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Passions in Poetry

If Words But Could, They Would ... { Sky Dance }

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RSWells
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since 06-17-2001
Posts 2607


25 posted 03-10-2003 11:56 PM       View Profile for RSWells   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for RSWells

A litany of alliteration. If a picture's worth a thousand words than what the eyes see in real dimensions are voluminous. While we strain at times to share the experiences it's not only because the poet wants to but that (s)he must. This newfangled media allows us the advantage over print of other stimuli to make our points and I'm convinced (if it isn't restricted by jealous powers) that it will ultimately prove more important to all humans understanding of, not only each other, but all that's known and loom larger in historic footnotes than Gutenbergs gift. Enjoyed.
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


26 posted 03-11-2003 06:15 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine


What Mr. Wells said.
Ba-bump!  
BloomingRose
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since 08-09-2000
Posts 3124
Florida


27 posted 03-11-2003 06:29 AM       View Profile for BloomingRose   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for BloomingRose

Some are blessed with a gift to pick up a paint brush and capture the beauty of nature, and some are blessed with the gift of picking up and pen and being able to describe the beauty of a sunrise or sunset. You my dear are one of the few who have that gift of pen.
You beautifully etched on paper words that decsribe the divine beauty of the sky... without even trying.
Wish I knew how to "let it flow" *sigh* but it's rare beauty that makes things special, and like the sky, your beauty of pen is here in all it's glory.

Hugs,
Deb
Logan
Senior Member
since 05-28-2001
Posts 1691
Arkansas


28 posted 03-11-2003 05:24 PM       View Profile for Logan   Email Logan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Logan

So I question the whys ...
Just who am I, to even try?
How would I ever explain the sky?
..................
Geez, where is the vote box? If ANYONE can explain the beauty of those pictures, it is you, oh mothy one with the brilliant wings. Would you teach how to write, please?...very gentle smile
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


29 posted 03-12-2003 02:05 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

Thank you all so much for these very cool replies...I apologize for not addressing each one of you personally, I've been helping my dad move and my forum time has been somewhat limited.

thank you for your support of my work.

    
peace & poetry

Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis
since 06-21-2000
Posts 7338
In the winds of Cherokee song


30 posted 03-15-2003 11:40 AM       View Profile for Mark Bohannan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mark Bohannan

So I question the whys ...
Just who am I, to even try?
How would I ever explain the sky?
No dictionary could bind these colors to paper ...
How would hand written lines define the sun in shine?
Such splendor shouldn't be restricted by rhyme.
No pen stroke could portray the beauty that begins and ends
each day. What would the words say of the sky in sway?
************************

Ummmmmm....is this your way of telling me that you think I shouldn't write anymore? .  

You know could spend about 20 minutes typing a response to this line by line but we will do that in person (via Ma Bell)lol.  I have to say that I do love the alliterations as always and you still have not lost your talent for bending internal rhyme across the blue without causing defraction of the mind's eye .... VERY COOL gator grooved girl of groovy.  
   I do question why you have the ponderings when you have found the answers to them all however....or is it that you just want the world to think you are still a blind moth that feels the light instead of seeing it?  Hmmm ... Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. LOL.  

************
Dusk and dawn's daily sky dance ... holds my heart and pen in trance,
it takes but a glance to know the exquisite needs no eloquent enhance.
************

Well, all I can say is that it is about time you figured out that you need NO enhance other than what you have in your heart and soul.  Will wonders never cease?  To think that you have most believing you are talking about the sky. LOL.  Just as endless as is the wonders of the evasive horizon ... so are the wonders of the eye upon colors painted in distorted light reflections through the prism of the mind.....you capture them well.  You learn good "Young Deer born of morning dew".  

The rest of my response I will tell you in person cause you know that some of this touches the personal side of issues not to be brought to light without full explore.  

......

Ohhhhhh did I mention........ Imagery..Imagery..Imagery!!!!!!!!!!!! You have grown leaps and bounds in this area.  Looks like I better study to catch up huh?  
Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis
since 06-21-2000
Posts 7338
In the winds of Cherokee song


31 posted 03-15-2003 11:45 AM       View Profile for Mark Bohannan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mark Bohannan

Came back to say my apologies to Serenity....srry Karen.....didn't mean to trip over you.  I didn't see you sleeping by the front door.  Hope I didn't step on anything that will leave questionable bruises.     
regards2you
Member Elite
since 10-01-2002
Posts 4192
California


32 posted 03-15-2003 12:01 PM       View Profile for regards2you   Email regards2you   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for regards2you


Janet,

I don't know how I missed this earlier.

Martie answered your question best.

I'm not qualified to even begin to say much except this.

I LOVE your poetry. The beauty in your words, the talent you share with us, your humility!!! Whoa!

What a treasure, this poem and you!

