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Open Poetry #25
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Chloey
Member
since 2002-09-29
Posts 74
in a silver mustang convertible

0 posted 2003-03-04 09:05 PM



It happened so fast
I didnt see it sneaking
They came up behind
I was helpless in defense
I stuggled and fought to get free
But it was no us he had hold of me
I yelled and screamed
And fought to get away
But it was pointless
There was no way
No way in hell he was lettin go
I had the worst time of my life
It's hard to let go
Let go of these feelings
That hurt me so much
I am paranoid around people
Even to the slightest touch
Just a tap or a noise
It freaks me out
I go crazy and whip around
I holler so loud they freak out
Im so tired of this feeling
Deep inside I want it to go
Go far away and stay there forever
So I can be....Normal again

~*I think this is a lil weird it rhymes in places(it aint supposed to rhyme) cuz i couldn't think of other things to say,lemme know what you think and what a good title would be*~ ~*P.S. this isnt about me it's about a person who experienced this that is a good friends of mine!)

I write what I feel and I feel what I write.

         *~*Chloey*~*

© Copyright 2003 Chloey Jane - All Rights Reserved
fractal007
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958

1 posted 2003-03-05 08:29 PM


Powerful poem.  Although I have never experienced anything quite as devastating as this I do know what it is like to have nagging emotional fallout.  It's brutal and your portrayal of it here is very accurate.  

I dunno about an appropriate title.  I believe that writers should let their titles come to them either during(or after) the creative process of writing the piece, or before the writing, as a means of declaring what it is that the given writer is setting out to do.  

Continue the brave work of capturing the brutal truth and chaining it to paper[or to the web ]!

"If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"
-- Magus
"there is no good and evil, there are just sides."
-- Local Parasite

Riley
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Senior Member
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038
in the pouring rain
2 posted 2003-03-05 10:12 PM


Hey,
  As far as the poem goes, good, very scary though,but good , I liked the no rhyme thing!!!!!! A title should be thought up by the author, not the reader. Personally thats how I feel, because each title is special in some way or another and ties in with you and the poem alike. Ok now I'm getting weird!!!

Great job Mandi...


Riley

Morning mist clings to my face, and my soul opens up to you......

Mistletoe Angel
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Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
3 posted 2003-03-08 03:10 PM




(big hugggsssssss) Oh Chloey, I think in the company of strangers anyone can feel nervous or paranoid at times, I too feel claustrophobic being there and my heart sends angel hugs to your friend! (sigh) This is powerful, sweet friend, you have my vote, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Chloey, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

SexyCowgirl19
Junior Member
since 2003-03-08
Posts 24
Colorado, USA
4 posted 2003-03-08 03:20 PM


Chloey this is a great poem, keep writing and keep up the good work.

Emma
~Sexy Cowgirl~

garysgirl
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Member Laureate
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
5 posted 2003-03-08 03:24 PM


Chloey, I thought that you were writing of your own experiences until I read that it was about someone else. I wouldn't have known that, because it sounded so real.  

"Love makes the world go around"
~with love and hugs from Ethel__GG~  
                  

Mysteria
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Member Laureate
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada
6 posted 2003-03-08 03:24 PM


Nice writing on a subject I am sure so many can relate to, and I too have felt "anxiety" in a room full of people once in a while.

           
R.E.S.P.E.C.T.
Aretha Franklin  

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
7 posted 2003-03-08 03:28 PM


Very good write...enjoyed.
~Hugs~

~ Trace my body with your words..
And in doing so, you touch my heart. ~

Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
8 posted 2003-03-15 03:25 PM


I enjoyed your poem. One way to let go of those feelings is to write them out - the more you do, the less painful they become.
kaile
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Member Ascendant
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146
singapore
9 posted 2003-03-18 10:05 AM


a power-packed write of a social issue which should hence be in the book, for the possibility that it may educate readers about date rape
KristieSue
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Senior Member
since 2003-01-31
Posts 1460
PA, US
10 posted 2003-03-18 11:26 AM


....don't think feeling normal every full returns....

hope it does...

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
11 posted 2003-03-18 11:32 AM


It appeared to me as though you got into the skin of your friend extremely well!

Warm hugs,
Earth Angel

WhiteRose
Member Elite
since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208
somebody's dungeon
12 posted 2003-03-18 06:38 PM


Normal, what's normal? A very nice write, enjoyed the read.
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