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Open Poetry #25
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Our Sky (VAS challenge)
| Open Poetry #25 |
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Our Sky (VAS challenge) |
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA 
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sky and no adjectives? (I fixed the angels problem and maybe I'm just incredibly stupid - which is not beyond the realm of possibility - but I am completely missing the adjectives VAS. Help me out here and I'll see what I can do) On another topic: This work, like many - actually most - of my stuff was written on the fly, and as usual it takes on a life of its own while I am typing it. I did not intend for this to be a "tribute" in any way when I started writing, and in fact did not even think about the shuttle disasters until I wrote the words, "now too, " Anyway, thank you all for your support and VAS, help me out in identifying those adjectives. I'm usually too lazy to try to work on a challenge, but tonight I will give it a shot... hang on while I start typing.... Home to angel's choir haven for nature's horde bird, bat, bug, and air the net which snags wishes entwines our prayers and frees our dreams. Ether, whisper, scent, container of life, love, and joy. Now too, the resting place, of fourteen new angels. ash and soul joined two decades apart. Earth's sky, our supplier of life, now our astronaut's burial plot. Sorry if this became morbid, but as with all I write, it created a life of it's own. /pip/Forum7/HTML/000543.html Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn. Nil Desperandum, Fata viem invenient [This message has been edited by JP (03-02-2003 11:53 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 JP Burns - All Rights Reserved | |||
Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Shouldn't it read angels not angles? Considering all the behind-the-scenes conversations about the shuttle's wing damage, I think NASA should be totally embarrassed about their lack of honesty. Their safety record sucks. The poem is not morbid, just a reflection of a reality most do not want to see. |
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the_loner_23 Member Ascendant
since 2002-06-08
Posts 5479Jacksonville, Florida, USA |
This is sad but a beautiful poem Cold hands means a warm heart |
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Amara Member
since 2003-02-23
Posts 158East of the moon, west of the sun. |
Good job! I read the challenge, but could never have answered. Hands of to your skill. That's what we, as heroes, do. We live as if the world were like it should be, to show the world what it could be. |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
Yes, beautifully done, sad, comtemplative. There are a couple adjectives...but they are certainly essential to this poem's message. I wouldn't change a word! Thanks for trying the challenge. Whether on the shoal or on the shore, |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (big hugggssssss) Yes, I agree, I don't think this is morbid one bit, in fact, I am happy you wrote this because we all need to be confronted with this truth so we don't repeat these mistakes and think we can all be dishonest too! (sad sigh) This is well-written, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet JP, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA |
Thanks all, I did a little edit on this and added some notes.... Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn. |
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