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JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

0 posted 2003-02-19 02:22 PM

A Matter of Time

If you were to inquire
what happened to us two
I would say I tired of
begging for time with you.

For if I have to
beg for a kiss
the quality is gone
and the value is missed.

Why would you make
me beg for your time?
All my time was yours
but your time was not mine.

JamesLee
February17
2003

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

1 posted 2003-02-19 02:29 PM

hey james.. a suggestion?
read this to yourself with the last line changed to
"but you're not mine."

and tell me what you think about the flow as well as the meaning..does it change it too much?

the_loner_23
Member Ascendant

since 2002-06-08

Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA

2 posted 2003-02-19 02:33 PM

I really like this. I know how this feels.

Cold hands means a warm heart

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

3 posted 2003-02-19 02:39 PM

Thank you Cpat and the loner for responding...
Cpat the flow sounds so much better but it would change the meaning for me...this is a sensitive situation for me...James

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

4 posted 2003-02-19 02:47 PM

understand James... not trying to put my nose in and know how it is when the writing means something more than just the art.. sorry if I was out of line.

Sunnyone
Member Ascendant

since 2000-07-06

Posts 5334
Staffordshire, England