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Passions in Poetry

Make Me Not Whisper

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regards2you
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since 10-01-2002
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0 posted 03-14-2003 04:01 AM       View Profile for regards2you   Email regards2you   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for regards2you


When I am needy
Please,
Make me not whisper my weak,
Just know me so well deep,
By far-off stare,
When I am nowhere,
Find me.


Warm me,
When I am chilled
Inside my layered lair
Steeped in cold
Contemptuous air.


Hold me,
When vision
Shudders my stillness
With too much stark
Seal my mind with your kind heart
And make me safe
Within your warm embrace.


Protect me,
With a father's sentinel stance
And a mother's loving glance
Press me close in healing dance.


As you,

Mold me,
Pouring me out as porcelain
See through me
The light of your love
And the salvation of my soul
For it had died and I didn't know
Until you,
That love was
As a delicate fabric of finest lace
Tatted on the selvage of His grace
Enwrapped by your care.
Left with hope I can
Give my all
And spend content
Touching you
In equal share.
For, when you are needy
I too, will be there.
And may you not need,
to whisper your weak
For, I will be
The love you seek.


.
.
.
.




..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
        "Desiderata"

[This message has been edited by regards2you (03-14-2003 02:24 PM).]

© Copyright 2003 Patricia L.Thompson - All Rights Reserved
suthern
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on the threshold of a dream


1 posted 03-14-2003 11:38 AM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

How wonderful it would be to have someone so attuned to you that they knew your needs and answered them before a whisper even passed your lips... someone who's accepting of who you are... but willing to grow with you into something even more beautiful. *S*

This is lovely, regards! *S*
Seymour Tabin
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2 posted 03-14-2003 11:43 AM       View Profile for Seymour Tabin   Email Seymour Tabin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Seymour Tabin

Amen,
Cpat Hair
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3 posted 03-14-2003 11:45 AM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

Pat.. a lovely write.. and lovely thoughts...
indeed we all search for such connections I think and someone that will not only let us be ourselves..but will also be there for us.

I enjoyed...

NOW...

a couple of thoughts... I noticed a mix of rhyme and free verse here and while it works...your transition "And" that seperates the two seems to cause me a stumble..as if it was an afterthought..or.. a thought completed and added to.. make sense?

all in all...this is very nicely done..
very nice indeed.

Earth Angel
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4 posted 03-14-2003 11:46 AM       View Profile for Earth Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Earth Angel's Home Page   View IP for Earth Angel

Pat, this is another gem from your pen! I like your style and what you have to say.

~ May you be blessed with a loving special someone in your life who is as wonderful as you yourself are...

Have a glorious day!

Warm hugs,
Linda
garysgirl
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5 posted 03-14-2003 12:23 PM       View Profile for garysgirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit garysgirl's Home Page   View IP for garysgirl

Pat, this is absolutely beautiful....
the words, the form you've written it in,
and the thoughts behind the poem. I
thouroughly enjoyed reading it.

I pray that you will someday have someone
who loves you unconditionally...someone
who will let you be yourself, but still
give you the feeling of protection. It's
a wonderful feeling. By the way, it is
certainly found at different stages
of our lives, too.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and
feelings with us.  

Heart Hugs,
Ethel
regards2you
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6 posted 03-14-2003 12:35 PM       View Profile for regards2you   Email regards2you   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for regards2you


Ruth,

Thank you for taking your time to read and for your reply which captures exactly my meaning.

This poem is meant to be applied to any or all kinds of relationships. I was indeed blessed in early teens, for God gave to me my best friend who is this attuned to me. She is extraordinary and had NEVER not been there for me. What's more, nothing I say alters her love for me. The topping on that cake is that she and I also are so compatible in sense of humor sometimes in only takes the tone of our voices to burst out laughing.

I so appreciate you responding today.
It means a great deal.

Thank you, Hugs, Pat

Sy,

Yes, amen and thank you

Linda,

May you have a glorious day. We have rain, wind and fog...but it is still wonderful....tho I have to go out in it shortly...It is a great day whenever you respond to my poetry.
Thank for so much for your comments.

