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LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 06-19-2003
Posts 13093
SE PA


0 posted 05-25-2005 10:47 AM       View Profile for LeeJ   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LeeJ

I'm so angry, there was a warning on the news this morning...to parents
Keep your children underwatch during these summer hours...
Teach them to never go with a stranger, nor take presents from a stranger, due to sexual preditors...
Another perfect example of our unlawful laws...I wish so, people would stop turning their heads to this...and put these preditors behind bars for good!

I don't hate anyone, really, but I do hate our liberal laws and the insult behind them, the harm they do, and what about the children, are we all not parents....?

whew...calm me down Lord....


JoshG
Member
since 11-16-2004
Posts 127
TX, USA


1 posted 05-25-2005 11:28 AM       View Profile for JoshG   Email JoshG   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JoshG

Amen, I completely agree!  We need to start standing for something or watch the pieces fall around us.  Including me!
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


2 posted 05-25-2005 01:37 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

I never needed a news alert for that.

I've always known better.

Which is why I have a houseful of teenagers on a daily basis.

Like yesterday for example, I knew where my kids were, but was puzzled when the last of my dishwashing detergent came up missing.

I found the bottle (empty) and THEM, on the trampoline (gulp) full of suds, slippery and soaking wet, laughing like mini-madmen.

(I know, I know, I told 'em if they wanted their necks broken, I could expedite that. Grrrr.)

But they keep me educated. Celtic deathmetal??? Who knew?

sigh

So I'm a little jumpy sometimes, but I know where my kids are, and if you lived by me, you'd know where YOUR kids were too.

:sheesh:

Guess I'll go type up some release of liability forms now.

But I can go the news one better. Watch the kids? Yanno? If you LISTEN to them, they are more likely to talk to ya too.


(serenity exits, muttering, "Where's my valerian?")

*weak smile*

*winks*
LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 06-19-2003
Posts 13093
SE PA


3 posted 05-25-2005 02:24 PM       View Profile for LeeJ   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LeeJ

yes, Serenity, grinning from ear to ear
Know what you mean, and yes, our home was the same, they were all there, then, no liability forms were necessary....and by the way....sheeesh, now I know what happened to all the dish detergent all the time?

hehehe

Seriously though, yes, to listen and teach your children is a good thing, but the point I'm trying to make here is that we gotta get these people off the streets

Sheeesh, there are people in jail for misdemeaner drug offenses, say a joint or two..what in God's name are these preditors doing, walking around free...where is the justice....

I know, I know, I sound like a broken record...but I was a victim...and nobody knows what goes thru a child's mind, and the effects for the rest of their lives...

Maybe I should ask, what would you do, if it were God forbid your child?  Your grand child...would you turn your head and hide it even more?  

I believe this country is embarrased to bring this out in the open and acknowledge this henous crime against helpless innocent children who are taught to trust adults with their lives...and it's usually someone you know, or a teacher or leader of sorts?

What does it take to bring attention to this and do you actually acknowledge and realize how much of this is going on, back then, and even more so now?

I dunno, perhaps this is pointless...futile...but I'd like to know that me being a victum of sexual abuse from the age of 5 years old until around 10 or 11 years of age, has got to account for something.

These preditors are clever, great actors and know how to seduce "children"

Thanks Serenity, for the smiles...

and thanks Josh for your feedback to...

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


4 posted 05-25-2005 02:44 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Lee? I do understand sweetie--and I am not without hope, but I do understand something.

My abuser was another child (it started for me when he was thirteen and I was five or six...hard for me to recall actually)

And I understand now that he learned his behaviors by being abused himself, and watching his father abuse his sisters. Now if we trace that back, I'm sure his Dad learned it somewhere too, in a similar fashion.

*shaking my head*

I'm sure it has made national news somewhere, but right now, there is a horrendous scandal being played out nearby.

Ritual sexual abuse of children, in a local Christian church. Among the first three arrested were not only the minister, but a church "elder" who is a former police officer.

Here's today's story ( http://www.nola.com/newsflash/louisiana/index.ssf?/base/news-16/1117030142166050.xml&storylist=louisiana )

and if you want to read back just hit the fourteen day archive of The Times Picayune, offered at www.nola.com.