Thank YOU,


Hugs, Pat
  

..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
        "Desiderata"

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


33 posted 03-16-2003 01:12 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

MC....do you know how good it is to see your name in here???
thank you babe...I look forward to your insights...afterall...youre the one who taught me about imagery...and seeing the workd thru your eyes always teaches me and enlightens me.

thank you my groovy guy

SO..wheres a book submission??? HMMM????


Pat...its impossible to keep up in here, so dont worry..your words are always heart felt and appreciated whenever you stop in.

Thanks to all for your kind replies on this ...Im still tied up with helping my dad move and had a friend in town...so Im very behind in here.

NewEnglandlazurlu
Member Rara Avis
since 01-04-2002
Posts 7709
A Mountain Paradise


34 posted 03-16-2003 12:10 PM       View Profile for NewEnglandlazurlu   Email NewEnglandlazurlu   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for NewEnglandlazurlu

Janet Marie, when you write a poem it knocks me off the chair. Then when you add such stunning and magnificent pictures, there are no words I can say that would do justice to what you have here.

You are such a brilliant and talented writer and I always look forward to reading your pieces.

Brava!  Huggles, Marti

Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts.  A.Einstein

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


35 posted 03-17-2003 08:29 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

Marti,
my goodness poetess ...
your reply both honors me and humbles me...
thank you very very much for such a supportive, generous and lovely response to this poem.

mothy hugs back to you
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


36 posted 03-17-2003 12:43 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

NO way, I SO thought I replied to this already.  Well, I'll read it again and give you a reply this time.  I'm really sorry for my lateness, JM, you'll have to forgive me... but hey, at least you're getting a bump to the top.  

The overall impression I got from this poem was, "words cannot express."  I've always hated that saying because it undermines the poet.  But hey, you got all ironic and decided to write a poem about how weak poetry is, and even more ironically, you wrote an awesome poem in the process.  Make up your mind.  

quote:
I should lay down my pen ...
rather than do this view an inked injustice.
Words both pale and fail when compared
to dawn's dance upon day.


I love the second line, the internal rhyme bounces rhythmically and the alliteration afterwards is really nifty... that's pure style.  I think this stanza is one of your stronger openings.

quote:
Each morn the cycle repeats its resplendence,
still no two scenes of renew are ever the same.
And here I sit in my room with a view ...
searching for words to convey what the
sky shares in it's dawning display.


Awesome contrastive scene.  You sit inside, in the comfortable and mundane state of the indoors, admiring the outdoors and trying to capture it with your words, your "indoors..." trying to tie it down to the world of humanity.  I really like that, the setting of sides is a true illustration of the nature of poetry -- we try to capture the wordless with our human words, and at the same time, try to use those words in such a way that they do not diminish the beauty of the actual fact, the wordless quality that we are trying to illustrate.  It's difficult, yes... not impossible, or there would be no poetry... but difficult.

quote:
As if a mere poet could pen such grace, as if couplets of
cadence could capture the colors of the cloud's constance.
How would I resonate the reds ... orchestrate the orange?
To pen in pinks and purples couldn't come close to painting
upon creation's canvas. To write of violet hued views or
horizons of blue, could never do such brilliance true.


Yikes, my tongue is doing backflips here.  I always quietly read with my mouth whenever you do that endless alliteration stuff.  And I think I have it hard trying to fit words into meter, it must be even harder on you, trying to go word for word... but at least you can use a dictionary, right?  

quote:
So I question the whys ...
Just who am I, to even try?
How would I ever explain the sky?
No dictionary could bind these colors to paper ...
How would hand written lines define the sun in shine?
Such splendor shouldn't be restricted by rhyme.
No pen stroke could portray the beauty that begins and ends
each day. What would the words say of the sky in sway?


Tsk tsk, you're getting really skeptical in this poem... is this really how you feel about poetry?  Do you have a right to blaspheme the scene before you by trying to capture it in your human terms and words?  Could the reader of your poem ever see the sky like you are right now?  I went through a phase where I thought this too, and didn't bother writing imagery anymore.  I still really doubt my writing of imagery, but now I am a believer that, even if you cannot capture the scene exactly, you can capture the feelings and response to the scene and allow the reader to understand just what thoughts the scene brings to mind, and perhaps even touch their heart in a way close to that of the scene.

You're one of the poets who does this, so I can see why it's heavy on your mind... you write mostly about the natural, scenes of beauty that inspire you.  I understand that you'd start doubting your ability like this.

quote:
How could verses of verbiaged verbalize ever speak sure of
salmon streaked skies born to morn's salient sunrise?
Ink immersed images cant compete with crimson cast clouds,
with skylines surrendering to sunshine's saturation.


As if alliterated adjectives could ever be adequate ...
I have no answers ... I've only unadulterated awe.


