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Torment
| Open Poetry #25 |
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Torment |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
How do I feel? As if you'd ask. Like the center Of my chest Not ripped out, Just burning Raw red meat Pounded to Perfection Of thin spread On life's bread Tartare Consumed with My al dente ribs One by one Slurped clean With your Vengeance Dripped Sin Famished, are you? No, hunger satiated Awhile Maybe soul Your smile? You ruined your life You sucked my blood Too shallow the grip To shovel your Swallowing me You dug your own Grave Long ago I just can't bear Nor, have the strength To bury you yet. . . . ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. "Desiderata" [This message has been edited by regards2you (04-12-2003 06:35 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Patricia L.Thompson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
I have revised this, however it is not showing yet. This is written because this is how I feel and have felt for years regarding one in my life who is suicidal and has those tendencies...and been unsucessful to date. I feel angry and hurt and not without sympathy, certainly...but eaten alive by the power of such and needed to write it out. Pat ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
.....and the ache of it shows in this. An excellent expression of it, the controlling metaphor and the writing both. Well done. ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
regards2you - I'm sorry that you are living with this. My best to you... BC |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Ed, I thank you so much for acknowledging this, and was on the board since yesterday with not one reply; and coming from you, it means a lot. I rarely, (don't think I've ever), write with such grisly words, but, honestly, no other words for me could capture how I felt. Which did pass, into sadness and sorrow for this person. Rarely do I speak in poetry of current events, however this is one and luckily the person did not succeed Friday night. Often suicide is a chemical imbalance in the brain, tho. sometimes not, and those ~feeling like they want to die~ have no clue as to how we who LOVE them FEEL...particularly, when it is an ongoing problem, and we watching, do all we can, yet indeed are so completely helpless. This is the first time of these episodes, (this the most serious to date) that I allowed myself to FEEL the anger, (after I knew person was safe and back home).... instead of stuffing it again....so unhealthy....and denying it.... this poem is how it feels...to be on the receiving end of a suicidal's tendencies, no matter the why of it. So, thank you for the well done... I'd like to think just one who is suicidal would read this, but I know it would not help when ~they are in the moment~ just probably add guilt and shame and blame and give more power to the insanity. Again, thank you. Bill, You must have replied while I was. Thank you for your compassion. I appreciate you. Hugs, Pat  ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. "Desiderata" [This message has been edited by regards2you (04-13-2003 03:36 PM).] |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Pat - please dont change a word is perfect sorry you had to write it but glad you did this one had to get out and I do know this end of the spectrum too amazing writing just can't bear Nor, have the strength To bury you yet. Peace to you xxoo |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
Pat, you certainly can't hold it in and we shall read and help you along as best as humanely possible Like the center Of my chest Not ripped out, ~i liked the twist in this, it seems natural for me to read "ripped out", given past experiences when reading poetry Too shallow the grip To shovel your Swallowing me ~i liked the way you put it hugs |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Sue, Thank you for your comments. Though sorry, I do know many of us go through this. Glad you mentioned the ending. Thanks you for the peace. Had I not allowed myself to feel the anger I would not yet be feeling the release and the empathy and compassion for this person and all those who are crippled with the desire to die. I would have been somewhere inbetween, wringing my hands and and maybe even in despair.... May God be with all of them and shed His light and healing..His will be done. Kaile, Always so glad to hear from you. When writing that line I almost did use ripped out, and did not, because I truly felt the burning in my chest... there...like so much...well, you read it... Your "hugs", so simply written reached right in and touched me hugely... grins..I thank you... things are much better today, for all concerned....I think there has been a break through... thanking you for your kindness.... ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
Blown away by the power and skill of the write, excellent Pat |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Raph, How nice of you to read and take the time to leave a message on my poetry. Means very much to me...and the excellent, re: power and skill...? Just simply thank you for letting me know it has merit. Hugs, Pat ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Pat~ I came in today to read you and sadly found much of your poetry gone. I hope that my reply to this one won't cause it to get the same treatment. I know you've made your apology and peace with Ron ... and hope the right things will be considered and we'll see you again posting your beautiful poetic thoughts~ I believe you have written from your heart, something that, at the time of writing, didn't involve things as they happened to you here. Strange how words written for one circumstance can circle 'round and encompass another incident. Fully cognizant that there are ALWAYS two sides to that coin as it flips. Hoping that this time, it lands 'heads-up' in your favor~ Until then ... take care lady ... God has His purpose in this life for your writing talent.  *Huglets* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com [This message has been edited by Marge Tindal (06-03-2003 09:27 AM).] |
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tommy New Member
since 2003-06-03
Posts 4 |
touched me,thanks. tommy |
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Foxyoasis Senior Member
since 2003-06-10
Posts 974Atlantic Beach,Fla |
very powerful,good write! |
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