I'm so saddened by this, and I understand your rage very well.

But, and I know you know this, seeded memories can be represssed and triggered at any time. Therefore, it's not like we can just round 'em up.

I theorize that men tend to act OUT, because I dunno if you noticed, but men tend to NOT talk about it.

Read the news story at your own risk of rage folks.

People thought their kids WERE off the streets, and safe.

They were in CHURCH.

sigh

Even if we COULD identify a sexual predator easily and round them up, I doubt I would believe it.

I don't believe I'll ever assume that anything is safe.

LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 06-19-2003
Posts 13093
SE PA


5 posted 05-25-2005 02:47 PM       View Profile for LeeJ   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LeeJ

Boy oh boy, how utterly sad...

Serentity, thanks so very much for your understanding words and kindness....you are greatly appreciated...

hugs
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
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Listening to every heart


6 posted 05-25-2005 03:02 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

http://www.crimelibrary.com/serial_killers/unsolved/btk/index_1.html

It goes beyond predators [and this story is semi-resolved as he person has been captured] and straight into insanity at times...the fact that this particular individual was able to be held in high regard in his community devastated those who knew him.

I agree, ladies...

and the solutions always start in our own backyard.
LeeJ
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since 06-19-2003
Posts 13093
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7 posted 05-25-2005 03:24 PM       View Profile for LeeJ   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LeeJ

What really scars me is....on Larry King live, there was a doctor who works with the rehabilitation of these preditors...who is actually in favor of rehabilitation, and letting these people free, to see, if it happens again...and I couldn't help but wonder all the time in defense of these people, if, it happened to his daughter, if he could be so in favor of this program?

Again I say, unless it's hit home, one cannot understand the true violence and disturbance in the lives of the victims...the questions of why's and how could this have happened? And always the question...what about the victims?  Why is everyone ignoring them...us?  Where was our rehabilitation?  Our free programs...and what excuse was given to us, in all due respect, now, there is a movie out, just about this very subject...same thing happened with the movies of the 60's and 70's which made everyone forget about the crimes of the prisoners, and made you feel sorry for them...rapists, murderers...?

I'm sorry and I apologize, but I don't see the logic in this...it is an insult to the American way, and Christian belief...everyone seems to be going to church anyway, regardless of the countless attacks on children.  Why don't they hold they're ground, shouting, this is unacceptable behavior, practice what you preach or we will not return to church, and these same men of the cloth, had the nerve to dictate, to their parrishes, that they had to confess their sins in order to take communion...sheesh, talk about justice, it should start in our own back yards....



Sunshine
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8 posted 05-25-2005 03:36 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

It did in mine, that's for sure.  For those times that I walked the gray line,

Mom and Dad alternated between Judge and Jury.

Execution of punishment was swift.

And I had lots of reasons later in life to thank them for their perseverance!
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


9 posted 05-25-2005 03:40 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

I'm not sure if rehabilitation is possible either Lee.

I've been trying to unlearn learned reactive behavior for the past twenty years.

So on the rehab issue, mark me as "undecided."

But know I take this issue personally as well, and I still believe that we should exercize some restraint, otherwise, we are in danger of some knee-jerk responses that could become a potential holocaust.

(I'm picturing a KILL ALL THE CLOWNS campaign.)

I can only speak from a personal perspective because it's the only perspective I happen to have, so I will say, that healing for me didn't begin until I understood.

That understanding began when I learned my abuser's story, and I had to forgive him to forgive me. And nod, I wonder where he is sometimes, if he ever got any help, if it's still going on, yanno?

But there has come now this point in my life where I have had to say "enough, Karen."

So I do what I can, and sometimes it's something as lame as a poem, or just a hug, or ears to listen.

But honestly...smile, most days it's enough to COPE.

*peace*



Michelle_loves_Mike
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
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since 12-20-2003
Posts 1200
Pennsylvania


10 posted 05-25-2005 05:29 PM       View Profile for Michelle_loves_Mike   Email Michelle_loves_Mike   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Michelle_loves_Mike

Gotta rant with ya Leej,,,,ALL sexual predators need to be kept locked away. I know there are plenty out there that are "victims" repeating a cycle, and use that plea all the time, but, if the ones that victimized them had been locked away, it seems a sad cycle would have been broken long ago.

