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Open Poetry #25
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littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York

0 posted 2003-04-12 04:41 AM


She cries
blood tears fall
soft and silent  
pennies from Heaven cling
inside of my pockets listen
to the chimes porcelin
clickety clink
whispering wind beside her singing  
lullaby to soothe the
weeping constant
copper bittersweet
biting
reality

she cries
the sky
drip dropping blotted pains
of past stain my window
clouds hold hands old friends
eternalized in tune with
this display of
parade of
last charade of
sweating memories
  
  

[This message has been edited by littlewing (04-12-2003 05:04 AM).]

© Copyright 2003 Sue Eckam - All Rights Reserved
Black Swan
Member
since 2003-02-05
Posts 165
on the moon
1 posted 2003-04-12 05:11 AM


This poem is so vivid and magical, i really liked what i saw in my minds eye when i read it, thank you for sharing i enjoyed ~Talia
Rex Allen McCoy
Member Elite
since 2000-01-30
Posts 2863
Sippin a Timmy's in London
2 posted 2003-04-12 07:21 AM


There's a lot can be said about memories ... some times moods can say it as well as words

nice read

garysgirl
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
3 posted 2003-04-12 08:42 AM


Hi Sue  

It's very sad that along with the  happy,
refreshing, good memories......are hard,
disturbing, tormenting,  bad  memories.
Those are the ones that I want to open up
my mind and get rid of.
I understand this completely, my friend.

Heart Hugs,
Ethel

[This message has been edited by garysgirl (04-12-2003 08:44 AM).]

KoKo
Senior Member
since 2003-02-15
Posts 995
Inside the shadow's shadow
4 posted 2003-04-12 10:00 AM


This is...oh man...i can't even speak...This is wonderful and is definitly going in my private library!!!!!!

I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man.
--Chang Tzu

Bill Charles
Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now
5 posted 2003-04-12 10:17 AM


littlewing - your talent writes from one end of the spectrum to the other. Sad write it seems, but well written as you do...

BC

Ericc
Member Elite
since 2003-01-31
Posts 4178

6 posted 2003-04-12 11:55 AM


Wow...this is a poem that really takes you on an inward journey.
Thanks.
Eric

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

7 posted 2003-04-12 12:18 PM


"drip dropping blotted pains"

This line stood out for me, you managed to incorporte a lot of poetic tools in one wee description. You have alliteration, assonance, and I always forget that other word (for a word that sounds like the thing it defines) but yes all of this is in those four words, which could have easily been overkill but for the constrasting "pains", which kept the rhythm, but didn't go for an obvious cheap rhyme--so it WORKS for me!

Hugs, sweet sue, you keep bringing 'em on, and I will keep reading.

Love ya sis!

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
8 posted 2003-04-12 12:22 PM


littlewing
This is no little thing, enjoyed.

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
9 posted 2003-04-12 01:28 PM


You get better and better you know that? More importantly more creative with each one, more daring with your choice of words and structures..me likes it
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
10 posted 2003-04-12 02:39 PM


you know I can relate to this one...beautifully sad
vandana
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Patricius
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463
USA
11 posted 2003-04-12 07:11 PM


enjoyed this much
littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
12 posted 2003-04-12 09:22 PM


Talia - thank you - was looking for that edge

Rex - thank you - yes memories a window of the soul

Ethel - yes I know you understand - wish you didnt - thank you

KoKo - what a compliment!  Thank you

Bill - thank you so much - hahaha one end to the other - all over the place I be TY

Ericc - thank you - yes inside for sure

K - thank you so much - I know I need work -I am trying - thank you - please keep reading - and commenting - I need it - that line . . .  hehehe wondered about it myself - love ya too sis *smile*

Sy - so good to see you reading - thank you so much

Raph - thank you so much - coming from you that means a lot because you brought me here and helped me to begin writing again - thank you xxoo

Dixie - thank you - so true you are to reading - I always look for you here xxoo

vandana - thank you so much!

Thanks guys xxoo




Paul Wilson
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2002-07-07
Posts 4711
United States
13 posted 2003-04-13 12:52 PM


littlewing~ Visions of yesterday softly spoken. Enjoyed...Paul

"To share my poems with you is to share my heart with you"

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
14 posted 2003-04-13 01:39 AM


Thank you Paul - love to see you reading me always xxoo
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