Saluting with misty eyes
My parents weren't divorced, however, my wife and I are in the process of one. Sometimes it gets messy, most times it's just let's get this over with.
While I cannot speak for her, I do not ever talk badly about her in front of the kids (When they aren't around, however...). I do not think that she does, or if she does it is very infrequently. My daughter still runs up and gives me a hug every time I go to pick her up, and my son and I are closer, and more like friends than ever before (although he still knows that I am in charge).
The point behind my rambling is that EVERY divorce, split, whatever is a completely different set of situations, and is handled slightly different by the different people.
My recommendation to you is to get rid of all the anger and mis-trust. It is doing you and everyone else absolutely no good, and is, in fact, doing you damage.
It's not going to be easy, however the results will be worth all of the effort. I did it for my own reasons, and- although I really wouldn't want to go through the required digging again- I would never change the results, and my being almost completely happy for a million dollar recording contract, a hugely successful world tour, and a 10 million dollar publishing contract.
When the morning cries and you don't know why...