Altho, I feel, no matter what the excuse, they need to be kept away. We all know someone, touched in some way, by these fiends, and that is awful,,,,this isnt a medical condition with no cure,,,,it is a sickness that, if cant be cure, can be contained.

I hate to sound like an ogre, but, I have seen too many reports, documentaries, etc., that show how these fiends are "rehabilitated", released,,,and strike again, and again,,,to end up (hopefully) captured and locked up....so,,,why not KEEP THEM LOCKED UP IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!!

And granted, even in a perfect world, we can never get them all,,and we will have to always be on gaurd with our children (for other reasons too of course: drugs: violence: etc), but, knowing somethng concrete was being done,,,,so when a cry for help needs to be heard, it is,,,and not hidden behind a fear of what people will think of the real victim thats looking for help...

That is a sick feeling,,,,knowing there are people from toddlers to adult,,,afraid to ask for help, due to the scorn and disbelief that they are bombarded with when they do come forth,,why? Because the laws protect the fiends that are doing these vile acts! The victim has to prove they were victimized,,,face a tribunal,,,be examined,,,all the things they have to endure,,,,,then maybe,,,,the fiend gets convicted,,,,only to get out, all rehabilitated,,,,,to do it again, and again,,,

good title for this Lee,,,,grrrrrrrrrrrrr
sorry if I offended anyone, most likely it won't be read too closely anyway, but, on this I felt I had to put more than 2 cents in,,,,thank you
LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 06-19-2003
Posts 13093
SE PA


11 posted 05-26-2005 10:11 AM       View Profile for LeeJ   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LeeJ

wull I read it closely and can never thank you enough...as well as Serenity and all others who chime in....there is a great need in this country to stop protecting the criminal actions with excuse and start thinking about the victims.  I was 5 years old when it started, and by the time I was 10 and 11 couldn't take it any longer.  I held out as long as I could, b/c I was the oldest, and sorely afraid that my cousins would be attacked.  Little did I know, that they were already being abused, but in my own childhood mind, felt he would leave them alone if I was there.  I know, I know...but couldn't take it any longer and finally told my real mother.  It was hard to do...and after the fact, was made to feel by her and her sister that I was an evil child for even suggesting and my cousins were kept away from me....I can't tell you the hurt...the shame, the feelings of guilt, not to mention, how little the validity of my word meant to them...adults don't seem to listen to children.  

I couldn't talk about this for years, until Serenity's thread in forum 35.  Oh, I told a few choice friends that I could trust...and now, am no longer afraid.  Although for years, I've been healed and it surely didn't affect me as badly as it did my cousins...and the guilt for that did remain and I believe still does.  But a child doesn't know what to do, especially if they've got parents that are not as emotionally stable as they should be.  I suppose that's why I'm speaking out now...b/c I want to help bring attention to the victim's and how vital it is for this country to become more aware of their plight.  When I think about those many alter boys who were abused by priests?  I cannot justify those in charge of them, transfering them to other parrishes...I thought this was against the law...and what they have done to those children, well, in my mind, they are as equally responsible for the crime as the preditors, for not bringing it out in the open and making certain those men never touch another child.  To me, that is total lack of respect for their fellow man, and they to, should be thrown out...Do I sound angry, I don't mean to, just adamit that I'm so tired of excuses to cover up and hide the fact from the parents of the children.

and yes, indeed serenity, children are always at risk....I suppose that's why to this day, whenever someone picks on another person with less strength or statue, well, honesty, you have to hold me down...otherwise, I will intervien.

So, anger, no, frustration, yes, at the lack of interest by the people of this country to turn their heads or excuse this behavior or sweep it under the rug.

These kids need help, after all, their taught to trust adults and respect them.  

Hugs to all of you for listening and taking the time to comment.

[This message has been edited by LeeJ (05-26-2005 11:27 AM).]

