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Passions in Poetry

Graveside ..... A light read by Capt Ron and me

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Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 08-07-2001
Posts 5716


0 posted 03-16-2003 01:20 PM       View Profile for Duncan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Duncan


I dreamed again
of moss covered stone
lying wait among twisted root
with knotty fingers curled through dirt
in gasp of breath
catching foot
and tripping me
into unbroken flat faced fall
and ditch...

shallow for a grave
but tomb enough
as dank and rotting leaves amass
heavy with rake of season
to conceal the rest
of the body...

my body
weighted and cold
now disposed
if not yet dead
pocketed by earth
lungs soon to scream
in poverty of breath
until desperate, involuntary gasp
sucks earthen clot toward throat
and choking cocktail
of grit and gas
result

as fading tread of step appears
to echo in now sand filled ears
the crunch of spine, the wound of heart
from seasons last snapped apart
and with a fluttered stone scratched eye
the sight of you
with loam gouged hands
covering a smile
I know again
I am
damned

My heart you took so long ago
but chamber void still aches me so
the ground refused to swallow me
though each night it seems to be
that thoughts of you I thought long dead
dance as visions in my head
bury then this dream begun
that I might sleep at set of sun
© Copyright 2003 Duncan - All Rights Reserved
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


1 posted 03-16-2003 01:29 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Your styles meld perfectly...absolutely seamless rendering here.

This left me gasping for air as the vivid imagery so aptly depicted the slow-death-feel of suffocating depression.

stunned (and more than a little bit jealous-- )

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


2 posted 03-16-2003 01:30 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

as fading tread of step appears
to echo in now sand filled ears
the crunch of spine, the wound of heart
from seasons last snapped apart
and with a fluttered stone scratched eye
the sight of you
with loam gouged hands
covering a smile
I know again
I am
damned

My heart you took so long ago
but chamber void still aches me so
the ground refused to swallow me
though each night it seems to be
that thoughts of you I thought long dead
dance as visions in my head
bury then this dream begun
that I might sleep at set of sun
=====================================


WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and
WHOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and
DEEEEEEEEEP DEEEEEP DEEEEP ...

the moth will be back to give this more time...headed out the door...but wanted to say that you two need to do this MORE!!!!
very very cool...
you guys must be really be poets huh?
garysgirl
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 09-29-2002
Posts 20064
Florida, USA


3 posted 03-16-2003 01:46 PM       View Profile for garysgirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit garysgirl's Home Page   View IP for garysgirl

Double         


You guys really should do more of this,
you know!!

[This message has been edited by garysgirl (03-16-2003 01:46 PM).]

1slick_lady
Member Ascendant
since 12-22-2000
Posts 6147
standing on a shadow's lace


4 posted 03-16-2003 01:48 PM       View Profile for 1slick_lady   Email 1slick_lady   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit 1slick_lady's Home Page   View IP for 1slick_lady

nice you two...h
regards2you
Member Elite
since 10-01-2002
Posts 4192
California


5 posted 03-16-2003 01:51 PM       View Profile for regards2you   Email regards2you   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for regards2you



One of the best poems I've read in a long time. I've read it five times and each time, it is MORE powerful and leaves me involutarily gasping. There are too many good parts to point out any one as special. A light read?????

I love this!

Hugs to you both; what a terrific combination of talent! Oh my goodness!
Pat

      

..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
        "Desiderata"

Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 06-05-2001
Posts 12075


6 posted 03-16-2003 07:43 PM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

you did good..and give me credit where it is not due... a case of an idea..you ran with and wove very well into a tense piece... I'm impressed...very...

good stuff Duncan... very good.

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 07-07-99
Posts 32119
Tamarac Fla


7 posted 03-16-2003 07:56 PM       View Profile for Seymour Tabin   Email Seymour Tabin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Seymour Tabin

Duncan
Well you guys heeped up a litle magic here.
A wonderful write.
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


8 posted 03-16-2003 08:06 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Duncan and Ron...Intense, like needing to swallow something that might hurt going down, but is delicious anyway...if that makes any sense. Very well done, you guys..impressed here!
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


9 posted 03-16-2003 08:24 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

Intense magic...yes....

AND...

wonderful.  As Serenity said, seamless...and something that should be brought back in October?  Hmmmm?  Don't forget either one of you!

Thank you for making the sun shine today!
Paul Wilson
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 07-07-2002
Posts 4023
Between Fantasy and Reality


10 posted 03-16-2003 08:35 PM       View Profile for Paul Wilson   Email Paul Wilson   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Paul Wilson

Guys...Nothing light about this, it comes over with a bang. Sort of like getting hit by a Mack Truck. Congratulations too both of you for a super duet...Paul

"To share my poems with you is to share my heart with you"

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


11 posted 03-17-2003 09:01 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

like a bad rash the moth keeps coming back


As I said before...I wanted to give this more time...so much to see here...

As KA and others have said...one of the most impressive things about this one is that you wrote in such poetic sync, to the point that its hard for me to tell where one leaves off and the other came in...even as well as I feel like I know each of your work--yes..seemless melding of styles...and of course the imagery is just so vivid and well defined by a masterful employ of metaphor, personification, and using such descriptive and depictive vocab choices that you painted this haunting, surreal write for us like a versed vignette.

Its angsty, aching, melancholy, essence is done with a dramatic subtlety and draws the reader in with a heady mix of emotions and imagery.

I dreamed again
of moss covered stone
lying wait among twisted root
with knotty fingers curled through dirt
in gasp of breath
catching foot
and tripping me
into unbroken flat faced fall
and ditch...

~~

as fading tread of step appears
to echo in now sand filled ears
the crunch of spine, the wound of heart
from seasons last snapped apart
and with a fluttered stone scratched eye
the sight of you
with loam gouged hands
covering a smile
I know again
I am
damned

My heart you took so long ago
but chamber void still aches me so
the ground refused to swallow me
though each night it seems to be
that thoughts of you I thought long dead
dance as visions in my head
bury then this dream begun
that I might sleep at set of sun


~~
and the moth did not miss the rhymes either


very very cool duet of the minds you guys....
I hope to see more of this from two of my fave poets..its a double delight

suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


12 posted 03-18-2003 09:15 AM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

I thought serenity had said it all... until I read JM's second reply. *S* I can't really add anything to their superb comments... except to say wonderful job, guys! *S*
Mysteria
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 03-07-2001
Posts 19652
British Columbia, Canada


13 posted 12-15-2004 03:08 PM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

A gloomy day called for a gloomy poem, and I absolutely adored this one.  It depicts the fall into the darkness like no other words could.  You guys make this look so effortless.
 
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