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nakdthoughts
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since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines

0 posted 2003-04-11 10:19 AM



When Divorce Takes Its Time

It was almost three years ago,
he left me for another.
Within six months he returned.
She chose a younger other.

My town thinks I am crazy
and probably so do you.
But I have to do, what I have to do
as my future, I pursue.

It takes its toll on me sometimes,
I feed him all his meals.
I'd rather him stay healthy
than spin on drunken heels.

He lives here but not with me,
his pride won't let him stay.
Maintains his singleness, austere,
and lives his life this way.

A nomad kind of life it is,
moving in between
the bars and home and taverns that
fulfill a youthful scene.

A menopause of sorts, I think
just like my space in time.
Divorce is never easy,
as I sip my own in rhyme.

He waits, I wait, until its right
the time when each can be
able to live life again,
no bills, no debts and free.

So if you wonder why I'm still
attached and have no love
I'm waiting wanting not a fight,
a peaceful split thereof.

M

"Love is not blind - It sees more and not less, but because it sees more, it is willing to see less."
(Will Moss)

© Copyright 2003 Wynter Bliss - All Rights Reserved
WhiteRose
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since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208
somebody's dungeon
1 posted 2003-04-11 10:27 AM


Dear M,

So if you wonder why I'm still
attached and have no love
I'm waiting wanting not a fight,
a peaceful split thereof.

How well I know of this. My first husband and I lived together as husband and wife for exactly one year. It took us 14 years to get divorced. I moved away from New York and neither one of us was really ready to face the ugly proceedings of a divorce. Only when he wanted to remarry did we (well actually I) filed for a divorce and it was all over in 3 months.



nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
2 posted 2003-04-11 10:37 AM


dammmmn Anne, it better not take 14 years for me, I will be too old to enjoy life.  

It will be a 3 month, very cheap ($300.00) divorce as soon as a few things are taken care of and hopefully will be over before the year is out.

Most of our acquaintances can't believe we can live like this, almost as friends with the occasional argument. But once the initial surprise, hurt, pain and anger were over with, we only want each other to be happy. (at least that is what he says) I have no idea how he will react the first time I have somewhere here with me... I am over him and thought it would never happen after 30 years of marriage. You have to let it go eventually and I would rather part friends than enemies.

14 years...geeshhhhh

M

[This message has been edited by nakdthoughts (04-11-2003 10:37 AM).]

Earth Angel
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since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
3 posted 2003-04-11 10:46 AM


"To thine own self be true!" ~ now where did I read that one!

You have all the facts and it is your life and YOU are therefore the most informed! Conduct your life in the manner that feels right for you--and everything will fall into place and in the proper time! --and hopefully in less than 14 years!

Warm hugs from someone who has been there!
Linda

Sunshine
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since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
4 posted 2003-04-11 10:46 AM


A menopause of sorts, I think
just like my space in time.
Divorce is never easy,
as I sip my own in rhyme.

~*~

Yep...they just call it "mid-life crisis"...
I can't say as I wouldn't want you to be doing it different, my dear, but we all have to dance through this life in our own ballet...and you are doing it as gracefully as you can...never mind that the town doesn't understand - as long as you are right with your heart, and with God...

you're doing just fine in the eyes of this poet.

hearthugs, my Lady....

nakdthoughts
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since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
5 posted 2003-04-11 10:54 AM


thanks Linda and Karilea, it's a good thing I have a barn out back. (although I do have his 87 year old Dad living there, too!) sighing

And I am sure things would have been over by now if my health didn't take a plunge again.

It seems the stress just keeps finding a new way to put a strangle hold on me. And I am trying to ease that hold. It is amazing how when you think you are finally making progress, your body decides to fail you, making you reprogram yourself.

Hugsssss
M

Marge Tindal
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Florida's Foreverly Shores
6 posted 2003-04-11 11:30 AM


Wynter~
*understanding*
*huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
7 posted 2003-04-11 01:25 PM


Hey there, Marge.


Hoping the world is treating you well
hugssss and thanks
M

JamesMichael
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since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
8 posted 2003-04-11 05:07 PM


Interesting...I didn't want to be friends with my ex-wife...I felt like she was getting in my way for new relationships. She liked to tell my new girlfriends bad things about me so she could justify the divorce.  In her version I was always the bad guy.
Still I always hope that she finds the happiness she deserves... James

Brad Majors
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Georgia
9 posted 2003-04-11 05:37 PM


Divorce is a sad thing and even wore when it is prolonged
Professor Gloom
Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082
of Depression
10 posted 2003-04-11 08:31 PM


I’ve never really paid attention to time
Just noting the passing when looking back.

