Please critique this one too

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Open Poetry #25

Please critique this one too

brtymj
New Member

since 2003-03-05

Posts 8

0 posted 2003-03-05 01:10 AM

Beauty Everlasting

Love makes beauty everlasting
Even as the two age
They still lie close together
Caressing and kissing oneanother
Aging not enough to tear the two apart
Frail and old but beautiful
For love makes beauty everlasting

TaureauRouge
Junior Member

since 2002-06-01

Posts 26
A mass of land between two oceans

1 posted 2003-03-05 01:35 AM

Very nice point expressed sweet and succintly. Interesting because the only thing which doesn't break down with age is perception and the mind.

"I should have been a pair of ragged claws/ Scuttling over the floors of silent seas"-T.S. Eliot

EagleScorpion
Senior Member

since 2000-03-08

Posts 1644
Here, Now, Forever

2 posted 2003-03-06 02:38 PM

..truth to truth..

there is no single truth..

as the truth of her beauty..

the promise in her face..

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well, i saw a few places where commas should be.. but besides that.. your poem is flawless in all of it's brief majesty! This message may come as very meaningful to some who belong to this forum

KoKo
Senior Member

since 2003-02-15

Posts 995
Inside the shadow's shadow

3 posted 2003-03-06 04:46 PM

Aaaw that's so sweet! Very, very much enjoyed

I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man.
--Chang Tzu

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