LeeJ
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since 06-19-2003
Posts 13093
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12 posted 05-26-2005 11:28 AM       View Profile for LeeJ   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LeeJ

Michelle, thanks so much for the rant, you'll more then welcome to rant with me in person any ol time....hugs...
LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 06-19-2003
Posts 13093
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13 posted 05-26-2005 11:29 AM       View Profile for LeeJ   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LeeJ

Josh, I so admire you for chiming in...thanks so much and hugs for the courage...to get involved.

LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 06-19-2003
Posts 13093
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14 posted 05-26-2005 11:30 AM       View Profile for LeeJ   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LeeJ

Kari, somehow makes it all seem worthwhile when I hear stories as yours, thank God for your parents...now I know where your strength comes from.

Hugs to ya gal...
Michelle_loves_Mike
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since 12-20-2003
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Pennsylvania


15 posted 05-26-2005 02:03 PM       View Profile for Michelle_loves_Mike   Email Michelle_loves_Mike   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Michelle_loves_Mike

Lee,,,,,,I have my share of abuse stories endured,,,,and, find it so odd that people use that plea,,,"it happened to me, so I do it". OMG,,,,how on earth, could a person want to inflict that pain, shame, self loathing,,,on another person? I will never figure that out....anyway kiddo, you don't have an email doojiggy on your reply thingy (excuse all the technical terms), so,,please,,send one my way, so we can chat, email, figure out what part of PA we are near,,all that....**more hugs**
Michelle

If home is where the heart is,,,,,I guess the corner bar is where the mind wanders off to

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
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16 posted 05-26-2005 02:29 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Lee? feel free to pass on that e mail to Michelle. (Michelle? smile, I just answered that question for Lee too and I don't mind if you read.)

*peace*

LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 06-19-2003
Posts 13093
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17 posted 05-26-2005 03:20 PM       View Profile for LeeJ   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LeeJ

Michelle  thanks so much for your courage to participate in this thread....hope the anger doesn't show, as much as the frustration with our American culture, this is not something to turn away from, but to face it head on and do something about it.

Serenity...thanks a bunch hun...greatly appreciate your particapation and mentoring as well....it means more then you know.

Hugs
Lee J.
Cloud 9
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since 11-05-2004
Posts 988
Ca


18 posted 05-26-2005 03:31 PM       View Profile for Cloud 9   Email Cloud 9   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cloud 9

LeeJ? LeeJ! You know what I have went through with my son. They come in all shape, size, relative or friend. I couldn't agree with you more. Summer, winter, spring or the fall. They are everywhere.

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 12-27-2002
Posts 8464
Florida


19 posted 05-26-2005 03:51 PM       View Profile for Susan Caldwell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Susan Caldwell

This seems like a good place to ask...

There is a story I heard briefly about a pedophile that was shot and killed by then 15yr old boy...boy gets something like life in prison....(believe this happened here in Florida)  Can anyone give me the name of the boy or give me a link?

much thanks.

"too bad ignorance isn't painful"
~Unknown~

Alicat
Member Elite
since 05-23-99
Posts 4277
Coastal Texas


20 posted 05-26-2005 04:45 PM       View Profile for Alicat   Email Alicat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alicat

First Coast News story

Google keywords: pedophile teen murder florida; pedophile teen killer florida
timothysangel1973
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Never close enough


21 posted 05-27-2005 01:00 AM       View Profile for timothysangel1973   Email timothysangel1973   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit timothysangel1973's Home Page   View IP for timothysangel1973

Well, shoot I don't know how I missed this one.  But, ofcourse I have a story to offer.

First of all, lemme start with some history.  My best friends mother was sexually assaulted when she was around 9 or 10, and so, growing up Star (my friend) was taught what to watch and listen for, and what was acceptable and what was not.  She was lucky enough to never have been put into a situation where she had to put her training into practice.  Thank God huh?

Well, not so long ago, her husbands 14 year old son sexually assaulted both of her children ages 9 and 11.  Now, one has to stop and focus really hard for a minute because at the point of finding something like this out... you are just spinning in place.  She called me the day it happened, and I was by her side (and still am) she and I talked.  She wanted to blame her husband, and then she wondered has he ever touched them.  It's like all of the sudden everyone that she had trusted up until that point was now the enemy.

I talked to her from a mothers point of view and told her that I absolutely understood what she was feeling, however, had she ever had reason to suspect the husband before?  No she answered, and so then we moved on to the next important question... how could she have missed this going on in her own house (with her there most of the time).  Simple.  She trusted that these kids were being kids like we were.  We knew better than to EVER touch another person in a way that wasn't nice.  We knew that if we did, our mama, or daddy, or grandma, or grandpa would damn near kill us before we could even "try" to explain.

This 14 year old child that she had taken from a drug-addicted mother that cared nothing for him, had hurt her and betrayed her trust in the WORST way.  He harmed her children, and had hidden his secret really really well.  Had he been sexually molested?  Those were just a few of the million questions that would come up over the next few months.  The 14 year old was sent to jail beleive it or not, and is now back home (not around these children) and is on probation for a long long time, and he has to attend 2 classes a week on sexual deviant behavior, anger management, AND? he has to attend a sexual thearapy session twice a month.  

My friend is a damn strong woman, because she and her husband are trying to work through this and they ARE.  He was questioned, and analyzed by law inforcement at his own request and his results are that of a father that was just as surprised as my friend was over this news.  

What sets kid molestors apart from adult ones?  Not much, and its a real thin line when you get into the study of it all.  Which, Star and I have over the past few months.  We have read material and talked about this EVERY day.  The one thing that I have found is that not ALL molestors ARE molested.  As in this boys case.  He done it because when he was living with his natuarl mother, she let him run wild, watch pornographic movies, and look at magazines... anything to keep him out of her hair so that she could do drugs, or party.  Yes... I wanted to beat her arse when I heard this cause how can a mother be so uncaring about her own flesh and blood.  But hey... it happens, and we just pick up the peices that these worthless mothers leave behind.  

Anyway.  This teenager was starting to get "feelings" as they call it, and he was experimenting with the two younger children.  First let me say that the virginity of the girl was never taken, and basically it all boiled down to "I will let you look at mine, if you let me look at yours, or.... I will let you touch mine if..." and so on.  It has been determined that this teenage boy was found to have the mental capacity of a 9 year old at the age of 13 and even tho he knew it was wrong, he didnt think that they would lock kids up for that type of behavior.  So, basically he didn't think that it was lawfully punishable.  He was clued in about the time that they place the handcuffs on him and carried him 200 miles from home in a police car.  And... my friend Star has waged war with this childs mental status and has refused to let this child be lost to the system.  She stood for her children in the court room on the day of sentencing and she spoke for them, and all the victims around the world.  She cried tears that only a mother can cry, and then - she asked the judge to punish this child, but then send him home where the love of his family could heal his heart, soul, and mind.  And so far?

He's made major improvements.  He is attending his classes and getting rid of the anger from having a mother that wouldn't pee on him were he on fire, and he's learning that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.  He is checked on twice a week by his probation officer, and he is watched 24 hours a day.  His father even goes so far as to go into the bathroom with him when he takes a bath and he sits in a chair and reads the paper.  Just to show this child that what freedom he did have he let go when he chose to cross the line.  

Star?  She's a warrior in my book and I love her for what she has survived.  

The victims - they bounced right back after they told the truth about what had happened.  It was like a big cloud had made way for the sun.  They are attending counseling and are doing wonderful.  They miss the older brother, but aren't allowed around him for a long time.  They have such forgiving hearts, yet they know now that there isn't enough love in the world to make them indure something being done to them that is wrong.

The mother of the teenager that done it?

Blamed the entire thing on Star's kids.  Now that I will never understand, and when I asked Star what she said when the lady said that, and she answered.  "Yeah well, I will love the child that you carried and cannot love.  But, you always remember, that what goes around comes around."

It has been a long ordeal that will never be over, Star says that she does forgive him, but she will NEVER forget, and when someone told her that Jesus would FORGIVE and FORGET... in her bravest, and most honest voice she answered... "Well, yes he would.  But you can look at me and see that I am NOT Jesus, nor near as perfect."

