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Passions in Poetry

This might be misplaced but...

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Kaoru
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since 06-07-2003
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where the wild flowers grow


0 posted 05-17-2004 04:56 AM       View Profile for Kaoru   Email Kaoru   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kaoru


I am partially frustrated by it..

I know, I'm pregnant.. I'm also really young to be as such. This may just be my hormonal rampage...

The other day I was told by a man that I was stupid, and that I'd be a horrible mother. I can't say that I didn't feel upset by it, even though I should've just blown it off, like I do most things..

It's just something that runs through my mind all the time, whether or not I'll be a good mom. I know that chances are, I will. I may be young, but I'm not an idiot, or lacking in adoration and love, especially for my kin.

Then, I think, maybe I'm just not a good enough personality to be able to fill someone's life with happiness. I'm not the most cheery person in the world.. I'm silly, and mostly weird.. but a lot of the time I'm just sullen or quiet.
How could that make any child happy?

There are so many pros and cons to this.. I am plauged by the thoughts, good and bad. I am worried about miniscule things and things that I can't even comprehend. I wonder if I'm not just immature and unprepared...but I also already love this child with all of my heart..

Sometimes I get excited, thinking about all the things I can share with him/her..all the good times we will have..other times I worry about my age, and how that will play a part in my parenthood.

I am angry at the people that look down upon me because of my age.. it makes me worry that it's really a huge factor, when it really may not be at all. It makes me think too much about this when I already worry enough.

But, this is just a rant, a worthless little rant.
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


1 posted 05-17-2004 07:14 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

When we give thought to anything, it should never, even by the thinker, be considered worthless.

I was 18 when I married.  20 when I became pregnant.  I am not sure of your age, Meghan, but you are within that range by a year or two?  Between your age and, oh, say, 23, a woman feels very much as you do.

Older people know what you are giving up, to hold on to this child.  They feel a personal frustration that they think you have thrown many opportunities away.  I know from where I speak, as my youngest daughter began having children nine months after she married at the age of 18, and is now the mother of three, at age 25.  Her step-father continues to say "you've really tied yourself down - you could have done so much more."  Her normal, cheery nature takes offense, and we're off to the races.

Giving life is the "more".  Being a good mother, care-giver, provider, is all proof of love, as well.  Someday you may wish that you had started motherhood a little later in life.  But on these blue pages, I have not seen you come in and rant at "what was done" to you; or any suggestion of "what am I going to do about this?"  You've come in with a very mature attitude, acceptance, and a whole lot of love for this new life.

It may take oh, about 25 years, but someday that person who was so rude to you may someday shake this child's hand as that young person takes life by the reins and faces challenges head on.  Just like his/her mother.  

[This message has been edited by Sunshine (05-17-2004 09:14 AM).]

Dee
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since 08-19-2000
Posts 2361
Queensland, Australia


2 posted 05-17-2004 08:24 AM       View Profile for Dee   Email Dee   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dee

Kaoru

When I was 17 I fell pregnant to a man I was with only a short time. I was scared and felt I was alone as I was living a long way from my family at the time. I had also found out that I was epileptic. That scared the hell out of me. I didn't know if I would cope with a baby as well. But I did.

Then when I took her to the doctor for a check up when she was a few months old, he had some "wonderful" news for me. I was 2 months pregnant again. I burst into tears from the shock.

Having 2 kids under 1 was even scarier but somehow I managed. And so will you. You seem to have the strength and maturity it takes to make it through. And it sounds like you have a loving family to help.

Try not to let people get to you. Enjoy what is happening to your body and the knowledge of what is going to be a wonderful lifetime relationship with your beautiful child.

By the way, my girls have turned out to be independant, intellegent, beautiful women of whom I am very proud. One of them is a member here (Bec).

One bit of advice I will give you... everyone thinks they know what you should and shouldn't do. They don't. Find a good baby nurse that you get along with and talk to her if you want to know something.

I hope all goes well for you.

