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Open Poetry #25
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IcyFlamez89
Member
since 2003-02-14
Posts 292
Jersey City NJ

0 posted 2003-02-21 10:37 PM


[sigh] Title lacks originality, but finally I'm able to write again. It still sounds sad, but now at least it isn't that pitiful:

Darkness wraps the dusk, and the sky is as black as ebony- and just as void.
The ocean roars wild, thrashing a fury of tempests.
And still, my shattered heart is darker than the stillest night.
My cries raging like the storm.
I mourn for loss, for the love I found and lost- a cruel twist of fate.
In the chaos of my despair, your last words still ring clear as sunshine:
By the Winds you'll hear my whispers, and the strength it breathes in you.
By the Sea you'll see my face, my perfect figure in its reflections.
By the Earth you'll sense my touch, the soft caress more delicate than flowers.
And by the Fire you'll feel my love eternal, the warmth it radiates forever.
And so I've spent many seasons, listening to every word of your voice.
Many moons I've passed, looking at your image.
Many years I have been lying in the ground, just to feel your touch.
And an eternity I've used sitting near the flames, letting your love consume me.
And now my beloved, the moment I've yearned for so long has come...
I shall shed no more tears, wail no more anguish.
For we are reunited at long, long last...

Be harsh. Any critcism accepted greatly, good or bad.

[Edits] Some typos fixed iz all

[This message has been edited by IcyFlamez89 (02-21-2003 11:43 PM).]

© Copyright 2003 George Salazar - All Rights Reserved
Ericc
Member Elite
since 2003-01-31
Posts 4178

1 posted 2003-02-21 10:51 PM


This is very lyrical and flows nicely.
You paint a beautiful picture.
Eric

Mistletoe Angel
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Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
2 posted 2003-02-21 11:05 PM




(sigh) Oh George, this is lovely, sweet friend, this made me smile as you make the elements of the world come alive with magic here! (big hugggsssssss) God Bless You, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet George, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

IcyFlamez89
Member
since 2003-02-14
Posts 292
Jersey City NJ
3 posted 2003-02-21 11:34 PM


Thanks. I think my my creative juices are flowing agen. All of you ar so supportive, i thinkthat played an important part in the improvement of my writing. Thanks agen for your comments.
IcyFlamez89
Member
since 2003-02-14
Posts 292
Jersey City NJ
4 posted 2003-02-25 11:04 PM


It sounds abit gloomy, I think i shud start usin lighter atmospheres for a change
Justbleu
Member Elite
since 1999-08-31
Posts 3329
Oregon, Originally From Alaska :)
5 posted 2003-03-31 10:24 PM


I enjoyed this....Beautiful love poem!!!!
Bridgette

"Somewhere, somehow, it should be possible to touch someone and never let go again.  To hold someone, not for a moment but forever." Unknown


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