Salmon streaked skies, crimson cast clouds, sunshine's saturation... you not only stir up the images in my mind, you do it with style.  I really like this stanza.  The succeeding pair of lines is important, even if you shrug at your own style and dismiss it as inadequate.  You have no answers, just awe... the sublime in a nutshell.

quote:
What would justify a poet's pretense to try? Perhaps a need
for others to see the sky through poetry's perceptive eye?
Or is it that the clouds call out, that the sun summons ...
the sky sequesters as the scene serene stirs our muse?
Is it inspiration's ensue that our pens cannot refuse?

Why cant I be content to just witness the wonder?
Couldn't it be enough to frame the moment on film?
Shouldn't I be satisfied with making a memory in my mind?
From where comes this cadenced coerce to capture the scene
in metered verse or rhyme scheme?


It's inside of us, JM... have you ever seen a flock of geese stop their business to glance over the river, watch the sunset, and ponder it?  We are creatures of thought, creatures of feeling and longing... we see so many things in a sunset that can only be seen by us.  That poetic impulse is what sets us apart from the animals and makes us unique, makes us beautiful.  We are nature's peanut gallery, and all we can do is scribble out the scene in our own thoughts, to try and capture the world of nature in the clutch of the world of humanity.  Filming it is capturing nature as our senses do, remembering it is remembering it as our senses do... poetry is capturing nature with the mind, which is why it is so important.  At least, in my humble opinion, that's why.

quote:
If I could, I would poetically compose this morning's blue hued birth,
if I believed for even a moment I might find words to write its worth.
As the sun stains the sky in scarlet baptize, my humbled eyes realize
somethings cant be contained nor explained in poetic reprise.

Dusk and dawn's daily sky dance ... holds my heart and pen in trance,
it takes but a glance to know the exquisite needs no eloquent enhance.


I love your conclusion... don't change, don't enhance, just capture the beauty for what it really is and let that be seen, because that beauty is more than enough.  Some things can't be seen with poetry, you're right, but that doesn't mean we can't try... John Keats said "Beauty is truth, truth beauty," and I couldn't agree more.  Poetry isn't enhancement or alteration, it is capture.

Wonderful meditations here, JM.  Your style is sharp and rich as ever, and as usual you make me envious of your tongue-twisting, mind-numbing talents.  

Parasite

"Faith" means the will to avoid knowing what is true.
~ Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 08-27-2002
Posts 40647
Realms of Light


37 posted 03-17-2003 01:13 PM       View Profile for Earth Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Earth Angel's Home Page   View IP for Earth Angel

Well if you think Nancy gave a wonderful reply, mine is doubly so!---for I echo hers twice over! tehe

Absolutely stunning!

Happy Spring!
Warm hugs,
Linda
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


38 posted 03-17-2003 01:19 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

quote:
It's inside of us, JM... have you ever seen a flock of geese stop their business to glance over the river, watch the sunset, and ponder it?  We are creatures of thought, creatures of feeling and longing... we see so many things in a sunset that can only be seen by us.  That poetic impulse is what sets us apart from the animals and makes us unique, makes us beautiful.  We are nature's peanut gallery, and all we can do is scribble out the scene in our own thoughts, to try and capture the world of nature in the clutch of the world of humanity.  Filming it is capturing nature as our senses do, remembering it is remembering it as our senses do... poetry is capturing nature with the mind, which is why it is so important.  At least, in my humble opinion, that's why.

Bri-babes...even your replies are poetry...
and I'm smiling at you for the insight and for your humilty. As always you just "get it" and I thank you for the indepth view through your eyes, as I alway learn fom your enlightening perspective.


We are nature's peanut gallery, and all we can do is scribble out the scene in our own thoughts, to try and capture the world of nature in the clutch of the world of humanity.
Yer so cool it makes me mothy heart smile!!
  
THANK YOU Brian...for being you.

ROFLMAO @ "mind numbing"

Yeah..I got it hahaha  

  

If I am right ... if I can be ...
constant and faithful ... you'll find me

TC

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


39 posted 03-17-2003 01:27 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

Linda...you sweetly slipped in while I was tying to Bri...thank you DOUBLEY SO for your lovely reply too *L*

thanks poetess EA!!  

  

If I am right ... if I can be ...
constant and faithful ... you'll find me

TC

Mysteria
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 03-07-2001
Posts 19652
British Columbia, Canada


40 posted 09-05-2006 11:25 PM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

Good grief, don't you just love Brian's response LOL, he kills me.  Yes, you did indeed write about how weak poetry is to define what our senses give to us, and you did it dang well too.
Walter Poe
Senior Member
since 10-13-1999
Posts 724


41 posted 11-03-2006 10:24 AM       View Profile for Walter Poe   Email Walter Poe   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Walter Poe

see i dissappear and yor poems just got better and better.

Thought maybe to catch your eye but you don't seem to be here much anymore.

Might give up and just e-mail.

Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

 
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