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Open Poetry #25
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Corinne
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since 1999-10-28
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state of confusion

0 posted 2003-02-18 06:41 PM




Signals


Some spell
has stirred this -

blame the thought clouds -
they pass above in cumulus,

foggy exaltations,
puffs of us
hung in a shingle of seconds

below, we brush snow crystals
from pine branches
and disturb polar linens
with vanilla flesh

oh it
feels

like snow


© 2003 Core

[This message has been edited by Corinne (02-19-2003 12:25 PM).]

© Copyright 2003 Corinne - All Rights Reserved
Cpat Hair
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1 posted 2003-02-18 06:52 PM


ok.... since my original comment now has no meaning to the rework...

I'll say this one floats in that space temporary...
the intrinsic value of the thiings passing  being in their meaning not in their substance...

very nice rework.. but the original... still a very good piece almost of a different cloth than this one.

[This message has been edited by Cpat Hair (02-19-2003 03:40 PM).]

Albert J. Allie
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since 2003-02-13
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Queens NY
2 posted 2003-02-18 07:29 PM



Duncan
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since 2001-08-07
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3 posted 2003-02-18 08:28 PM


'it’s the thought clouds -
they pass above us
in cumulus,

foggy exaltations,'

Very cool image here.  Like it a lot!

Mistletoe Angel
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4 posted 2003-02-18 08:49 PM




(sigh) Yet if the shingles make a sound, there is always silver between the clouds, as only when the clouds become nimbostratus does the smoke scream! (big hugggssssss) This is wonderfully heartfelt, sweet friend, I just love your imagery, it always leaves me breathless, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Corinne, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton


"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

[This message has been edited by Mistletoe Angel (02-26-2003 02:38 PM).]

Parker
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since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129
ON
5 posted 2003-02-18 09:04 PM


Sweet poet, you seem to be able to take something that seems so simple a give it so many levels... most of which I fail to fathom. Great writing.

Park

wranx
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since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn
6 posted 2003-02-18 10:26 PM


Pffffffffft!....Gone....

Nice work.

Ed

elfin_tigress
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since 2002-05-15
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Someplace
7 posted 2003-02-18 11:11 PM


oooo...
passing shadows
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displaced
8 posted 2003-02-19 02:46 AM


wow!
Corinne
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since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167
state of confusion
9 posted 2003-02-19 12:38 PM


Thanks everyone - it became obvious by the reactions that this was too - um - vague! LOL

So, a total rewrite this morning offered up hot and fresh.

thanks again!

Core

Janet Marie
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since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

10 posted 2003-02-19 03:31 PM


below, we brush snow crystals
from pine branches
and disturb polar linens
with vanilla flesh

oh it
feels

like snow

==================================


you do so much with so few perfectly chosen words...awesome and unique imagery here poetess C.

" ... And think not, that you can direct the course of love ...
if it finds you worthy ...  it then directs your course."

K.Gibran


Cpat Hair
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11 posted 2003-02-19 03:41 PM


ok... re-wrote emy original comment..


Corinne
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state of confusion
12 posted 2003-02-19 04:12 PM


Thanks JM!

Thanks, Ron. Yes, they are different in feel, although I tried to simply add more clarity to the mix. The recipe often takes on its own direction!

Corinne

Charisma
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lost in blue pages
13 posted 2003-02-19 04:15 PM


nicely done!!



Charisma

Enchantress
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Canada eh.
14 posted 2003-02-19 04:53 PM


Oooh YES!!  For sure....one for the book!
~Hugs~

~ Trace my body with your words..
And in doing so, you touch my heart. ~

Poet deVine
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Hurricane Alley
15 posted 2003-02-22 04:05 PM


I like it this way too.
aries_luv_ppl
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since 2001-09-20
Posts 1448
Universal Mind
16 posted 2003-02-22 04:08 PM


oh yes, I voted

~Every girl has a dream within.