Dee

Stand straight and tall, not the reflection as others see you, but as you truely are.        Clearwater

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 11-18-2002
Posts 7451
the ass-end of space


3 posted 05-17-2004 10:13 AM       View Profile for Aenimal   Email Aenimal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Aenimal

Considering that you're actually concerned about what kind of mother you'll make rather than simply worrying about yourself, the fact that you are empathetic and concerned about the world your bringing a child into, and the support of a cool and understanding mom of your own, I'd say you'll do well. Prepared? No one is truly prepared the fist time around, you'll learn along with your child
Christopher
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Member Rara Avis
since 08-02-99
Posts 9130
Purgatorial Incarceration


4 posted 05-17-2004 12:38 PM       View Profile for Christopher   Email Christopher   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Christopher

for once, i agree with Aenimal; that you're concerned portends well for alleviation of same.

though i've yet to walk that road (still a few months away), from looking around, one does the best they can. there's no magical potion that makes people good parents. there's also no magical age. though biased a bit, i think my mom did a great job, for all that she had me at just a few days over 17 years old.

then again, there are plenty of people who have children at older ages who most definitely should have used protection... a lot of protection.
RSWells
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since 06-17-2001
Posts 2607


5 posted 05-17-2004 12:54 PM       View Profile for RSWells   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for RSWells

That was an unkind and unwarranted thing for that "man" to say. I doubt you said anything to deserve it.

As far as being a good mother, I have no doubt you will be fine. The love between a mother and child are automatic. You will be so comfortable in the role you won't even give it a second's thought.
Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 12-27-2002
Posts 8464
Florida


6 posted 05-17-2004 12:58 PM       View Profile for Susan Caldwell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Susan Caldwell

Meg~

I was 24 and had 3 children, 20 when I had the first one.  That was almost 20 yrs ago..

I made my mistakes as we all do..but my kids are doing okay..we learned some things together and sometimes I actually taught them!     

As long as you love your child and always consider what you are doing and how it will affect them...you will be good.  

And you know why I know you will be a wonderful Mom?  Because I have read you and you feel..really feel life.  

Don't listen to the ignorance of others...

muted
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since 01-15-2004
Posts 3021
Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving


7 posted 05-17-2004 01:42 PM       View Profile for muted   Email muted   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for muted

those who judge others are mearly reflecting their own faults and fear of failure.

growth isnt always a slow process, it can happen in a blink of eye....you will rise to the occassion, not just because you have to, but because you really want to..because you already feel your connection.

Worry all you want, cry all you can....but youre going to suprise yourself soon

Kaoru
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since 06-07-2003
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where the wild flowers grow


8 posted 05-17-2004 02:37 PM       View Profile for Kaoru   Email Kaoru   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kaoru

I'm trying to grasp onto some words of thanks to you all..

There's something to be said of people who do care, and are there to make one feel more comfortable...

I am enternally grateful for you all.. The things you've said here prove to me that I am not alone in this.. I feel better knowing that..

I'm not sure how else to express my gratitude.. Other than to say thank you..

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 11-18-2002
Posts 7451
the ass-end of space


9 posted 05-17-2004 06:30 PM       View Profile for Aenimal   Email Aenimal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Aenimal

well thank you chris, i can finally sleep at night now..


Megs, I hear Raphael is a good name for a kid..grins
Ringo
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since 02-20-2003
Posts 3696
Saluting with misty eyes


10 posted 05-17-2004 07:14 PM       View Profile for Ringo   Email Ringo   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ringo

I was 27 when I married a ready-made family, and 28 when my first was born.. and I still didn't know if I was going to be a godd father. My son is 15 and my daughter is 10, and I am still concerned as to if I am a good father.
Relax. The fact that you are concerned shows that you are already a step ahead of those who KNOW they will be great at it.
As for that yutz who made the idiotic statement???? I have read your writing... you are nowhere near the same city as stupid.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again...
http://www.cmlb.net/ringo

Neeraja
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since 06-22-2002
Posts 832
The Netherlands


11 posted 05-18-2004 04:19 PM       View Profile for Neeraja   Email Neeraja   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Neeraja

Dear Kaoru, I had my children young and I never had any regrets... nor do they! Now they have moved out and I am still young. I can't say it was always easy but I think it's the same when you are older and start a family, love is the key... and I think you have plenty of that!!!

LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 06-19-2003
Posts 13093
SE PA


12 posted 05-19-2004 01:14 PM       View Profile for LeeJ   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LeeJ

Dear Meg
Birthing my son was one of the absolute most miracles in my life.  Secondly, being a mother comes naturally, and is an elegant extension of who you are now.  You will grow and learn with your child, which in itself is another clever substantial plan.  Children are people to, with smaller hearts but with smiles that will melt your heart.  I taught Sunday School and was a youth group advisor, so that I do could be involved in my son's curriculum, rather then just drop him off.  

