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Open Poetry #25
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Salt
New Member
since 2003-03-19
Posts 9


0 posted 2003-03-19 09:55 PM


Trial to the hord of hoaxes, virtue me a widow to cry/
stand abrupt to the shallow waters between bitter and your eye/
mind that meadow, shoot the list, follow in uniform fashion/
taking all disregard for clothes, restitch your eye patches/
riddle the lights, turn on the gas, 'hello mr. shadow'/
foul for percussion, new year's to follow the execution of the old/
tab my name with your 'but alas, it's much to cold'/
to tell me the lie, truth of the matter someoone spoken/
called the shouting voice to batter the witness who knew I was broken/
send the post to the age of limits, lost lingering on the chord/
set upon my landscape to escape a free room and board/
motto to the drunkard fueled by all speaking in his ear/
will the recoarse take me far from my battle with the steer/
peer into the pear shaped model of a pear/
you find my locked skin, open to the elements bear/
settle the window panes, reflection each with its own quarrel/
lose me in the dance between my sanity and my morals....

Just something I did off hand....don't know how much sense it makes but I'd like to see how someone other than myself would interprit it.

Peace

© Copyright 2003 Salt - All Rights Reserved
ParisGrl
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 610

1 posted 2003-03-20 10:09 AM


Salt,

Cool poem,  I don't have the time to interpret it now though.  Welcome to Passions!

~Laura~

VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
2 posted 2003-03-20 10:17 AM


seems a perfect title, loved the sounds as they rolled through the poem...curious as to the reasoning for the "/" at the end of each line, mind you, that's not a criticism, but truly I'm curious

Welcome to the busiest board on the net, methinks!

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

Brad Majors
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-04-03
Posts 2647
Georgia
3 posted 2003-03-20 11:13 AM


I love it! I'll be back with interpetations later
Eromyna
Member
since 2002-11-29
Posts 306
Pheonix, AZ, USA
4 posted 2003-03-20 11:20 AM


*very confused stare* Ummm... Yeah, I didn't think it really seemed to have a point. But, if I were to try to draw some core focus from it, I would say it sounded like a conflict with some unseen foe. Although many lines have abosutely nothing to do with that. Heh.

"I don't need to scream for you to deem me aggravation."

Pilgrimage
Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945
Texas, USA
5 posted 2003-03-20 01:27 PM


I like the rhythm and sound. To me, this is a stream of consciousness poem-mirroring a mind in free-fall.

Nan (Pilgrim variety)

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
6 posted 2003-03-20 01:43 PM



Welcome to Passions, Salt!  Amidst a sprinkling of peppered alliteration and rhyme, you hold the key to your poetic mystery this time...

    Karilea - If I whisper, will you listen?...

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
7 posted 2003-03-20 02:05 PM


WELCOME TO PASSIONS!
Very interesting first post!
I look forward to seeing more of your work.
~Smiles & Hugs, Nancy~

~ I've loved you forever, in lifetimes before ~

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...
8 posted 2003-03-20 08:07 PM



Salt~
An interesting write for your first post.
I'll look forward to seeing more from you.
Welcome to Passions!
~Vicky

P.S. Check your e-mail for a special greeting.

"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
9 posted 2003-03-21 01:18 PM


Welcome to PIP!  Salt - interesting indeed - check out the workshop - if its interpretations and critique you are seeking - myself - I am stumped on this one - but interesting - lots of nice lines  -  xxoo

[This message has been edited by littlewing (03-21-2003 01:19 PM).]

Mistletoe Angel
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
10 posted 2003-03-21 06:46 PM




(sigh) This to me felt like a tornado ride, dearest friend, Dorothy got wrapped up in one and that took her over the rainbow, yes? I feel you unravel that feeling here too, where sometimes we are down on Earth but other times morals escape us and we find ourselves soaring in parallel universes! This is a marvelous debut, sweet friend, I LOVE IT!!! Welcome to Passions, sweet friend, may you be inspired by all of us here as we will all be inspired by your lovely words! I can't wait to read more of your lovely words, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

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