Let things happen in their own time.
“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose” Ecclesiastes 1

May the wait not be harsh

Gloom

Kethry
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082
Victoria Australia
11 posted 2003-04-11 08:35 PM


I agree with Gloom, may the wait be not harsh, and would add, be kind to yourself.
*HeaRT HuGS*
Kethry

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind.  Unknown



dreambuilder
Member
since 2003-03-23
Posts 319
caddyshack
12 posted 2003-04-11 08:49 PM


I can relate to this - a bit to fresh to comment -I can only say.. we spared much pain by staying civil & still caring...
well writen & very candid

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
13 posted 2003-04-11 09:16 PM


JamesMichael, well as long as he has no say in my life as far as relationships and I have none in his, we are fine.

How can you not be friends with someone if you loved them for 30 years(at least on my part..he has a way of saying he hasn't loved me for a long time...funny how he never let me know it)

I can't stay mad at anyone, or hate them  although at certain moments I have felt hatred. I actually was madder at the other woman.

Brad Majors, it may be sad but I don't feel anything is prolonged. I can do whatever I choose to, as  can he now. It's just legality we have to conclude.


Professor Gloom, I know you don't pay attention to time, one of those small faults
professors sometimes have.

Thanks for the quote. My waiting is never harsh, time is on my side for now...as long as it doesn't take 14 years!!
You should have told me you were around tonight. I have been sitting here waiting for company  


Kethry, I am ok...at least I tell myself that many times a day  
hugging you back
M


dreambuilder, I like that "civil and still caring"
thank you for your thoughts
hugs
M  
  

[This message has been edited by nakdthoughts (04-12-2003 11:01 AM).]

Bill Charles
Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now
14 posted 2003-04-12 01:05 AM


nakdthoughts - yes, you know my thoughts...

BC

lost_star
Member
since 2003-03-15
Posts 114
NY, U.S.A
15 posted 2003-04-12 01:28 AM


Divorce is never easy, but this piece is written very well.
JamesMichael
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since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
16 posted 2003-04-12 02:04 AM


Maureen you can be friends with him if you want to...I didn't mean to sound like I was suggesting not to...I was just saying it didn't work for me...fantastic if it works for you and him.....
My ex would go out to dinner with my new girlfriends and tell them only negative things about me...maybe it was what I needed because it was almost impossible for me to break away from her...I felt like a traitor...but she told me that she would make sure that I never got her back...the pain drove me away from her...I keep the first picture of her that she ever gave me in my living room...and I suppose I would be friends with her if I could believe that she wanted to be my friend...you know, be able to say nice things about me and care about my happiness...she was the most beautiful woman in the world...James

LUV_R_GIRL2379
Junior Member
since 2003-04-09
Posts 42

17 posted 2003-04-12 02:15 AM


divorce is never easy..this write was very well done..i especially liked the line"i sipped my own in ryme.." keep up the great work! id love to see more of your work!
Zinsser
Senior Member
since 2001-02-27
Posts 1641
Calif.
18 posted 2003-04-12 09:59 AM


Hits way to close to home
for me right now....
take care of yourself

~~ Connie ~~

garysgirl
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Florida, USA
19 posted 2003-04-12 10:38 AM


Maureen, my having been the subject of gossip and negativity many times, I understand how you feel about friends and the community not understanding your arrangements with your husband.

I'm always telling myself that it really doesn't matter what other people think of me and my life....but it does to me.

But, I honestly do not care what other people do in their relationships, because it's none of my business. I may have my opinions, but every one has opinions. When it comes right down to it we, ourselves, are the ones who live our own lives, so we have to make our own choices.

Heart hugs to you, friend, and good luck in whatever  you  decide to do. When the time comes, you will know what's right for you.
Ethel

nakdthoughts
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since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
20 posted 2003-04-12 10:58 AM


I never thought I would get this much reaction to a poem about separation and divorce.

Each of us knows the best way to deal with it in our lives if we are unlucky enough to have to.

I can't seem to write about love or fantasy at this time. When you can't feel it or share it with someone it makes it hard to express it.

I am lucky in that I think I at least have the respect from my husband and he has my caring for his health. If not I am sure this would have continued to be a painful situation.


It is pretty hard to have someone who is well liked in the community and elsewhere decide he doesn't want you anymore because "they" never know what goes on behind closed doors.

I can commend him for never treating me out in public with harsh words, although it was different at home. Most of the problem Ethel, and JamesM was that it hurts the pride. Anyway, I was trying to express that even though we are on the same property for now, we each go our own way...and it is okay with me. The bitterness is gone.


Thank you for all the attention you put into responding. I feel for anyone who has had to dissolve a marriage.

Maureen

Paul Wilson
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21 posted 2003-04-13 02:45 AM


Maureen~Sad words to read, but you are strong enough to start over with a better life...Paul

This journey is coming to an end
Another journey is about to begin
Don't look back at the past
There is a reason it didn't last

Be true to yourself

"To share my poems with you is to share my heart with you"

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
22 posted 2003-04-13 03:52 AM


Maureen:  you hit home with this one

Looking at Sept - I am nearing that
dreaded "D" - is good to know I am not alone here and yes the gossip -
disgusting behavior for adults.
I always say:  Yes, well you didnt live with us . . . so you wouldnt know"

Amazing write
Peace to you
xxoo


Ariana
Senior Member
since 2000-10-08
Posts 571
Orlando, Florida
23 posted 2003-04-13 08:05 PM


Maureen:  Divorce #1 is the death of a relationship and it hurts to see it die and you must take the time to let it die. Hurtful and painful things are said during a divorce and you must remain strong to go through it when the time comes.  You have already suffered the embarrassment of your spouse leaving you for a younger woman, the hurt and sour words spat at each other.  I agree with the others here stating that you will know when the time is right and you will know in your heart what to do.  What may be good for you may not be good for me or anyone else.  Big hugs go out to you.

                   Ariana

majnu
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24 posted 2003-04-14 05:01 PM


no many years and then wham! i just don't get people.

interesting write though, although i will consider myself fortunate if i never truly understand your difficulty.

btw - ea: hamlet, 1.3.78

-majnu
--------------------------------------
Timid thoughts be not afraid. I am a Poet.

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
25 posted 2003-04-14 05:21 PM


Paul,littlewing, thank you for your kind words. It's not fun going through a divorce after so many years. Starting over isn't easy.

Ariana, I appreciate your thoughtful words.
I know you can relate. It was embarassing and it didn't phase him in the least.
Hugsss
M

majnu, I hope you never have to go through one either...but sad to say the odds are against lasting marriages today.

M

jellybeans
Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298

26 posted 2003-04-14 05:33 PM


ah.....sigh....a sister in life, in poetry and in divorce.....I keep fighting against one but after a while you run out of arguments....sigh....and then you wait
passing shadows
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since 1999-08-26
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displaced
27 posted 2003-04-15 03:23 AM


M, only you know what's best for you, ladyfriend. Go with your gut. I'm behind you all the way 100%
Ringo
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Saluting with misty eyes
28 posted 2003-04-15 12:31 PM


Maureen,
I am going through the exact same thing with my wife. We were married for 5, separated, yet occasionally living together for 5 and now FINALLY getting it over with. I really wonder why it happens like that??
Keep your sense of humor about you, as it seems the joke is actually going to be on him once he realizes it's finally over.
Keep smiling

When the morning cries and you don't know why...

KristieSue
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Senior Member
since 2003-01-31
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PA, US
29 posted 2003-04-15 01:00 PM


it's kind of nice to see that not all divorces end in revenge and hate-filled arguments....

it's still sad to see how one will sacrifice more of their happiness for peace though....

HUGS....

Failure isn't failure if a lesson from it is learned ~ KS

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
30 posted 2003-04-15 03:15 PM


Thank you jellybeans. I decided not to fight it, once he left me and returned... if he could do that then his love for me was not strong enough for me to want to try again.

Dixie, I am just trying to hold onto the property so I  come out of this ok  


Ringo, sometimes one grows and the other doesn't..other times lust enters the picture and or another woman/man and the spouse thinks the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. But it will still need weeding, and mowing so he will eventually realize that he lost the one constant in his life. (speaking for me)
I am not sure he thinks I ever will end it...for he is taking his time on his promise of completing something for me before I end it.

KristieSue, there were some vicious moments almost of hand to hand combat, 911 calls and I can't tell you the word battles when the other woman would step in the way...but I was determined to not have someone walk into my house and take over my home and everything we had worked for together.

If she wanted him she could have him but not my home or security. It must have worked because she sent him packing. So even though it is the material I am holding onto..that was exactly what she wanted too, without having to work for it in the normal sense of the word


hugssss back and thank you for your response.
M

[This message has been edited by nakdthoughts (04-15-2003 03:16 PM).]

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