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Anger management?

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Alexia
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since 06-07-2001
Posts 626
Sweet And Sassy


0 posted 07-24-2002 04:00 PM       View Profile for Alexia   Email Alexia   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alexia

How are you suppose to control your anger when people keep accusing you of things you didn't do? Today, me and my mom and my sister all got into it. Of course i'm the one that got in trouble for it all. Just b/c my parents thing they can't do anything to my sister because she's 20 years old. But shouldn't they displine her since she still lives at home and doesn't have a job? Expecially since she causes the trouble? Just today, I asked my mom if I could go to my friends house, well of course she said no, just b/c i'm Alexia. Yeah, but if my sister wanted her friend to come over she wouldn't even ask, she'd just do it or tell mom she's leaving like she did last night. Does she get in trouble for it? OF COURSE NOT! Just because she's 20 and still lives at home and doesn't have a job. I swear she's like there favorite child or something. It seems like me and my parents are always arguing over something. It's like a never ending argument. And when I got out by myself, if i'm 15 minutes late i'm grounded or I have to have a good excuse. But unlike my sister, when she's like an hour late, they don't say anything to her. There just like try to be home on time. And this one time I went to a party with my sister, we were suppose to leave at 2am. I only went with her b/c she wanted to get drunk. So my parents were like take Alexia with you and everything .. Well the cops came to the party we didn't end up getting home till like 5am. Guess who got grounded? Yep you guessed it ME. My sister didn't get a damn thing. I was grounded BECAUSE of HER. I'm so sick of it. I want to move out so bad, but you know what I can't because I'm 17. I HATE THIS HOUSE, I HATE MY LIFE. I DONT LIKE MY SISTER, AND I DONT GET ALONG WITH MY PARENTS! I mean yeah I have a brand new car, I get to go shopping all the time. But how am I suppose to go on if I can't get along with my family? I've tryed, and tryed it just never works. I don't know what i'm suppose to do anymore? Fight back? Yeah right i've been doing that for a LONG time and it just gets me in more trouble then when i'm good. When i'm sitting there minding my own business, they always find something that i'm doing wrong, always. Never fails. And I hate it, because my dad judges people BAD, like if some guy I wanted to date had a tongue ring and ear rings ... He wouldn't let me date him just because of that. Because he thinks there bad people. But you know what .. This guy that has two ear rings, and a tongue ring is a really nice guy, he's a virgin and is on his football team at his school. So you know if I want to go out with him, I'd have to hide it from my parents because they would judge him. Isn't that wrong? They don't care who my sister dates. They let her do whatever, but when it comes to me. I can't do anything. I'm so sick of EVERYTHING .. I hate my life so much.
I had to let that all out.

Lexi

[This message has been edited by Alexia (07-24-2002 04:01 PM).]

doreen peri
Member Rara Avis
since 05-25-99
Posts 8028
Virginia


1 posted 07-24-2002 06:19 PM       View Profile for doreen peri   Email doreen peri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for doreen peri

feel better?

you'll be 20 before you can count that far... it'll feel that way anyway

it goes by quick, believe me

sounds like you have a lot of blessings and freedom in your life and parents who care about your best welfare but it's a natural thing to be feeling like you do so don't worry about it... just keep doing what you're doing and letting it out in a healthy manner by writing your feelings down... don't keep them pent up inside but it's also a good idea not to direct your anger toward each other if you can help it

it's hard to rationalize when you are in an emotional state and i say this as a person who has a lot of experience with knowing i can't do it

writing is good... sibling jealousy is natural but as i said, you'll be 20 soon enough and all this will make more sense when you realize that your parents are trying to keep you safe and that the restrictions they put on your flexibility with life are placed there purely out of Love

you are lucky to be so loved... there are some kids your age who have no restrictions placed on them and no direction given and sure, they may be able to go and do whatever they wanna do whenever they wanna do it, but you can bet they don't feel as loved as you are loved....

