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Passions in Poetry

An Andy Rooney Moment

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oceanvu2
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since 02-24-2007
Posts 1007
Santa Monica, California, USA


0 posted 03-22-2008 01:53 PM       View Profile for oceanvu2   Email oceanvu2   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for oceanvu2

    Do you like Smucker's jam?  I like Smucker's jam. I've been liking it for almost as long as I can remember, which is almost as long as my eyebrows.  Seedless blackberry on a buttered English Muffin.  That's my favorite. I don't like the seeded kind.  The seeds stick in my teeth.

    I was thinking about this because Smucker's has a new advertising campaign on television.  It's not about blackberries, though.  It's about strawberries.  Not even strawberry jam, just fields of strawberry plants, a dirt road, a couple of kids and an old pick-up truck.

     I guess it's supposed to make us think of all the natural goodness and fresh fruit that goes into Smucker's jam.  It made ME think that those kid's were out in the field stealing strawberries.

     Oh, I don't mind that Smucker's doesn't want to show pictures of soil fumigation taking place, or workers spraying the pesticides and fungicides that keep the berries bright and bug--less.  And they don't show the stoop labor required to hand harvest the crop.
  
    Smucker's never said it's products were organic.  I don't even know if Smucker's owns a farm.  They don't say they do.  Maybe they just contract for various crops like most major fruit processors.

     I think, though, that Smucker's ought to be showing us fields of corn.  Smucker's puts all kinds of different fruit in it it's bottles, but it puts high fructose corn syrup and another kind of corn syrup which I guess isn't so high in fructose, in every bottle of every variety.

     My Mom used to put up jam and jelly.  We didn't have a farm.  She bought the fruit from a friut peddlar's horse-drawn cart.  You don't see those anymore.  

     She didn't always get it right.  Sometimes her jellies were more like a thick fruit soup, but they tasted good anyway.  Her recipes had four ingredients:  fruit, sugar, pectin, and a little lemon juice.  I can't ever remember her using high fructose corn syrup.  Or the other kind of corn syrup either.

    The only kind of corn syrup I could find in the grocery was Karo.  And I can't find any recipes for homemade jam with Karo in it.

     Hmmm!  With a name like Smucker's, I think they could try just a little harder.  And so could Knott's Berry Farm, which uses corn syrups in its jams and jellies too.  Just for the sake of natural goodness and all that.

     So I decided to appease my sweet tooth this morning with a Snicker's bar which is made almost entirely of, aw, you don't really want to know.


Jimbeaux  


  


[This message has been edited by oceanvu2 (03-22-2008 03:18 PM).]

Alison
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Member Rara Avis
since 01-27-2008
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Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!


1 posted 03-22-2008 08:51 PM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

While I smiled as I read this, I am thinking of a conversation that I had with a friend recently.  I was eating dried fruit and she told me how much corn syrup was in the processing of this "healthy" snack.  She ruined my day, week -- oh heck, I am woman enough to admit that she ruined my entire month!

Sucks - unless you grow corn.

A
oceanvu2
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since 02-24-2007
Posts 1007
Santa Monica, California, USA


2 posted 03-23-2008 01:50 AM       View Profile for oceanvu2   Email oceanvu2   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for oceanvu2

Hi Alison!  I don't have a chich with firms which use corn syrup in their products, their choice to produce, our choice to consume.  I do have a chich whith firms that promote "wholesome family farm goodness" in advertising images, while listing the ingredients on the package in 4 point pica.

I probably shouldn't carp about corn syrup, either.  For all I know, it cures cancer.  But I'm not sure about that.

The real point of the post was to do a little rant in the style of Andy Rooney.  He's got a pretty distinct if meandering style, and this was a tribute with a point, not necessarily a scream.

Best, Jimbeaux
Alison
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Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!


3 posted 03-23-2008 03:21 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Yes, I understood the Andy Rooney moment of it all.  I thought that dried cherries (or whatever they were) were healthy also.  That's all I meant.
Not A Poet
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since 11-03-1999
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4 posted 03-23-2008 11:54 AM       View Profile for Not A Poet   Email Not A Poet   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Not A Poet's Home Page   View IP for Not A Poet

Jim, I thought it was excellent. Even if you had not mentioned Andy, I would have still seen his image in this. Since that was your goal, I would have to say you hit it pretty darn close to 100%.

Pete
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5 posted 03-23-2008 03:26 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

I agree, Jim. Sterling job!
serenity blaze
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6 posted 03-23-2008 08:19 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Have you noticed that lately you have to wait sixty minutes to watch "Sixty Minutes"?

You'd think that a program that uses the sound of a ticking clock as part of its identity would have the decency to begin on time.

I've never actually timed the show, but I don't think that it actually lasts a full sixty minutes. How often have you waited for a carefully timed sports event to end, so you could watch "Sixty Minutes"---and sometimes the most enjoyable portion of the show is the ironic two minute commentary at the end?

Maybe they should call it "Sixty Minutes Delayed" or "Don't Hold Your Breath".

Now that I'm thinking about it, that ticking clock seems to tick awfully fast. Maybe we should time their clock for accuracy while we also consider the accuracy of their news reports.

And what about their sponsors? Should a news program be held responsible for truth in advertising as well? I see that Flomax was just proudly announced as one of their sponsors. I mean, "who doesn't want to spend less time in the bathroom?" Especially while the clock is ticking.

Which leads one to ponder, what do basketball players and football players do if they have that "frequent urination" problem? Now that's a segment I'd like to see investigated.

I'm not Andy Rooney and I hope that's apparent.

* * *

My hat's off to ya, Jimbeaux, 'cause I couldn't quite pull it off with the finesse that you did, but I couldn't resist giving it a shot!

Great job!

(And yep, I can learn alot from you--and ooh, this segment's good.)

The clock is ticking! ciao!
oceanvu2
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since 02-24-2007
Posts 1007
Santa Monica, California, USA


7 posted 03-24-2008 01:15 PM       View Profile for oceanvu2   Email oceanvu2   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for oceanvu2

Thank you, friends of the earth!  I was having a bit of fun and I'm glad it provided some amusement.

Karen:  the "learning" thing is truly mutual.

Best, Jimbeaux
Sunshine
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since 06-25-99
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Listening to every heart


8 posted 03-24-2008 03:50 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

Jim, I enjoyed the laugh...a LOT. I really liked the eyebrow note. That there alone was worth the price of admission.

Great job!

inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis
since 11-19-2002
Posts 7522
Ohio


9 posted 03-24-2008 04:46 PM       View Profile for inkedgoddess   Email inkedgoddess   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for inkedgoddess

almost as revolting as the old geezer himself
thanks for the monday afternoon blessing
that i dont have to ever watch this man again.
Not A Poet
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since 11-03-1999
Posts 4427
Oklahoma, USA


10 posted 03-24-2008 07:08 PM       View Profile for Not A Poet   Email Not A Poet   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Not A Poet's Home Page   View IP for Not A Poet

Jim, I just read this to my wife without the title or subject and did not let her see it. As soon as I finished she said "That sounds just like that old guy used to be on 60 Minutes." Yep, it really works.
Pete
 
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