very sorry to hear that John
well then, all I have to say is this...
people constantly grow and change, and sometimes with that change comes a change in feelings...although, I can honestly say, if it were me...there will always be a love/respect within, for the man/men that were very kind, understanding and mature responsible folks.
But sometimes, people grow out of love I suppose...they still love and respect one another, but, they simply cannot remain together. It is a very sad time...
I've always felt, if someone came along who loved and respected himself, he would then treat me the same, and even though we didn't love each other at first sight, a caring, patient friendship, just might mutually blend into something more? Who could not help but love someone who treated them with respect, who would be willing to allow me to still persue an education, my hobbies, friends, who would not stand back and be intimidated, but would enjoy joining, as I would his life.
I don't know John, as I don't personally know the situation, which is very personal between two...only they know what would mutually be right for everyone involved, and that's the key, it isn't just about one person, or two, but family as well, which should also be a consideration. Have they tried counseling together? That might be an option to help them rekindle a love they once felt for each other. Two must be able to consider the other's feelings, to self evaluate.
Relationships are not easy, sometimes very hard work...which does build not only a future, but change...and sometimes people are threatened by change...but one cannot stagnate a person's future, b/c the other might want to explore a different direction, such as a new hobbie, a new career, new friends, instead, if the person who is feeling left behind allows and joins in, just think how lovely their lives could flower.
This always reminds me of the movie...Shall We Dance...perfect example. I believe at first she was jealous that he found another interest, new friends, and loved dancing, she felt left out, but in the end, realized he needed some space, it wasn't another woman, it was a need to feel sucessful at something...on his own...something special for him....when she realized that, she not only allowed, but encouraged him, which was a very unselfish and loving, mature gesture. Way to many people want to control the lives of their mates...to rant and rave and be intimidated by their mates independence...or desire to grow and flourish.
The world evolves, and spins like a top, change is inevidiable...in each and every life...it is needed to refresh and revive, to learn and continue a journey...and each individual person has a journey, to explore and accomplish...if one tries to stagnate that accomplishment of change, then, two lives, maybe more are so devestatingly effected.
The ability to allow & encourage other peoples happiness, even our children, friends, is the key. To rejoice for their successes, to be there for their failures, not to say, "I told you so" but for support...I suppose what I'm saying is if and when you love someone in that way, your recieve back, two fold?
This to me, is my idea of love. And love changes like everything else, it just takes two very mature people to sit down and calmly communicate their wants and needs, which may not always include the other person, but when one allows that person to experience, I betcha, in most cases, they will return, not only rejuvinated, but feeling a much stronger and mature love for their mate. Now of course, this does not in any way, suggest an extra marital affair.
I hope in some small way, I've helped John.