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Open Poetry #25
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kaile
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singapore

0 posted 2003-03-16 06:40 AM


senseless daydreaming
reluctant to engage life
procrastinator

© Copyright 2003 heng kaile - All Rights Reserved
bbent
Senior Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 521
Alaska
1 posted 2003-03-16 06:56 AM


an international pastime,cept it's 3 am here.

Live like it's your last day...
Dance like nobody's watching...
Love like you've never been hurt...

JamesMichael
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since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
2 posted 2003-03-16 07:37 AM


Also passive...James
kaile
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singapore
3 posted 2003-03-16 08:23 AM


hey, thanks for reading...i thought using "procrastinator" was kinda smart of me but now, i'm thinking that it's silly to waste five syllables on "procrastinator", especially since its meaning is also implied in the second line...

now inclined towards

senseless daydreaming
reluctant to engage life
drowned in misery

Sunshine
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since 1999-06-25
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Listening to every heart
4 posted 2003-03-16 08:45 AM



I like that you can find a five-syllable word, Kaile, to explain the feeling of this attitude.  I thought your original was very well done, and smiled when I read it.  Today is Sunday here...I think I'm going to adopt your attitude, just for the morning, at least...

Thank you!

    Karilea - If I whisper, will you listen?...

Midnitesun
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Gaia
5 posted 2003-03-16 10:22 AM



how clever! anytime you can use a five syllable word and convey such meaning is GREAT!
I was born a procrastinator...wasn't sure it was time for my grand entrance, fought it all the way, wanted to wait until the 'perfect' moment.
your second version is also interesting and triggers additional brain wave activity, requiring another cup of coffee.

regards2you
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since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940
California
6 posted 2003-03-16 11:03 AM




Kaile,

Hi! The title as important as poem.
Both versions, great! Good writing.

I like your mind.
Hugs, Pat


  

..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
        "Desiderata"

VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
7 posted 2003-03-16 11:18 AM


you've been peeking!

and I don't even have "video web."

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

littlewing
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since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
8 posted 2003-03-16 11:47 AM


kaile - hehehe you and me both - very nice job here xxoo
ThisDiamond
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since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353
Michigan, USA
9 posted 2003-03-16 12:49 PM


A lift for the multitudes.
Good job. Liked the original in it's entirety. ThisDiamond

Nightshade
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since 2001-08-31
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just out of reach
10 posted 2003-03-16 12:51 PM


Excellent!! Enjoyed this. Chris

"Hope" is the thing with feathers-
that perches in the soul....
                  
                       -Emily Dickinson

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
11 posted 2003-03-16 12:56 PM


hmmmm...sigh...yeah, I'm guilty of that too
Albert J. Allie
Senior Member
since 2003-02-13
Posts 512
Queens NY
12 posted 2003-03-16 03:31 PM


Aren't we ALL guilty of it? I'd admit it if YOU will!
Great Work! I love these kind of pieces!

Aenimal
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since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
13 posted 2003-03-16 03:54 PM


hmmm could also be the tagline under Pisces..
Joannak
Member
since 2000-03-11
Posts 121
Indiana, USA
14 posted 2003-03-17 08:37 AM


to sit in silence
refreshing of spirit, or
procrastination ?

kaile, your senryu and haiku always are a read for me, yours was wonderful.

Joanna

What better way to become immortal than to wake up each day and write?   Ray Bradbury



Jason Lyle
Senior Member
since 2003-02-07
Posts 1438
With my darkling
15 posted 2003-03-17 09:46 AM


I like the original, very nice job.
Jason

GG
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since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532
Lost in thought
16 posted 2003-03-17 09:55 AM


my bus only comes in a couple minutes and yea I need to brush my teeth but NO I don't procrastinate! ..too much.. err.. hehe
I like it and your second one too.

Always, Alyssa

- And so it was that time stood still -
     (blink, breathe, stand, fight)

scorpio
Member Ascendant
since 2002-10-02
Posts 5178
right...there
17 posted 2003-03-17 11:38 AM


I was impressed with "procrastinator"...a well written senyru!!

believe in what your heart feels...

Earth Angel
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since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
18 posted 2003-03-17 11:43 AM


Great message! Great senryu!

Springtime hugs,
EA

majnu
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19 posted 2003-03-17 12:02 PM


double kudos,

first for a great little senryu,
and second for using a five syllable word as the subject and last line

-majnu
--------------------------------------
Timid thoughts be not afraid. I am a Poet.

kaile
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singapore
20 posted 2003-03-17 12:36 PM


man, i certainly didn't expect so many replies...and i thought this was bound to suffer the Passionate Plummet since people would think me lazy for using a 5 syllable word

thanks for the approval...you guys have made this senryu memorable

Joannak, nice to hear from you! how is your writing coming along? and I hope to see your haiku/senryu submissions for Reflections

majnu, your comment really brightened up my day..thanks!

thanks all for reading

Marge Tindal
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Florida's Foreverly Shores
21 posted 2003-03-17 12:52 PM


Kaile~

Marvelously done
Magnificently complete
Electrifying !


*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com                        

Flower
Member
since 2003-03-15
Posts 240
California
22 posted 2003-03-17 01:41 PM


Liked the original best. Good stuff.

Love reading all these great writes.
I write not!

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