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Passions in Poetry

Snaking Recalled

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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


0 posted 02-27-2003 08:24 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine


Snaking Recalled

He didn’t hate “them”…
it was just sometimes,
sometimes,
“they” were worse than any
three day mind-grain
[as Jake used to call them]
could ever be.

It use to spook the calmest of
his kin folk,
and he never told any of his few friends
of this so called “power”
as Konrad was never sure when
the next time would come,

but they snaked in
as he best could recall,
with no warning,
no heads up,
butting his emotions
up to the wall
that he could never climb over

and stood in haunt of lost
spaces, myriad faces,
uncommon places

leaving him feeling
like a rubber band that had
been deja viewed.

Usually images came,
dangled like teardrops
in front of a mirror,

heavy bottomed crystals
he could see in,
through,
out the other side,
upside down…

what is stranger than feeling like
Alice on the backside of the mirror…

So Belize waited,
and Konrad waited

because his ghosts would
turn human, tap him on
his shoulder,
and remind him that he was not alone…

and far from home.


© Copyright 2003 Karilea Rilling - All Rights Reserved
the_loner_23
Member Ascendant
since 06-08-2002
Posts 5670
Jacksonville, Florida, USA


1 posted 02-27-2003 08:26 PM       View Profile for the_loner_23   Email the_loner_23   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for the_loner_23

I like this a lot. So me parts made me laugh.

Cold hands means a warm heart

Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 06-05-2001
Posts 12075


2 posted 02-27-2003 08:34 PM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

Ok lady Sunshine.....

your imagery here is good..you bring the reader into the scenes with nice word play and a good sense of semi surreal "reason" to wind it up... your story line has diverged in some ways from where you appeared to be headed..and now is evolving Konrad as an individual, some what mystic, somewhat mystery, somehwat very human...
my question to you is...
to what end are you working? don't tell me here... think about it always when yu tell it...and each vignet offered... should focus on taking one more step towards that goal...and offer the reader a smaller sense of closure when they finish reading the piece...

you do well at all of this... I've seen it..read it and enjoyed it... and this is a step "back" in the right direction... ( laughing) (like it is my story and I know all...NOT) weave it together.... and let the reader know... now... why should we be drawn to Konrad and like him..or hate him?

You have already shown us.... in earlier pieces... so now.. remind us once in a while.. and then..let the story tell itself..

There is not a single one of these..I have not enjoyed..and that is not well done...
so don't think I am saying they are not good...and that they don't compell.. I'm still reading them aren't I?

find your voice Konrad... and speak it..

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 08-14-2001
Posts 37801
Somewhere in time~


3 posted 02-27-2003 08:43 PM       View Profile for Enchantress   Email Enchantress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Enchantress

Konrad is indeed turning into a very interesting and intriguing person..
Much enjoying watching him evolve.
Good storyline Karilea.
~Hugs~

~ Trace my body with your words..
And in doing so, you touch my heart. ~

Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 08-07-2001
Posts 5716


4 posted 02-27-2003 08:47 PM       View Profile for Duncan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Duncan

'Usually images came,
dangled like teardrops
in front of a mirror,

heavy bottomed crystals
he could see in,
through,
out the other side,
upside down…

what is stranger than feeling like
Alice on the backside of the mirror…

So Belize waited,
and Konrad waited

because his ghosts would
turn human, tap him on
his shoulder,
and remind him that he was not alone…

and far from home.'

This one I understand!  

(Once again...How well is that workin' for ya?)

Don't throw the pottery at me, it looks very expensive!  
Nice tag Sunshine!
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


5 posted 02-28-2003 12:13 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

Usually images came,
dangled like teardrops
in front of a mirror,

heavy bottomed crystals
he could see in,
through,
out the other side,
upside down…

what is stranger than feeling like
Alice on the backside of the mirror…
====================================

very cool, cryptic imagery...haunted and surreal.
So we are waiting to meet the lovely Dana..yes?
Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 08-04-99
Posts 10270


6 posted 05-12-2004 01:56 AM       View Profile for Dark Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dark Angel

Yes I want to meet her too JM.

Sigh Karilea.

M xx

The clouds never expect it when it rains, but the sea, changes colours, but the sea, does not change.
~Stevie Nicks~

 
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