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Passions in Poetry

Trip the Breaker

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Effigy
Member
since 04-11-2000
Posts 490
Just sitting at the computer


0 posted 02-17-2003 05:54 PM       View Profile for Effigy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Effigy

TURN IT OFF!
            "I can't,"
                     -speaking only to myself.

Where is the switch?
            (I don't know).

How do I trip the breaker?
            (can't tell you).

Why the hell not?
            (don't know).

Can you stop feeling?
            - make me numb.
            - slow the sensation

It's in my mind,
can't I make it stop?

Flip the switch,
trip the breaker,
just make it cease.

            - Pause?
            - Rewind?
      Do it all over again.

Bound together
solid rings
love/pain
happiness/hate

It's all in the past
or present.
            -still in my head.

Flip the switch
trip the breaker
emotional suicide.

[This message has been edited by Effigy (02-17-2003 05:58 PM).]

© Copyright 2003 Effigy - All Rights Reserved
Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 06-05-2001
Posts 12075


1 posted 02-17-2003 05:59 PM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

my friend when you find the way..the place..
let us all know would you... there are times it would truly help...

enjoyed the write... and the thoughts
the_loner_23
Member Ascendant
since 06-08-2002
Posts 5670
Jacksonville, Florida, USA


2 posted 02-17-2003 06:17 PM       View Profile for the_loner_23   Email the_loner_23   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for the_loner_23

This is a great write.

Cold hands means a warm heart

inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis
since 11-19-2002
Posts 7522
Ohio


3 posted 02-17-2003 09:00 PM       View Profile for inkedgoddess   Email inkedgoddess   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for inkedgoddess

kind of disturbing
but good
Albert J. Allie
Senior Member
since 02-13-2003
Posts 520
Queens NY


4 posted 02-17-2003 10:51 PM       View Profile for Albert J. Allie   Email Albert J. Allie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Albert J. Allie

I agree it WAS disturbing but hey...we are all no different.
GREAT STUFF!!!
Effigy
Member
since 04-11-2000
Posts 490
Just sitting at the computer


5 posted 02-18-2003 09:08 AM       View Profile for Effigy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Effigy

thanks...I guess.
VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 11-16-2000
Posts 7440
Oregon


6 posted 02-18-2003 09:15 AM       View Profile for VAS   Email VAS   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for VAS

Ah, yes! It's the "Stop the world, I wanna get off!" syndrome.

Very well said for when the intense feelings of pain, sorrow, fear, vulnerability stay too long. We wish we could turn it off until it is over, then turn it on when it has passed. You've written the cry in an unique way with very powerful words and intensity.

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 08-26-99
Posts 46297
displaced


7 posted 02-18-2003 12:31 PM       View Profile for passing shadows   Email passing shadows   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for passing shadows

I've been there too
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 08-26-99
Posts 46297
displaced


8 posted 05-02-2004 07:31 PM       View Profile for passing shadows   Email passing shadows   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for passing shadows

forne_marin
Member
since 04-13-2004
Posts 140
Spartanburg, South Carolina


9 posted 05-14-2004 09:59 AM       View Profile for forne_marin   Email forne_marin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit forne_marin's Home Page   View IP for forne_marin

This is an interesting piece, and I enjoyed it. Again, your use of parenthesis inside the peice makes for a very effective voice.

The only thing I didn't like was the last line. I don't think "emotional suicide" is the correct metaphor to use. Your speaker doesn't want to kill himself--in fact, he doesn't want to kill off his emotions either--he just wants the pain to go away. I'd go with "emotional anesthesia". Or if you really want to stick with a death image, I'd change it to "emotional euthanasia"--mercy killing.

I believe the most important component of a poem is rhythm. Rhythm is the heartbeat of a poem. It is what makes poetry poetry.

 
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