I watch the news every night and see pictures of molestors, and check my local sex offender registry once a month to see are there any familiar faces that are listed.  It sickens me, because it just doesn't seem to have an end.  I say castrate them, but then I always was a little harsh.  This will continue to grow and get bigger over time, because the system just assumes that these men will rehabilitate over time.  Most of them don't, they spend the rest of there life looking for an opportunity to do it again.  As far as my views on younger kids that do this to others, well once again, a thin line.  Sometimes, it IS just experimental behaviour and nothing more.  Catching it in that phase is very critical as to whether it will become a problem that follows them through life.

I don't think that Star's step-son is a sexual predator, he was just in a situation with younger kids and he was learning about his own body, and to involve them was the next step.  He won't be in that situation anymore, and he KNOWS now that his crimes are punishable, AND, that he can be sent away for a very very long time if he ever acts out on those "feelings" again.  This will follow him for the rest of his life, and hopefully that will encourage him to be the best human being that he can be, and to understand that wrong is wrong whether you are a child or not.

That is where it has to start.  It has to start when these kids aren't adults.  We have to stop sparing the rod with our kids, and take them out to the shed the way that our parents done us.  Stop fearing that DSS will show up on your doorstep and accuse you of being a bad parent because you decided to beat there butts instead of putting them in time out.  I say to anyone that sees me spank my kids - they will leave my house knowing that the hand that rocked the cradle was also the one that carried a large belt, or long switch.  My kids know whippings, and will tell you in a minute that I will get those behinds if they step out of line.  Do I spank often?  Nope.  Don't have too.  Why?  Because my kids KNOW that I will.

They don't fear me.  They respect me.  They know what is right and what is wrong, and they know that the gray areas are no excuse to do something bad.  

It has to start at home.  We have to teach our kids that their bodies belong to THEM and that NO ONE SHOULD EVER touch them in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable.  As parents, we have to take some of the responsibility and not wait for the system to make these changes.  We can't wait until it has happened to teach our little ones how to run kicking and screaming if anyone touches them.

God Bless Our Children and the world that they are growing up in.  Hold tight to your values no matter what anyone says about them.  We need to develop a zero tolerance for sex offenders over a certain age, and we have to stop letting them slime their way through the system.  

Thank you for letting me rant.  I feel better now.  

Tima

*** I came back to add, after reading what I wrote.  I DO NOT mean that it is the parent's fault that this happens to our children.  What I meant was... Let's arm them well, because they are growing up in a bad world.  It is better to be well armed than not armed at all.  Teach them YOUNG what to do, and maybe just maybe we can save these kids from the sickos that are out there.***




I may hate myself in the morning - but I'm gonna love you tonight
-Lee Ann Womack
Michelle_loves_Mike
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since 12-20-2003
Posts 1200
Pennsylvania


22 posted 05-27-2005 07:21 AM       View Profile for Michelle_loves_Mike   Email Michelle_loves_Mike   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Michelle_loves_Mike

Tima, i dig where your friend was coming from, having gone thru it herself, and taught her kids to look out.

"He done it because when he was living with his natuarl mother, she let him run wild, watch pornographic movies, and look at magazines... anything to keep him out of her hair so that she could do drugs, or party."

In as far as being molested himself, it seems the neglect/abuse he grew up with, taught him it was OK to do these things....a young mind taking in porn, is learning all you do is take what you want (sexually), and for the most part, your "partner" likes it, even if they say no at first.

Best wishes to your friend Star, much strength and understanding as well, it's great she has a friend like you there to help her thru.

Michelle

[This message has been edited by Michelle_loves_Mike (05-27-2005 07:59 AM).]

timothysangel1973
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since 12-03-2001
Posts 1749
Never close enough


23 posted 05-27-2005 11:58 AM       View Profile for timothysangel1973   Email timothysangel1973   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit timothysangel1973's Home Page   View IP for timothysangel1973

Thanks for the well wishes Michelle.  Let me add too, the one thing that I have learned through the reading that she and I have done is this:  For the most part, children that do this it is sexually linked, anotherwords... for them it is learning the body and what makes them feel good.  It is mostly experimentation.  

When an adult does it, the studies show that most of the time it aint even about sex, its about control and power over another person.  

And ya know, kids are gonna try things, that is how they learn, just as we did.  I mean shoot I was playing spin the bottle at 12 with the neighbor kid, and he felt my non-exsistant boobs.  Was he molesting me? (he was 14) No, we were just playing a game that had our parents known about we would have had to rename it dodge the bottle cause they woulda been throwing it at us.

I do not in any way condone what this young man done to Star's kids, I just know that after looking into it, it happens in 6 out of 10 households where families mix.  And it happens 2 in ten households where the siblings are naturally related.

Those are scary numbers considering how many divorced couples there are out there with kids that re-marry other divorcees with kids either older or younger than there own.

I remember taking sex-education in school and everyone freaking out about it then, hell they should have been teaching us how to fend off these monsters.  And, I think that our kids know more than we give them credit for, and we should bring it back into schools and teach these kids what is over the line behaviour so that if it does happen to them, they wont keep it in for years on end.

These offenders need to be singled out and cut off from normal society.  Cause, it makes me mad as hell to hear someone that has come out of jail for this crime and say

"I have done my time, now let me be."  

What about the people that they hurt.  There time lives in there mind, and there ability to trust another human being ever again.  For the victom, it isn't a sentence of a few months, or years.  There sentence lasts a lifetime.

Thanks again, for letting me rant !!

I may hate myself in the morning - but I'm gonna love you tonight
-Lee Ann Womack

LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 06-19-2003
Posts 13093
SE PA


24 posted 05-31-2005 01:35 PM       View Profile for LeeJ   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LeeJ

TS...thanks so much for the story, this family sounds really strong and understanding...though, I was watching a TV program a few months ago about the same identical subject, and hate to be a profit of doom here, but do you think it wise to place this boy back into the temptation?

It frightens me?

I've heard that victims go from one extreme to the other, and that is, they either become sexual preditors, or they become completely afraid of the opposite sex, ultimately...celebate?

well, I can tell you I'm neither...except for my solitude now,,,,meaning, before, I decided to not date again....it's out of fear...desire to remain who I am...I am way to old to compromise my identity.  OH, believe me, I've tried dating, but after making such terrible choices in my past, meaning, men who were very insecure, not even able to be true to themselves, let alone, true to someone else....wull, afterwards made me really wonder if there were any single men out there who were compatible...?  I don't believe there are.

Secondly, it angers me beyond belief, to think of a child being used like that, having their innocence taken away...what angers me the most is the fact that preditors know, a child can't and won't fight back....and that is what mostly bothers me.  To this day, it tears me apart to see the underdog being picked on, clicks so to speak or trend followers who look down on someone else b/c of their cloths, financial status, etc.  Or someone larger picking on someone smaller.  

But never have I wanted to hurt someone else the way I've been hurt and used, or wanted to get even.  Suppose I can attribute a lot of my inner success to a wonderful woman who took me under her wing when I was five and surgated me up until this day.  My old fashioned beliefs are in tact, yes.  

And perhaps the only scars are this...
Upon dating a man...I don't want him to touch me or try to kiss me until I get to know him and feel comfortable.  If they do, I won't see them again, and if they become persistent, then to be quit honest, one guy went home singing suprano, as he wouldn't take no for an answer.  

I'm not questioning my beliefs....but I feel these old fashioned ideas came from my surrogate mother...she was much older and from the depression era, and so naieve that today, I'm thankful we lived in a small town, as she always was rather child like.  
So, my morals are not out of hate for men...

Actually I rather enjoy men, the stories they have to tell, but before I give up the only thing I have to give...I want to make sure, I can trust him with my heart....meaning, even if we never become lifetime companions, we can remain friends in respect and complete trust for one another.  

And one other thing...that I don't understand...I've learned the hard way, that most men, don't want to be friends...they think friends means sleeping with the woman?  What is that?  Why is that?
I mean, one of my bestest friends who I've known since 7th grade, told me, Lee J. remember, no matter who your dating, don't tell him you and I are friends.  He and I have had this platonic relationship all these years, and we're really close.  I love it...we could never be anything other then that.....now, when he told me that, I just couldn't comprehend, and remembered as a child growing up, when ever someone wanted more, it deeply hurt me?  Still does...Why?  

Thanks to you all for your wonderful responses, your faith, sharing, caring, emails and much much more, your honesty.

Hugs
Lee J.
 
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