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Tim
Senior Member

since 1999-06-08

Posts 1794

0 posted 2003-03-09 06:46 PM

There once the mothers wept
next to a stream lined by rolling plains
for husbands and sons who had left whistling
as they walked down country lanes,
to disappear into a land unseen and not return
for reasons unknown to wives and mothers
but for the fact that is what men do,
to join together and walk hand and hand as brothers
as they enter into the darkness of which light
cannot permeate except in the flash of gunpowder,
amid the thunder that rents trees asunder,
roaring, crashing, crescendoing louder and louder,
culminating in a flash of blinding white light
which beckons fathers and sons to tarry not, but to rush,
headlong as a stream continues to flow;
headlong to the sea between banklined brush
occasionally gurgling in an eddy caused by hidden rocks
beneath the surface, pulling, dragging,
as do the husbands and sons, gurgling, grasping
as they sink beneath the surface of the current unflagging,
for the fact is, that is what streams do
as beside them women weep, for that is what wives and mothers do.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2003-03-09 07:03 PM

As I read the lines
one by one, I went back decades,
then centuries...
to what has always been...
and most likely,
why always
the streams shall run...

Thank you Sir. It took me a while to write this...
because some things just take my breath away...and thought seems to slide right with it...

icequeen
Senior Member

since 2001-12-09

Posts 633
FL USA

2 posted 2003-03-09 07:12 PM

YES this left me breathless also... how very powerful. You have written this well, and it is wonderful.

the only man worth your tears will never make you cry

Kethry
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-29

Posts 9082
Victoria Australia

3 posted 2003-03-09 07:19 PM

This is so powerful with the tug of the tide of fate pulling it on.
Kethry

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown

majnu

Senior Member

since 2002-10-13

Posts 1088
SF Bay Area

4 posted 2003-03-09 07:21 PM

its probably a trite observation, but i love the way the stream works with the unstated cliche of a river of tears, the roaring cannon and artillery works with the walis of the women and the roaring of a flowing river, etc.

the whole motif is there and it is extremely well knit the way you put it together, and just like flowing water it really as the power to move you.

-majnu
--------------------------------------
Timid thoughts be not afraid. I am a Poet.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

5 posted 2003-03-10 02:11 AM

brilliant!

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

6 posted 2003-03-10 06:31 AM

and this is what poets do--or should strive to do, anyhow.

Reading this was like falling into a painting.

Tim
Senior Member

since 1999-06-08

Posts 1794

7 posted 2003-03-16 04:37 PM

I appreciate you taking the time to read and respond with such gracious comments.

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