I've been looking through your posts as I like to know a little more about the people who take the time to respond to my poetry.
This piece is rather poignant, why do I feel you had somebody, who should be close, in mind when you wrote it?
I am not a fan of none rhyming poetry so what I am going to say may be biased to my preference , but I think not.
There is something in the style of this write that makes it real and I think that 'rhyming' seems to be the medium that you carry your heart best with. This five line poetry with a repetitive theme carried on the extra line each stanza is extremely powerful but has to written well or it does not work.
You have done this expertly, and naturally. One of you posts (or maybe more) talks about a loss of muse, which you write about (a theme I have used in several of my writes and I know the feeling well). I am sure that with the quality of this piece, to the extent I 'feel' it is real, that using rhyme as a medium would allow the words to flow freely without having to think of what you are writing.
As I said, I am possibly biased, if so ignore the ramblings of an old rhyming poet! I do think however that this piece had, feeling, meaning, and came from within yourself and hope to find more like it.
Thanks again for your response on my work,