Kethry
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since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082
Victoria Australia
17 posted 2003-02-22 04:13 PM


perfect imagery, I'm sorry I missed the original.
Kethry

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind.  Unknown



Dark Angel
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since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

18 posted 2003-02-22 05:21 PM


Just love the imagery.

Enjoyed very much.

Maree

Chanson
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since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle
19 posted 2003-02-23 12:29 PM


You poem is a winter delicacy. *s

My favorites images--

...blame the thought clouds -

...foggy exaltations,
...puffs of us

...and disturb polar linens

When you think you have heard it all,
listen more closely.
~Dorene

Earth Angel
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since 2002-08-27
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Realms of Light
20 posted 2003-02-23 12:35 PM


Your poem has an ethereal feel to it--and I like things ethereal!

~ May God's sign posts guide you along your life's journey...

P.S. Your photo is artistic and creative, and your face is very pretty but I have a sense that you are being carried away from us by the mists of time...

Magnus
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21 posted 2003-02-23 12:37 PM


Yes,  ethereal is a perfect feel of this
poem.  Very nicely done Cor...

Marge Tindal
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Florida's Foreverly Shores
22 posted 2003-02-26 12:54 PM


Corinne~
And a beautiful direction this took, indeed !
Hope you are doing splendiforous~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com                        

bsquirrel
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23 posted 2003-02-26 02:37 PM


Reminds me of my boyhood in New Hampshire. I love this poem.
vandana
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24 posted 2003-02-26 07:02 PM


enjoyed
Nan
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25 posted 2003-02-28 09:29 AM


This is a must...
Corinne
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state of confusion
26 posted 2003-02-28 03:36 PM


Thank you all, very kindly!

Core

suthern
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27 posted 2003-03-18 11:38 AM


blame the thought clouds -
they pass above in cumulus,

foggy exaltations,
puffs of us
hung in a shingle of seconds

Such a picture you paint with such few words... I like this very much! *S*


Earth Angel
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Realms of Light
28 posted 2003-03-18 11:49 AM


Delightful!

Warm hugs,
Linda

Corinne
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since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167
state of confusion
29 posted 2003-03-18 04:12 PM


Thanks Suthern and Linda!

Corinne

WhiteRose
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somebody's dungeon
30 posted 2003-03-18 06:37 PM


A wonderful write, it gets my vote.
Sven
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31 posted 2003-03-18 09:23 PM


yes. . . I know this scene. . .

excellent work. . .

----------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

garysgirl
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32 posted 2003-03-18 10:22 PM


You have a wonderful way with words, Corrine.

"Love makes the world go around"
~with love and hugs from Ethel__GG~  
                  

Ratleader
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33 posted 2003-03-18 10:32 PM


A beautiful introspection -- love this little poem!

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

vlraynes
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since 2000-07-25
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Somewhere... out there...
34 posted 2003-03-19 04:35 AM



This, Corinne, is gorgeous, and an excellent
choice for a book submission.

"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

hoot_owl_rn
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since 1999-07-05
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Glen Hope, PA USA
35 posted 2003-03-27 05:58 PM



Parker
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ON
36 posted 2003-03-28 12:28 PM


Sure you lay naked with your vanilla flesh in the cold white stuff and i'm sure it will feel like snow.

Oh forgot to vote first time through, great write still not sure I understand all of it, but I'm kinda slow that way...lol

Park

Lost Dreamer
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since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464
Somewhere near the Rainbow
37 posted 2003-04-03 12:11 PM


This poem most definately deserves to be in Reflections. I enjoyed reading your snowy flakes of inspiration.

Sometimes we have to follow a stronger voice, even if it's silent.



Sunshine
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Listening to every heart
38 posted 2003-04-03 12:19 PM


God bless the person
who slipped this back up
to the top so I could vote....

            Karilea - If I whisper, will you listen?...

[This message has been edited by Sunshine (04-03-2003 12:20 PM).]

SPIRIT
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since 2002-12-29
Posts 1745
California Desert
39 posted 2003-04-12 09:58 PM


Lovely write.
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