Cpat Ron,

Yes, regarding those connections. Rare, I think...but there, in time, if I practice what I preach....which I don't always do for reasons not related to this poem...

I am glad you enjoyed and thanks for the very nice....

NOW...

Thank you most of all for the couple of thoughts. You are absolutely right.
To date, when I write, I do not start out with a conscious thought of: [this is what I want to say/accomplish with this poem] But, I DID REMEMBER what you suggested the last time, after the fact.

There is a definite separation from above the [AND] and the bottom of the poem.

I struggled and struggled trying to tie them together and opted for the [and] knowing it still didn't work.

Ultimately, after I had all the lines, I didn't want to give up any of them.
And did not know how to restructure, or structure them for a smooth transition.

It is almost like two poems, or perhaps should have been, adding to each instead of trying to pull them together.

So, everything you said does make sense and you spotted my problem.

Clearly I am at a point in writing that it is time to learn to 'clean it up, first'. This is not an excuse, but a reason: I was NOT totally convinced that I could write even half-way decent poetry. And that is why I kept and keep posting to see if perhaps some can relate.  Well, I see now I can.

I thank you so much for your patience of seemingly repeating yourself and showing me how this could be better.
But, that is exactly what I need.
I am so grateful you take the time.

Probably won't try to fix this, as I am running hours late already re: what I am supposed to be doing today vs. what I am doing....

Any other thoughts from you would be kindly appreciated. Please don't think I'm not hearing you. I am. I need to take the time to think first. Or, what I have not done is just hold a poem for a few days and go back to it. Especially when I myself, know there is something wrong.  

I will be going out soon, (ugh) so may not see your reply, if any...

Hugs to you for your help and thank you so much.  Pat

sorry for the long answer....and time it took to get back here...

..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
        "Desiderata"

Pilgrimage
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7 posted 03-14-2003 01:23 PM       View Profile for Pilgrimage   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Pilgrimage

This is so good. You have two poems in one, with the friendship/love and also with our Lord's ability to see our needs and fulfill them. Well done.

Nan (Pilgrim variety)

regards2you
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Posts 4192
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8 posted 03-14-2003 01:40 PM       View Profile for regards2you   Email regards2you   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for regards2you



Ethel,

How sweet of you. Regarding a 'man' in my life, read Nan's (hope that is how she refers to herself    reply re: God...because that is right on!
And, Ethel, I believe He bridges some gaps for some of us, who have the real 'need' and that in itself is such a gift of love...I don't expect more, nor am I in a position give equally, that of which I'd want my man to receive...make sense?...We, you and I  are each blessed in different ways....Hugs. Inbetween shower and curling hair, but wanted to take a minute to get back to you and Nan..
Glad to see you back online...


Nan,

Thank you for your reply. Yes, it is two poems. I loved what you said.
In case you wondered, I asked Ron long ago to help me, and he does, very patiently, I might add...another blessing... grin, and thank YOU for your time..and your comments...great!

Hugs, Pat

..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
        "Desiderata"

Cpat Hair
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9 posted 03-14-2003 01:55 PM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

Protect me,
With a father's sentinel stance
And a mother's loving glance
Press me close in healing dance.


As you

Mold me,
Pouring me out as porcelain
See through me
The light of your love
And the salvation of my soul
For it had died and I didn't know

would be my suggestion.... not a difficult transition and not neccessary to have the complete thought when you start...just to see what actions are taking place before and after a transition and find the words or way to move the action focus from one to the other....

regards2you
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since 10-01-2002
Posts 4192
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10 posted 03-14-2003 02:21 PM       View Profile for regards2you   Email regards2you   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for regards2you


Ron,

Yes! I can see clearly how [as] you and pour[ing] ....[as] porcelain...
works so well.

I can only grin remembering how I struggled with this, probably a good half an hour, trying different lines and words, but could not 'get it'....

I am going to change this now before it is too late to edit, if you don't mind. Again, wonder if I wait after writing and go back to it later, if that might help me. I am taking notes re: your suggestions. Focusing on action might have jump started my brain, but am not too sure about that.

Again, thank so much for your input and teaching.  Hugs, Pat

..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
        "Desiderata"

Cpat Hair
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11 posted 03-14-2003 03:37 PM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

Pat...don't overthink any of it.. just think of everything you write as having a beginning an ending and the middle. All the middle does is transfer the reader from the start to the finish. How do things happen in real life...what is the logical progression of things... write just like you were describing or telling what just happened. where it started ( or where the reader enters) the journey.. and then a conclusion..and ending.. just draw a line from point a to point b then... what lies between...well that is where the poetry lies...
and you have no problems with that...

inkedgoddess
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since 11-19-2002
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12 posted 03-14-2003 04:07 PM       View Profile for inkedgoddess   Email inkedgoddess   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for inkedgoddess

perfect as is, leave it be..........
full of heart and friendship
BluesSerenade
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since 10-23-2001
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By the Seaside


13 posted 03-14-2003 04:33 PM       View Profile for BluesSerenade   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for BluesSerenade

Make me not whisper my weak,
Just know me so well deep,

The way of love as it is meant to be~

Your poetry reads with so much conviction and gentle understanding.  

Lovely writing Pat~

passing shadows
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displaced


14 posted 03-14-2003 04:34 PM       View Profile for passing shadows   Email passing shadows   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for passing shadows

I love this!
BlueEyes
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15 posted 03-14-2003 04:49 PM       View Profile for BlueEyes   Email BlueEyes   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for BlueEyes

this was beautiful...

BlueEyes
regards2you
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Posts 4192
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16 posted 03-14-2003 08:03 PM       View Profile for regards2you   Email regards2you   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for regards2you


Ron,

Driving home today I remembered what part of that mental block was; I wonder if "pour me out porcelain" was used in someone's poem. When it came into my mind, "see through me" wrote itself, and I kept putting the idea aside of did I read the procelain or make it up, because the rest of lines were writing themselves, quickly sorta. Not sure I'd have come up with the obvious better choice, I wanted to use "Pour me out porcelain" without consideration I needed to change it. It was as if written in stone, and that was there, I, determined to 'write around it'...
I was being stubborn, cause I liked it and didn't want to let it go....wierd, huh? So I need to lighten up a bit....
  
Thanks for the additional thoughts.
Yes it is logical and it is needed and wanted insight for me. Thanks,  


Michele,

It has been changed for the better.
Glad you liked it. Thank for your time and comments.

Lori,

Thank you, I agree the way love is meant to be  

Dixie,

Glad you love this. You make me grin.

BlueEyes,

Sorry don't know your name yet but I am glad you took the time to read and reply. Thanks so much for the beautiful.

Hugs to all of you, Pat  




..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
        "Desiderata"

[This message has been edited by regards2you (03-15-2003 10:50 AM).]

Mistletoe Angel
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17 posted 03-14-2003 10:55 PM       View Profile for Mistletoe Angel   Email Mistletoe Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Mistletoe Angel's Home Page   View IP for Mistletoe Angel



(sigh) Oh Patricia, this is lovely, sweet friend, by all means necessary love should always recognize and sympathize with those needs and not need to be begged! (big hugggssssss) May love always be a song to you, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Patricia, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

Elan
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18 posted 03-15-2003 07:30 AM       View Profile for Elan   Email Elan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Elan


This is very lovely,
and you have a good mentor.
Enjoyed this very much, Pat.  Thank you
for sharing.
GG
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19 posted 03-15-2003 09:49 AM       View Profile for GG   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for GG

been away, came back and there are so many poems to read.. Makes me excited though!
This poem is such a deep display of real intimacy not physical but knowing eachother so well. And I can feel God's knowing embrace with it... He really does know us this well and holds us and protects us, awesome.
Love this

Always, Alyssa

- And so it was that time stood still -
     (blink, breathe, stand, fight)

regards2you
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20 posted 03-15-2003 10:47 AM       View Profile for regards2you   Email regards2you   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for regards2you


Noah,

Thanks for your comments. When I began writing this and decided to use the words: [needy] and [weak], I could feel the fur on my back bristling....thus:[layered lair]...
What I mean is when I allow self to admit need/weak, denial jumps up, and I retreat to my hidey-hole..so I had to do some quick simple-psych on myself before I could finish this...to figure out why those words caused that reaction, even now, at my age...makes us so vulnerable to others...Since I am now my own best parent, (even at my age) I can protect that almost destroyed little girl within...so therefore I figured others would probably recognize these feelings and relate. Glad you liked this.

Elan,

Thank you. I stand amazed that someone with his knowledge and talent and probably lack of time, would be so humble, first, and, then to bother to help.

He has been a wonderful teacher in filling in the (my) blanks of poetry writing, tho. it is taking me considerable time to incorporate what he has taught...hopefully, in time...  Thank you for your time in reading and your reply.

There is another poet, Ed (Ratleader) who has offered a breakdown in how he wrote a poem: "Fading". His thread is in CA #2, under post name: Writing Fading. It is wonderful to me, a novice writer and everyone who wants to write better poetry should read it.

Informative with techniques of writing which I copied but as yet not time to study the way I want to.

Again thanks, Pat  
Alyssa,

Good to see you. Yes, soooo much to read. Smiles. Glad you liked this. I agree with your assessment, re: God.

Hugs to all of you, Thank You, Pat  




..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
        "Desiderata"

[This message has been edited by regards2you (03-15-2003 11:11 AM).]

kaile
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21 posted 03-15-2003 12:28 PM       View Profile for kaile   Email kaile   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for kaile

Hi Pat, more reaction from this reader...

Please,
Make me not whisper my weak,
Just know me so well deep,
By far-off stare,


this stanza kinda took me by surprise since i have arrived at this stage where i think it's good to be independent and minimise my reliance on others...you just reminded me that "no one is an island" and i need to develop relationships and trust people at the same time too...

When vision
Shudders my stillness
With too much stark

loved these lines, especially so since they are peppered with alliteration...they will be as memorable as "bump a bruise on my existance"  


[This message has been edited by kaile (03-15-2003 12:30 PM).]

catalinamoon
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22 posted 03-15-2003 12:41 PM       View Profile for catalinamoon   Email catalinamoon   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit catalinamoon's Home Page   View IP for catalinamoon

This is the way it must be, true love should know. Should't it?
Love this.
Sandra
regards2you
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23 posted 03-15-2003 01:02 PM       View Profile for regards2you   Email regards2you   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for regards2you


Kaile,

When I was doing my simple psche on self before finishing this poem, [no man is an island] was part of the self-evaluation I was using, so, interesting that you should mention it. Developing relationships and trusting, important, indeed, giving love, but, doesn't always work, for some are what I call spiritually blind with a kind of contempt for love, and all we can do is move on and draw to us those like us..


I am glad to see you mentioning certain lines for it makes me feel good when someone notices alliteration which I've been concentrating on most in poetry writing...

And, let me tell you, you just did bump a bruise on my existence, by even remembering this phrase from a poem I wrote couple months ago? Wow! You made my day... Big, big hugs to you

Catalinamoon,

True love should know, shouldn't it?
Of course. But, I must say this is not heaven on earth, but a place to grow and change and learn of true love. I think my biggest lessons came from false love, and also drew me to God.
I so appreciate you taking your time to read and respond.

Thanks to both of you. Hugs, Pat

..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
        "Desiderata"

Marge Tindal
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24 posted 05-28-2003 07:38 PM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

Pat~
As much as I'm enjoying reading your poetry, I must admit I'm as fascinated by your kind and considerate responses to those who have replied~

You are a talent exploding, lady~
Let nothing ... and no one ... deter you from your God-Given talent~

*Huglets* from reality-realm~
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

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