navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #25 » Kind of Blue
Open Poetry #25
Post A Reply Post New Topic Kind of Blue Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Eromyna
Member
since 2002-11-29
Posts 306
Pheonix, AZ, USA

0 posted 2003-03-18 08:31 PM



You are gold and silver
highlights on my life
glistening like riches
or a higher delight

They're black and crimson
terror and pain
revised inner vision
contently insane

I have seen orange and yellow
pity and your sympathy
obliged to feel compelled
to dwell on things depressing

She is white, and he is green
She is pure, and he naive
He is young, and she is new
He is fresh, and she pristine

But I'm a kind of blue
or brown around the edge
I've been soiled a bit
my colors wouldn't blend

I'm a shade of violet
barely visible to you
A step in the wrong direction
and I would disappear from view

So be careful with your tears
lest they fall near me
draw me out of the spectrum
and erase the imagery

You be black and red and white
Be yellow, orange and green
But, I prefer this shade of blue
and sometimes, I'd rather not be seen

"I don't need to scream for you to deem me aggravation."

© Copyright 2003 Shay D. - All Rights Reserved
nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
1 posted 2003-03-20 07:24 AM


your last line...I often feel that way.

I enjoyed your view in color..just a small suggestion. I am not sure you wanted to rhyme or not but most times you did but in a few verses you changed the rhyme scheme. You may want to be more consistent ...if rhyming.

* I am reading you and responding...I noticed you in the discussion forum.
*s
M

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
2 posted 2003-03-20 08:37 AM


You are one who does not simply see everything as being either black or white!  

Love & Light,
Earth Angel

garysgirl
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
3 posted 2003-03-20 09:06 AM


You painted a colorful picture with words
in this one.. . I enjoyed it.

"Love makes the world go around"
~with love and hugs from Ethel__GG~  
                  

Brad Majors
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-04-03
Posts 2647
Georgia
4 posted 2003-03-20 10:14 AM


wonderful word picture
Eromyna
Member
since 2002-11-29
Posts 306
Pheonix, AZ, USA
5 posted 2003-03-20 10:59 AM


I rhyme when it works. But I believe the meaning of the words is more important than their harmony. As a result, I often switch rhyme schemes between stanzas. And I will continue to do so, for as long as it is necessary.

"I don't need to scream for you to deem me aggravation."

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

6 posted 2003-03-20 06:24 PM


But I'm a kind of blue
or brown around the edge
I've been soiled a bit
my colors wouldn't blend

I'm a shade of violet
barely visible to you
A step in the wrong direction
and I would disappear from view

So be careful with your tears
lest they fall near me
draw me out of the spectrum
and erase the imagery

==============================


this is excellent!!
superb poetic employ of color, personification, and imagery to define and express the melancholy emotions. Those above verses are done with such emotive depth and clever analogy of the colors.
very well done poetess Eromyna.

The Sun The Moon The Stars The Sky
none of these would my love deny.
For of all the true found in the blue
its twice as much that I love you.

jm

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #25 » Kind of Blue

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary