How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Archives
 Open Poetry #25 Archive
 Stacking Bales
 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
Follow us on Facebook

 This is an Archive. You may post a reply, but new topics are not allowed.

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

Stacking Bales

 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
Ratleader
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 01-23-2003
Posts 7179
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass


0 posted 02-25-2003 02:22 PM       View Profile for Ratleader   Email Ratleader   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Ratleader's Home Page   View IP for Ratleader

Stacking Bales

The wild tea reek of raw hay beats back
into nostrils worn ragged by the grass dust.
The sun slides like an iron down my shoulders
as I grab another bale, tight twines pulled
hard through my gloves, wanting to cut
in spite of the leather. Do it: one quick motion,
jerk-turn-lift onto to the truck and up the stack,
put it high, land it square, and get your knee
behind it or you’ll never last the day, never mind
the blisters rubbing hot under blue-gray jeans.
Get to the next bale, the truck grinding slow
while grasshoppers launch and fly like clothespins
in the yellow heat, wings clattering to a sudden halt.
The silent butterflies only search for home and shade.
Across the field the edges of the yellow tan bales
shimmer and wiggle, trying to mirage again
and hide the fence. Another bale, another,
muscles bunching, eyes sweat stung, flecks of  hay
that cling where they land, arm hair rising with them.
Behind the bales, cows. Behind the cows, winter,
money, expectations. Cow voices mingle with
the sound of the engine, chuff of bales on bales,
bird sounds, hunting bugs in the stubble. At the end
a thermal, welcome as it spatters bits of straw
waist high, my shirt gone cool for long seconds while
the truck turns, to lumber across the field again.

[This message has been edited by Ratleader (02-25-2003 07:59 PM).]

© Copyright 2003 Ed Ratledge - All Rights Reserved
Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 08-14-2001
Posts 37801
Somewhere in time~


1 posted 02-25-2003 02:29 PM       View Profile for Enchantress   Email Enchantress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Enchantress

Ed, this is fantastic!
Full of such vivid images...
You took the reader right there...
This would be a perfect book submission!
~Hugs & Smiles, Nancy~

~ Trace my body with your words..
And in doing so, you touch my heart. ~

Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 06-05-2001
Posts 12075


2 posted 02-25-2003 02:34 PM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

( smiling) something in common I see... been there... done that..and you describe it very well.. I was again back in hot summer sun..browned by dust and tan... not counting, not thinking, or the field grew too large, too long...and the job itself...to much...

reminded me of one I did...

Got to beat the rain
They say is coming…

Dust …
Beaten into the air
by the tires of wagons
stacked with square
Bailed hay
Coming in from fields,
hung in layers
That went from white
To yellow as it rose.

200 bales in
and 1500 to go.


Two men down, three up.
Send up the hay… it’s going to
Be hotter later….

Climbing into the barn loft
The sweet heavy smell of
Grass mixed with dust
And heat overwhelms.

Sweat running  
bend pick and toss
Always one waiting
Always one behind
Steady…
Build a rhythm and use
Your legs…

Last one!!

Grab air in greedy gulps
And feel the chill of 90 degrees
As the sweat begins to dry.

200 in and 1500 to go

should be finished by midnight
if you don’t slow down.


Got to beat the rain they say
Is coming…
Minister Joe
Member
since 02-22-2003
Posts 79
TX, USA


3 posted 02-25-2003 02:54 PM       View Profile for Minister Joe   Email Minister Joe   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Minister Joe's Home Page   View IP for Minister Joe

Ed,

This poem--brought me right back to my grandfather's farm, and baling hay... on a hot summer's day.  

The following lines were particularly vivid:

Walk to the next bale, the truck grinding slow  while grasshoppers launch and fly like clothespins in the yellow heat, wings clattering to a sudden halt.
The silent butterflies only search for home and shade.


The grasshopper--launching like clothespins--just absolutely A-1 imagery.  You also captured the essence of the still-heat of a workday like that--with the butterflies, "silent" in their search for home and shade.

Your relation with the environment and the narrator--was well done.  You mentioned the blisters sweating underneath the jeans--and the strain of picking up and throwing the bales--you could go into just a bit more depth regarding the person in your piece... nothing big at all--but a moment if you will--of getting closer them, perhaps through so small action -- wiping a forehead, or taking a drink of water.

The small pieces of hay--floating up in the air--and then sticking to the skin, excellent image as well.

I'm not that familiar with your style--but you could consider breaking this up into strophes... however, I do like how this piece flows as it stands now in it's form.

This one really took me back--right there to that moment in the pasture.

Really, well done Ed.

This is the kind of poetry we're really missing at my other writing site--man/nature in work--simple, and yet telling it's own story.  Most of the poetry there now is very minimalist, and I really miss work of this quality/nature.

If you ever want to stop by-- it's Enter The Muse.  This would be perfect for Poetry Behind Glass, more of a showcasing forum really.

Not to grab you off here or anything--it's just--wow, what a great gem of a poem to find in the middle of day.  

I am so glad I finally joined up here.

--Matt

Give what you have. To someone, it may be better than you dare to think.

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


4 posted 02-25-2003 03:10 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Ed...Wow!  I can't say enough about the imagery in this..so original, and the way you described what you were doing put me right there with the sounds and smells..Really, really well done, my friend!  Cudos! and
Ratleader
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 01-23-2003
Posts 7179
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass


5 posted 02-25-2003 03:11 PM       View Profile for Ratleader   Email Ratleader   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ratleader's Home Page   View IP for Ratleader

Hey, Minister -- this is exactly the kind of read I hope for! I keep a file called "good critiques," stuff I want to refer back to in the future, and yours is definitely going into it.

Before writing this reply, I split my screen and sent the new half to your site....we be checking it out, for sure.

I'm finding that the more I write, the more writing I can do. I'm writing more now than I ever have, and after a few days of "stuck-in-right-brain" disorientation when I hesitated to drive, I'm doing better than ever before.

I wrote this one in response to a challenge from Martie, to put more physical sensation into my poetry, rather than just visual and kinetic imagery.

I wrote half of it in strophes, and then decided to stick 'em together. Maybe a poor decision -- I'll go back and look at that, and all your other comments. Thanks again.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

Ericc
Member Elite
since 01-31-2003
Posts 4261


6 posted 02-25-2003 03:51 PM       View Profile for Ericc   Email Ericc   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ericc

This is a great read!
Eric
Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 12-27-2002
Posts 8464
Florida


7 posted 02-25-2003 04:20 PM       View Profile for Susan Caldwell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Susan Caldwell

I am a born and raised Hoosier, so I grew up getting shots for hay fever!!!  

This was a great piece, so perfectly written.  You stood up to the challenge splendidly!

Susan
garysgirl
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 09-29-2002
Posts 20064
Florida, USA


8 posted 02-25-2003 04:40 PM       View Profile for garysgirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit garysgirl's Home Page   View IP for garysgirl

Well, Ed, you know I don't know all the ways to critique, but, I do know that I could see the entire scene as I was reading and it seemed as though I was smelling the scent of fresh hay before I was finished.

In other words, I loved your poem....LOL...

"Love makes the world go around"
~with love and hugs from Ethel__GG~  
                  

Ratleader
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 01-23-2003
Posts 7179
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass


9 posted 02-25-2003 07:28 PM       View Profile for Ratleader   Email Ratleader   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ratleader's Home Page   View IP for Ratleader

Heh-heh -- maybe if I work a little harder I could have you smelling the guy who was doing the stacking, too....also rather "distinct" if I remember correctly........

Glad you liked it.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

Minister Joe
Member
since 02-22-2003
Posts 79
TX, USA


10 posted 02-25-2003 11:02 PM       View Profile for Minister Joe   Email Minister Joe   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Minister Joe's Home Page   View IP for Minister Joe

Ed, I'm glad you liked it--I saw that you were open to critique--and well, when I read a work that gets me to a place... like that pasture--I tend to ramble a bit, but--I love writing, I love how poetry communciates--and when it works, it really works.

Today--I was talking with another writer--about the "perfect moment/image"--and I said that there really wasn't because everybody can interpret things differently.  However, I still can see that image--grasshoppers jumping out of the grasses like clothes-pins, and I was picturin the ones held together with a metal spring, and someone was just holding it open--then letting it pop out of their hand, and how that looks... and wow--exactly like those great big yellow/black grasshoppers jumping--and well, that's just about as perfect as it gets.

I think that for flow--and the way you were writing it... that it felt better to not be seperated in strophes... but that's something you can play with.

Just the god-given ability to take a memory, and make it real for readers (as is evidenced by all your reactions here)--is a gift.  

Haha--oh yes, I think that's great about the sweat, very funny.

Really wonderful to read this today, and I anxious to read your other work.

(does the happyhappyjoyjoy dance for joining here)

Give what you have. To someone, it may be better than you dare to think.

Ratleader
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 01-23-2003
Posts 7179
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass


11 posted 02-25-2003 11:16 PM       View Profile for Ratleader   Email Ratleader   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ratleader's Home Page   View IP for Ratleader

Hi again, Joe -- You'll probably see that one thing I try for is variety. I like to find subjects that are different from anything I've done before, and just play around with different ways of talking about them. The style of this poem is what's most natural for me, but I'll try anything I can think of, even if it means I have to think up rhymes for "lapis lazuli"....

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

Minister Joe
Member
since 02-22-2003
Posts 79
TX, USA


12 posted 02-25-2003 11:21 PM       View Profile for Minister Joe   Email Minister Joe   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Minister Joe's Home Page   View IP for Minister Joe

That's a wonderful way to do it.

Play--tinker... do what you haven't done before--that will not only sharpen your skills, but make you a more flexible writer--as well as prolific.

Okay, I give--so what does rhyme with lapis lazuli? ;o)

Give what you have. To someone, it may be better than you dare to think.

Ratleader
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 01-23-2003
Posts 7179
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass


13 posted 02-25-2003 11:28 PM       View Profile for Ratleader   Email Ratleader   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ratleader's Home Page   View IP for Ratleader

Heh-heh--- thought you'd never ask.....
http://piptalk.com/pip/Forum76/HTML/002872.html

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

Minister Joe
Member
since 02-22-2003
Posts 79
TX, USA


14 posted 02-25-2003 11:36 PM       View Profile for Minister Joe   Email Minister Joe   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Minister Joe's Home Page   View IP for Minister Joe

You did!

Wow, and here I thought that you were going to have to ponder on it.

But that was well done.
Ratleader
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 01-23-2003
Posts 7179
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass


15 posted 02-25-2003 11:38 PM       View Profile for Ratleader   Email Ratleader   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ratleader's Home Page   View IP for Ratleader

Yep, I'm a Happy Mutant, gots to play allatime, although of course being very, very serious is also play.....

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 08-26-99
Posts 46297
displaced


16 posted 02-26-2003 03:04 AM       View Profile for passing shadows   Email passing shadows   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for passing shadows

well... can't say what's already been said, but I really enjoyed this!
wranx
Member Elite
since 06-07-2002
Posts 3778
Moved from a shack to a barn


17 posted 02-27-2003 09:32 AM       View Profile for wranx   Email wranx   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for wranx

Ah Geez, those wonderful horrible late summer days.

Makin' hay,
chuckin' hay,
breathing hay.

Hey Dumbass,
put yer shirt back on!

This has kind of a "Steinbeck" thing, goin' on.

Nice, Ed

Ed.
Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 05-18-2001
Posts 29020
Gaia


18 posted 07-10-2004 10:03 AM       View Profile for Midnitesun   Email Midnitesun   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Midnitesun

LOL at Ed's reply.
Glad you put this link on kayjay's thread, I had missed this gem.
enjoyed
kayjay
Member Elite
since 06-24-2002
Posts 2334
Oregon


19 posted 07-10-2004 01:44 PM       View Profile for kayjay   Email kayjay   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for kayjay

Thank you so much for this link, I'd not seen it.  I toyed with free verse for the heat and scratchiness and the cursing woman who outworked the men, but ended up with the sonnet.  You've well captured haying, the toil and the farmer's life.  Well done!!  Ken

Through rubble and trouble and dark of night
The yawn of a dawn will hasten the light

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


20 posted 07-11-2004 08:16 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

I'm so glad this was
bumped back up for everyone's pleasure...
Ratleader will be notified of replies
 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Archives >> Open Poetry #25 >> Stacking Bales Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors