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Open Poetry #25
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GG
Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532
Lost in thought

0 posted 2003-03-04 08:55 AM



The silver lined streak of you,
Was never quite enough
To catch my comfort needing.

I love you,
I know you care...
But your transgressing
Took you too far,
To a world of your despair.

And, though your hand is warm
And heart is helpful,
I can feel bricks
Along the padding
Of your soul.

But to glow the glimmer of the shine
You make to be...
It takes a bit more than position
To relieve my tragedy.


- And so it was that time stood still -
     (blink, breathe, stand, fight)

[This message has been edited by GG (03-04-2003 09:48 AM).]

© Copyright 2003 GG - All Rights Reserved
regards2you
Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940
California
1 posted 2003-03-04 10:54 AM



Alyssa,

I believe this is brilliant. I enjoyed every line. That you are 15 years old still amazes me. I won't say anymore about your age or your talent.

I enjoyed rereading this. The depth, the compassion for another's inability to give what is needed, whoa.....

very well written...

Hugs and love, Pat

..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
        "Desiderata"

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549
By the Seaside
2 posted 2003-03-04 11:10 AM


But your transgressing
Took you too far,
To a world of your despair.

We all have to take a stand and stick to it
as difficult as it may be.

Outstanding work GG~


Brad Majors
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-04-03
Posts 2647
Georgia
3 posted 2003-03-04 12:20 PM


Brilliantly done!
GG
Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532
Lost in thought
4 posted 2003-03-04 03:07 PM


Pat,
thank you. I'm honored you'd enjoy it. Thanks for your comments   I'm just glad I have writing ..good or bad at it, I love it. Hugs and love.

BluesSerenade,
Your right, we do. And we've all messed up many a time.. but its so easy not to realise how it effects others around us and hurts so bad. Thank you for the outstanding  

Brad,
Thank you! Not sure it believe the title brilliant, it was just me trying to escape craziness(!) but I'm glad you think so  

Always, Alyssa


- And so it was that time stood still -
     (blink, breathe, stand, fight)

[This message has been edited by GG (03-06-2003 05:06 PM).]

Ericc
Member Elite
since 2003-01-31
Posts 4178

5 posted 2003-03-04 03:34 PM


You write with wisdom and beauty.
Eric

Phantom Poet
Member
since 2003-03-03
Posts 116
Arizona USA
6 posted 2003-03-04 03:36 PM


Your words bring cheer to my heart
>>phantom poet<<

Ringo
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2003-02-20
Posts 3684
Saluting with misty eyes
7 posted 2003-03-04 03:43 PM


You write with a knowledge that is way beyond your years. I only wish I were this talented. One for the book.
GG
Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532
Lost in thought
8 posted 2003-03-04 03:49 PM


Eric,
wow, wisdom and beauty? thank you. I don't feel worthy. Much appreciated!

Phantom Poet,
I'm glad to bring cheer to someone, we all need to smile a little.

Ringo,
A wonderful lady taught me for many years, I give credit to her, to circumstances, to GOD, for any knowledge I might have. Talented though.. no.. I just write. Thank you.

Always, Alyssa

- And so it was that time stood still -
     (blink, breathe, stand, fight)

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
9 posted 2003-03-04 04:07 PM


GG - I may be off but this reminded me completely of dealing with someone I know - the push and pull of it - of them - is quite amazing - keep writing - you shine - one day you will just brighten the sky xxoo
Toerag
Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622
Ala bam a
10 posted 2003-03-04 05:51 PM


My position of family?.....First Toerag Bank
good write

GG
Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532
Lost in thought
11 posted 2003-03-04 06:24 PM


littlewing,
whatever you're thinking isn't off. I write whats going on with me, but there is no right or wrong way to define it. I'm glad this could make you think of something going on with you. Thank you

Toe sir,
speaking of that... could you give me some money, I'm going out tonight! lol.. you can twist any poem with your humor! which isn't always bad Thanks much!

Always, Alyssa

- And so it was that time stood still -
     (blink, breathe, stand, fight)

WhiteRose
Member Elite
since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208
somebody's dungeon
12 posted 2003-03-06 09:16 AM


The silver lined streak of you,
Was never quite enough
To catch my comfort needing.

I can't tell you how much these three lines spoke to me. Just incredible. Now, get out of my head

GG
Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532
Lost in thought
13 posted 2003-03-06 10:01 AM


White Rose,
thank you... I think those lines were my favorite ones too. Things get stuck in your head too? sorry! can't stand that!

Always, Alyssa

- And so it was that time stood still -
     (blink, breathe, stand, fight)

kaile
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Ascendant
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146
singapore
14 posted 2003-03-06 11:52 AM


Alyssa,
what a shame that you feel unable to submit for Reflections..i would have loved to see this in the book...i like how the title complements the poem--how more bittersweet aching i felt after reading the title again after your poem (did i lose you yet? )..bittersweet? because i think it's a great feeling being able to realise what you need too....

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
15 posted 2003-03-06 11:56 AM


You write beyond your years
Perhaps you have also lived beyond your years
But no matter what, you are a talented writer and some day I will see your collections of poetry on a bookstore shelf
In admiration
Liz

GG
Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532
Lost in thought
16 posted 2003-03-06 05:15 PM


Kaile,
thank you so much again! About reflections.. that all has to do with my age too, to post and do it all honestly I'd need to ask my father's permission. That somehow doesn't thrill me, especially him not knowing  write poetry and lol especially one titled to family (though its directed to a specific member, ahh I love making people wonder). So anyway... I'm glad you enjoyed it and yes, its important to know what you need. Just sad when someone who 'should' fill the place, can't.. though it doesn't affect how much I love them!

Elizabeth,
oh wow! Do you realize how much I LOVE your writing and respect you as a poet, and how much this means to me, coming from you? it means an awful lot! Thanks so much ..and yes, perhaps I've lived beyond my years, or maybe its just that I've fully lived up to them.. if that makes sense. Again, thank you!

Always, Alyssa

- And so it was that time stood still -
     (blink, breathe, stand, fight)

kaile
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Ascendant
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146
singapore
17 posted 2003-03-07 06:49 AM


Alyssa,
I understand somewhat..my mum knows that i dabble in writing and frequent this place but when she sees me sitting at the computer and askes, "poetry again?", i shake my head vehemently and say, "no, just typing emails" when in actual fact i'm spending some quality time here...


GG
Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532
Lost in thought
18 posted 2003-03-07 07:12 AM


Kaile,
thanks, it always feel good to be understood, though I'm sorry you're in a similar place. It wouldn't be so bad I guess, if he didn't exclaim passionately how much he can't stand poetry, every time anything at all poetic comes up! But its ok, just one of those things.

Always, Alyssa

- And so it was that time stood still -
     (blink, breathe, stand, fight)

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