navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #25 » a volcanic fortress (inspired by Serenity)
Open Poetry #25
Post A Reply Post New Topic a volcanic fortress (inspired by Serenity) Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium

0 posted 2003-04-09 11:46 AM


the rain is holding out
like last soldiers of a fortress
tugging at memories
and stories left behind
many a burning smoke
with drops falling
in a flood of tears
of losses unimaginable
uncountable
where additions and subtractions of
what is left and what has disappeared
who is left and who has gone
don’t ever match
the scars on the fortress
the stabs at the stones

the rain is holding out
while the heart holds
far too many burdens
infinite pieces of baggage
blended together by
fixing agents
concrete addictives
and strong addictions

the rain is holding out,
little knowing that
all the glue in the world
fails to fix broken glass

maybe melting helps
maybe that’s why
there exists rage
and there exists heat
v o l c a n i c
waiting to erupt
like emotions held dear
in the fortress of the soul
-----------------------
serenity's great write is here: /pip/Forum64/HTML/003240.html

many thanks to you O Serene One...

© Copyright 2003 Sudhir Iyer - All Rights Reserved
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
1 posted 2003-04-09 11:59 AM



smart she is to beg this of you...

don't you just love being inspired, Sudhir?
I'm glad you were...

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

2 posted 2003-04-09 12:11 PM


I feel as though a feast has just been set before me. Thank you dear heart. Where to begin? nibble nibble...

Those first two lines set the tone...the stoic stubborness of that sky refusing to let go rain, (I shake my head, just as I sometimes shake my fist too) and scabs at the stones? just brilliant...(a visual that reminds me very much of another favored poet, our dear Mikey the squirrel) and inbetween those two lines, with your "additions and subtractions" brought to MY mind the building of the temple, and masonry, and how every single line and measure had intent and meaning. Beautiful..and OH I could go on...and think that I will, for a bit. (I'm not quite as good as Jan at this, but you inspire...)

2nd verse, you blend the metaphors nicely from burdens and baggage back to the original metaphor of masonry (fixing agents concrete additives) very clever here as this fixates the image in my mind, and reinforces (I love the layered metaphor, don't you?)

(Then in the 3rd short verse, you introduce "glass"--broken and implying fragility, and then...yes...ooompah OOMP...

in the 4th verse you deliver with the melting visual and the volcano, yes, I thought, that's it "volcanic glass" beautiful and strong, but slippery too...

this just SANG to my heart and I know, I know, but when someone feels my writing enough to answer with something like this?
I feel so understood that I could just dance!

Thanks so much Sudhir baby!

Today, I scored a triple...first, mr. sites posted again, then? redheart popped in, and now THIS...

yayayayayayayayayay
as a certain moth sings!

HUGS.


Nightshade
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962
just out of reach
3 posted 2003-04-09 12:12 PM


the rain is holding out,
little knowing that
all the glue in the world
fails to fix broken glass

Sudhir - I am so glad that you were inspired by serenity's heartfelt write. This is awesome! Add to it your winning smile, and well...my day is complete! Chris

"Hope" is the thing with feathers-
that perches in the soul....
                  
                       -Emily Dickinson

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

4 posted 2003-04-09 12:16 PM


where additions and subtractions of
what is left and what has disappeared
who is left and who has gone
don’t ever match
the scars on the fortress
the stabs at the stones


the rain is holding out
while the heart holds
far too many burdens
infinite pieces of baggage
blended together by
fixing agents
concrete addictives
and strong addictions

===========================

outstanding imagery and analogy Poet Sudir...
and made even more superb by the gift of inspire from a fellow poets words.
very cool write

"and when we get to the pearly gates ...
we'll find what we called our sins were just mistakes."

Tom Kimmel


Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

5 posted 2003-04-09 12:18 PM


yayayayayayayayayayayaya  
Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
6 posted 2003-04-09 12:40 PM


I truly have no words..speechless...but I am running to store it in my library, holding it close to my chest, least another try to take it from me.....

Susan

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
7 posted 2003-04-09 04:23 PM


Very nice Sudhir...James
dreambuilder
Member
since 2003-03-23
Posts 319
caddyshack
8 posted 2003-04-09 06:37 PM


the souls repair shop

there exists rage
and there exists heat
v o l c a n i c
waiting to erupt
like emotions held dear
in the fortress of the soul

may we all have Pele (hawaiian fire Goddess)in our hearts

excellent write - most impressive

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
9 posted 2003-04-09 09:46 PM


Sudhir - you see what you have accomplished my friend?  What every good poet desires - to touch  . . . and here - you have - to each of us this means so many different things:

where additions and subtractions of
what is left and what has disappeared
who is left and who has gone
don’t ever match
the scars on the fortress
the stabs at the stones


- quite amazing - book it - we'll be back . . .  and I love to see us inspiring each other - is lovely . . .   xxoo

[This message has been edited by littlewing (04-09-2003 09:48 PM).]

garysgirl
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
10 posted 2003-04-09 10:19 PM


Sudhir, I am so glad that you were inspired
by Karen to write this. This is a beautiful write.
I loved reading it.  
Hugs,
Ethel

Bill Charles
Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now
11 posted 2003-04-09 10:59 PM


Sudhir Iyer - I understand your inspiration from Serenity's writings...

BC

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
12 posted 2003-04-10 04:15 AM


Sincere thanks to each of you, my dear friends for your visit and your wonderful comments...

and special thanks to the serene one again... thanks Karen your response has got me thinking

regards,
sudhir

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #25 » a volcanic fortress (inspired by Serenity)

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary