad rememberance for you. I really enjoyed reminiscing (sp) with you. Jesus lives in my heart! |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Kamla - excellent write - reminded me of my own longing . . . memory - the window of the soul: will carry you through your darkest hours . . . xxoo |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
you're back, you're back, i'm so thrilled! my stealth past rotting goat heads strung in the branches ~what a strange image..i'm thinking, now that can't possibly happen in real life and perhaps K's giving us something out of her nightmares?? on the line I ground words into an awkward silence ~delicious! i like "ground"--it seems to me that it's something you do mechanically and mindlessly...perhaps you want to detach yourself from the awkward silence and the hurt it evokes in you? don't feel too much? and stared at the bowl of untextured sky ~this does has some childlike quality to it...kinda the cliche "the world is my oyster" but better and his voice some part of history in a fragmented background ~the use of "fragmented" intrigues me...somehow it reminds me of people who suffer from selective memory loss heehee...why "fragmented"--is it because you are drawing stuff from diverse sides of his past? a hard man, without arms and ~probably reading too much into it to show my worth as a reader  but i'm thinking "arms" as "part of human body" and "weapons" and how this double meaning makes this stanza more layered4 once, I handed out nails while he fixed the fence no words, just a crazy wind but I was a daughter Now, I’m city-surrounded and hurry in professional haste, still, he’s there - stretching his legs over green, thinking of Ireland we’re both without ~this stanza is more "concrete images" than the rest of this piece...it makes this reader more able to visualise the relationship and feel for the character...and you are so good for these one-liners that sum up the whole piece huh? "we're both without"...what an epitome of understated anguish welcome back!  |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
Always, always good to see your words. And to get a glimpse within. |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
quote: the way you use actions to carry emotion has always amazed me dear. if i were odin, you would have your own special hall. hugs JThere is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar. byron [This message has been edited by Jamie (04-13-2003 10:38 AM).] |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
"We're both without..." All of it, well done, but this, most understood... Karilea - if I whisper, will you listen? |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Kamla "I ground words into an awkward silence" I think sometimes the most important things said, are without words. This is so poignant. Hugs, you! |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
Beautifully written but this aches, it reminds me of my relationship with my father and I ache..still in the grips of fever my body aches so I'm gonna go lie down again..there's a whole lot of aching going on grin..don't mind me I'm hysterical |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
home, and wind-loved trees feathered into the stormy grey and I moulded rough bark beneath my fingers, shaping myself in weed strung land watching my reflection in buffalo clouds, Valhalla above my head 4 once, I handed out nails while he fixed the fence no words, just a crazy wind but I was a daughter Jees K.. I don't know what to say except for Wow! Always an excellent write from you m'dear...just wish it was more often  adding to my library. Mmy |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Thank you all...more personal replies a bit later...  K |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Nice writing...James |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I know that this is more close to the heart than "remote" implies...you write with heart and courage and? There is a positive healing inherent in the tone. I like the way you laid this out, as if in snapshots, and your imagery is total Kodachrome. (er...lest there be confusion, I consider that a compliment--smile) Think I'll keep this one, as I liked the format of it so much, I may like to try this. (and if you don't annoy me, I may even make it free-verse, too!) pppsttt...hey lady, I think y'can walk the bases--you just hit that ball outta the park!   |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Oh My............ … my stealth past rotting goat heads strung in the branches tunnelling the bamboo haunts on the line I ground words into an awkward silence … when I … … stared at the bowl of non-textured sky … … there has only been silence … … … wind-loved trees feathered into the stormy grey and I moulded rough bark beneath my fingers, shaping myself in weed strung land watching my reflection in buffalo clouds, Valhalla above my head … … once, I handed out nails while he fixed the fence no words, just a crazy wind but I was a daughter …hurry in professional haste, still, he’s there - stretching his legs over green, thinking of Ireland we’re both without … your poem has touched me in places you can only imagine... I, so much enjoy reading you... I will tell you that reading your words is a celebration... Thank you Kamla... Regards, Sudhir |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
K It's later; where are our personal replies?  J |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
All right all right...I doubt anyone will see them but you J..but I'll make the effort humph ~twinkle~ Chris - thanks for the hugs and for reading...hugs back.. Hi Sy - nice to hear from you as always..hope you're keeping well. Thanks for reading... Musicmaker - it's an ongoing thing...thanks for reading.. Sue - and sometimes the memory makes for the darkest hour, but we both know that..hugs you...I appreciate your reading very much.. Kaile my matey - wow...what an awesome reply...actually, the rotting goat heads are absolutely true. I grew up mostly in a small rural village, wedged in between farmland and the sea. I roamed all over the land as a child and in one place there was a stand of trees. A farmer, or perhaps a hunter, had strung goat heads in the trees. I don't know why...it was awful and for me, as a child, definitely like something out of a nightmare...had to summon all my courage just to walk past them.Ground out words - you're bang on there really. Just an addition though - not just feeling my way past an awkward silence, but past a whole lot of anger.. Untextured sky...I lived opposite huge cliffs that formed part of the river bank (some bank). My favourite image of them is at dusk, when the setting sun turned them into giant, faceless silhouettes...especially in a cloudless sky.. Fragmented background - Well, another one of those hard moments where I don't want to say too much. Mainly because my parents separated several times before getting a divorce...I moved around a lot - sometimes he was there, sometimes he wasn't...he was a fragment.. hard man without arms - wow, that's one cool interpretation! I'd never thought of it that way. I think to me it was just a way of describing the lack of a bond - no fatherly hugs ra di ra.. etc.. stanza 4 - well...I actually wrote the first part of this in August last year. The whole piece was called Father In August but I didn't really think that would make much sense now heh. At any rate, I was skimming through my word docs the other day and found it and thought - what the hell, I'm finishing it. I believe the difference of months produced a different style in the last stanza. Which I was very happy about... Kaile - your true appreciation of my poetry is everything a writer could want and I'm really quite thankful for it...huggles dear..(can't guarantee more will follow any time soon - I'm still blocked really) Wranx - thank you...I can't seem to write anything other than melancholy 'real' stuff yanno? Jpooh - I believe you. Thank you. HK>SJ Kari - I know you understand. Actually, I think most would understand that sentence, as it stands alone...hugs you.. MLP - yeah, that's too true. Huggles, miss you.. Raph - you're still fevered? Wow, this one has really got you hasn't it...hope you're all better soon m'friend..and fathers eh? Sigh. Mmy - I wish it was more often too!! I swear there is a cork shoved into my writing ability heh...love ya honey.. Jamesy - thankees... Fellow K - there's a positive healing tone? Where? Hah...how'd ya see that one baby lol...no serious - if you read this can you tell me how you see it? Someone once said (I think it was Kaile actually) that my writing seems so detached and I've thought about that...I think it's connected to how I write in images (courtesy Jamie) to convey emotion...I think some can see that more easily than others - the way we each understand and respond to poetry methinks.. as to that baseball image ... glug glug - what?? ~giggle~ thanks dear Suddy - look, can I tell you that you as a reader are to be celebrated. You're one of those people who reads a poem and truly hears what is being said. You just don't know how good that is. Giant thanks and stuff... Jamie - nag  K |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
ya wrong m'love.. I saw them too and I thank you |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
i saw them too..thanks for coming back |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
HK>LK |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
me came back too... celebrated  regards, sudhir |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
well, i just searched for Father In August but to no avail...do you mind posting it? |
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