Our home was the place all his friends came to, what a marvelous experience it was...growing up with them.  We all went fishing, camping, school sports, amuzement parks, movies, played all kinds of games...took them on educational field trips (though they didn't know it) horseback riding, ice hockey...boy Meg, it was exceptionally rewarding.  

Good luck to you  
Savage Quiescence
Member
since 07-29-2002
Posts 328
Wandering


13 posted 05-19-2004 02:14 PM       View Profile for Savage Quiescence   Email Savage Quiescence   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Savage Quiescence

Dearest Kaoru,

    Fear is the thief of dreams. You will be as good of a mother as you set your mind to. My mother was barely seventeen when she had my older brother, and although she didn't get the chance to raise him (his father ran off and made false accusations, long story), she has turned out to be the most wonderful mother I could ever hope for. Being young has its obvious downsides, but behind the clouds lies a rainbow. You will still be young and energetic as your child grows up, and will have the capacity to get down and play with him/her. When he/she is old enough to move out, you will still be young enough to go out and enjoy life and its freedoms. Try to look at the brightside and don't take other people so seriously. Remember, those who dance are considered insane by those who don't hear the music.
A Romantic Heart
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since 09-03-99
Posts 5497
Forever In Your Heart


14 posted 05-19-2004 03:13 PM       View Profile for A Romantic Heart   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for A Romantic Heart

First of all I want to say, I admire your decision to bring this life into the world.

You have already shown great maturity by sacrificing your body, your time, your future for your son or daughter.

Enjoy every minute of you pregnancy, you will miss feeling the baby kick inside of you, and when you go to deliver, You will cry at seeing such a miracle of life.

It is so awesome to see a part of you so tiny and to know you carried that baby, you gave it life...a chance to live. This is one of the most memorable times of your life, enjoy it to the fullest.

Don't worry about being a great mom, as long as you have love, unconditional love, you won't be selfish and you will always think of your child first. I can see that you are already that way.

Just follow your heart...give to your child what you wanted as a child..give lots of love, hugs, kisses....and what ever you put in that little heart...is what reward you get back someday....

If you want your child to love you..teach it love...give it love..if you want it to respect you..teach it respect...etc.Let them be their own person..not a copy of you or to fullfill your dreams that you never got to do...I didn't stereotype my sons...I allowed them to be free in their thinking and choices. One thing I so despise..is that men should be raised a certain way...etc. That is bull! Men need to cry..men need to be taught as boys how to be loving and kind, how to cook..etc.How to show emotion and talk about their feelings...Just because my boys were male..didn't mean they had to play with guns and be macho...besides I am against guns in my home...and I never have let them play with toy guns..I feel it promotes violence.(some choices are limited, because you are the parent, the wiser, but just like kids, no child is perfect, no parent is perfect either.)

Books and advice from friends( You will know whatis good advice, what is not) helped me alot..but mostly I followed my intuition, my heart..just like any other relationship..you will know what to do and create that bond.

But unlike any relationship..the love from your child is so depending and trusting, you are their role model. The innocence and love is so rewarding...you will feel so loved, unlike love you have ever known.

I have two sons..I had one at the age of 23..the other at the age of 25. Just by natural love, my sons around the age of 3 or 4 would go out into the yard and pick flowers for me and come inside , hug me and tell me that they love me....that made EVERYTHING worth it...The first time you hear "Mommy, I Love You"...WOW! and when they throw their little arms around you....when they want bedtime stories and for you to sleep with them...so many rewards that money can't buy!

There are going to be bad days too...as with life...you have good and bad days...but love will make you strong enough to cope...life is about balance and change..adjusting to that change...

We are always changing, and it is how we adapt and adjust to cope with that change...each stage of a childs life is rewarding and challenging....but that is what makes life..life..exciting and new.You are LIVING A LIFE.

Love is the key...money..don't worry, money can't buy happiness...Teach your child to love himself and to love others....love the world.

You will be a great mom...I know your feelings are very sensitive at this time...just be strong and let what people say go through one ear and out the other.

You are giving life...giving love...and you are special and beautiful!

One last thing, I may add, you are going to come into a big change, and after your child is born, you will see the world even more differently, you will notice more and you are more sensitive to things around you, things you never had seen or noticed before..it changes your perspective about life..and you become more mature...children help you to put everything into focus.
Love and Hugs
~ARH


Open your eyes, open your mind, open your heart, let me come in and show you love.....~ARH
 
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