Letter to Debra - pipTalk Forums

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jellybeans
Member Elite

since 2000-10-13

Posts 2298

0 posted 2003-04-04 12:18 PM

I aplogize in advance to anyone named Debra that might read this, it is not intended or directed towards anyone at PIP, it is just more words that need to get out of my head

How do you do, I wish I could say
that it had been nice
to meet you.

I disregarded the feint flash
of steel hidden carefull behind
the lack of comfort in your smile.
I proceeded to be a friend.
One would think the widow of a missionary
could be trusted, but my own stupidity
and naiveté tripped me
right into believing
your lies.

Friendship in hand you
started gleaning, smiling
and gleaning, until you had
enough information
to become me, but
better.

To my partner you offered
an open heart and open legs
you offered everything
he might ever need.

Inch my inch, meticulously
you slipped in the blade
there were times you were so smooth
I didn’t even know
I was bleeding.

Every reserve depleted
I could not go on
I gave up, I even wanted you
to win.

But the dark one was not
finished with us yet.
With hatred and bitterness
the blood congealed;
they stood me upright,
gave me strength to go on.

And now we have come to
the point where you
got so caught up in your own
rightness that you felt
a judge should hear your lies.
The horrible sound of your quivering
voice swaying more and more
goodness over to your darker side
reaches my inner quaking
still.
But I know you, like they
never will.

No I will not meet with you.
Your pretense of sincerity
does not work on me any more.
Your peace with God
is your own to make.

The Lord and I-we are coming
to a place of peace regarding
you…me on the other hand-
it will take many steps
for me to purge the hatred
I cultivated for you
from my heart; I let it
become totally invasive.

But I will accomplish the purging
and get to a place of forgiveness
for myself, hopefully sooner
than later. The Lord and I, we work
on it constantly.

And if you never ask, still I
have forgiven you.
I must go on.
But no, Debra,
do not come to this place.
Do not torture me with
one last look at your face.

regards2you
Member Elite

since 2002-10-01

Posts 3940
California

1 posted 2003-04-04 12:24 PM

JB

Perfectly written, deeply felt.

Heart hugs, Pat

..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
"Desiderata"

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

2 posted 2003-04-04 01:03 PM

Your peace with God
is your own to make.

This is a painful, poignant write... It's one thing to forgive and mean that forgiveness with the greatest sincerity... it's another thing to open yourself to still more pain when what someone really wants to hear isn't that their sins are forgiven, but that their actions were okay and never sins at all... it keeps them from having to recognize and accept responsibility for the hurt they've caused.

Excellent write!

jellybeans
Member Elite

since 2000-10-13

Posts 2298

3 posted 2003-04-04 01:35 PM

pat, thank you

suthern...you always read so much into my poems, things that are there but I feel so disconnected from the pain in my work of late that I don't see them until you read them....thank you lady

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

4 posted 2003-04-04 01:54 PM

The Lord and I-we are coming
to a place of peace regarding
you…me on the other hand-
it will take many steps
for me to purge the hatred
I cultivated for you
from my heart; I let it
become totally invasive.

But I will accomplish the purging
and get to a place of forgiveness
for myself, hopefully sooner
than later. The Lord and I, we work
on it constantly.

~*~

You could have written this for me...
only with a slight change of the name...

and that constant work required?
It sort of stays with you....

ah girl, just when we think we're alone?
Another sister walks in.

Good write JB....

jellybeans
Member Elite

since 2000-10-13

Posts 2298

5 posted 2003-04-04 02:35 PM

ah sunshine, that any woman shares 'this' with me, is hard...hugs and love
if I hadn't been working on my walk with God when I found this out, I would have not made it through, I believe he waited until I was strong enough before I had to endure it...sigh...

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

6 posted 2003-04-05 05:23 AM

Nice writing...James

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