hang your head (for bri...)

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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

0 posted 2003-04-09 05:51 PM

dot
within
a circle--
encircled,
and another still...

trick of mind
zeroing
Orion's eyes
of mercy kill
just one shot
is called
for sport
the pedigree
of gentleman,
a marksman
boasting skill.

Report--
it echoes--
count the points
on the rack of stag
as if we could
count the years
of wind it took
to carve the crag.

Hang your head upon a wall.
Marvel--the eyes follow you--
sad defeat in wisdom's truth
the beauty lives in the forgive
that loves you, even as you shoot.

Dive deep in the amber pools--
deny you saw the light of life--

dot
within
a circle--
encircled,
and another's still...

[This message has been edited by serenity blaze (04-09-2003 05:54 PM).]

dreambuilder
Member

since 2003-03-23

Posts 319
caddyshack

1 posted 2003-04-09 06:16 PM

amazing style

and the different meanings I saw in this .... I Loved it

dot
within
a circle--
encircled,
and another's still...

hats off to bri (fellow marksman)
- may your aim be true
- your target the heart

excellent write serenity
looking forward to more

Dragon Mistress
Member

since 2002-08-26

Posts 289
Washington, USA.

2 posted 2003-04-09 06:28 PM

hmm, quite nice. I like.

Tanerz

~*~I'm only a dreamer, with broken dreams, and only words to fall back on~*~

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

3 posted 2003-04-09 09:28 PM

sigh...wanted to delete this one.

I doesn't quite capture the magick the way it was told to my understanding.

I will work on it, but as it stands? sigh.

quite unworthy of ya bri...

but I do understand now.

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

4 posted 2003-04-09 10:20 PM

K - no - this is MORE than worthy - you see I see two stories in one unfolding here . . .

The marksman - on the surface
The predator to his prey (as in love)
The one you speak of being the prey - upon a wall - like a deer . . .
The bullseye - a heart

This is amazing K - and leaves much for the reader to surmise . . . I think you did a beautiful trubute indeed BUT then again that is just me . . . hehehe

xxoo

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

5 posted 2003-04-09 11:02 PM

They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, so my hat is off to the marksman who hit the mark. Well shoot - this is how I read this.

Don't be too hard on yourself, even Einstein
had trouble tying his shoelaces.

brian sites
Senior Member

since 2002-06-25

Posts 1475
usa

6 posted 2003-04-10 05:37 PM

thank you Karen

this reminds me of that story
where I was the encircled....
smile

there is much in this

but then....you are always in need
of many more readings

as deep as......
....yep

"they follow you.."

lovely you

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