try taking your stress and putting it to use to do something creative... when you feel jealous of your sister's freedom or angry and stressed, make something out of it

write a short story, keep a journal, cook a meal, excercise, dance, sing, write a song, organize your poetry into a book you can give your friends... if you get to work by using the stress creatively, you'd be surprised how much better you'll feel about how you use your time

i don't know if this helped or not... after all, i have a boy your age who has decided he hates me so i'm not really in a position to offer advice maybe... i'm just a mom who knows what it's like to love my child who is a teenager with all my heart and soul and to feel hated by him... it hurts

i hope you show your mother the love she deserves for caring so much to take care of you so well, even though it's all so hard to understand right now..

thanks for listening

good luck to you
doreen peri
Member Rara Avis
since 05-25-99
Posts 8028
Virginia


2 posted 07-24-2002 06:22 PM       View Profile for doreen peri   Email doreen peri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for doreen peri

oh... and i'm sorry to hear you got grounded for staying out all night when it wasn't your fault..... i do understand what you're saying and i'm sure it's not easy to accept that

next time if you find yourself in a similar situation and you can't get back home in time, why don't you call your mom or dad and ask them to come pick you up and if you don't wanna do that, well, you could bring enough $ along, just in case and take a cab home

just an idea
Alexia
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since 06-07-2001
Posts 626
Sweet And Sassy


3 posted 07-25-2002 06:27 PM       View Profile for Alexia   Email Alexia   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alexia

Well, that happened last year so I'm pretty much over that party thing. And I don't write alot of poetry I just like this place because I can let some of my anger out and get good advice on certain things. Oh and I drove to the party, so I could have left but the cops wouldn't let anyone leave, and I called my parents from my cell phone but then they called me back right when the cop was standing by me talking to me. It really sucked. But thank you for listening to what I had to say and for giving me some advice on what to do.
Thanks again
Alexia

*Love might not make the world go round but it's what makes the ride worth while*

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


4 posted 07-25-2002 06:49 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

That "counting" stuff never worked for me. And keep in mind, that anger management is something I'm still working on. But I look at it this way.

Anger is a not a true emotion. It's a reaction to a deeper level of feeling. Generally, pain or fear. Anger is the body's defense mechanism. So personally? I try to figure out more precisely what I am feeling when I am angry, because it IS a pattern with me.

I can't control the world. I can only control my reaction. funny, usually, if I dig deep enough? I find I am angry about seeing myself in my own face through the actions of others.

There is a little story I learned from a teacher of spirituality once. It is Buddhist in origin. But...sigh,(it's paraphrased, of course) but here goes:

"Consider your emotional world like a glass of water, with sand in it. If the water is cloudy? You could cuss the one who disturbed the sand at the bottom for eternity--you could pray for clarity until kingdom come, but the only thing to do that is actually useful is to remove the sand, grain by grain. That way, should someone come along to shake you up? (smile?) They could shake all day, and your heart and soul would remain pure."
Alicia
Member
since 03-22-2002
Posts 284


5 posted 07-25-2002 07:59 PM       View Profile for Alicia   Email Alicia   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alicia

~Thank you Serenity, although not written for or directed at me,...something I'm glad to have read, will keep that with me. *Peace girls.
Toad
Member
since 06-16-2002
Posts 247


6 posted 07-25-2002 08:01 PM       View Profile for Toad   Email Toad   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Toad


Serenity

Your water and sand analogy is good but doesn’t take into account the queue of people waiting with fists full of sand to muddy your day.

I generally find a smack in the mouth cures most of them.

(My name is Toad and I am an angerholic)
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


7 posted 07-26-2002 12:06 AM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Yep. Edited for the sake of peace.

Go figure.

lol.



(anybody want a daisy?)

*chuckle*

[This message has been edited by serenity (07-26-2002 04:52 AM).]

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


8 posted 07-26-2002 01:56 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Hey, this makes me think of ...
http://piptalk.com/pip/Forum69/HTML/002347.html

Shameless plugman.

(there's yr daisy, sen )

She said burn ... together.
-TON

anya
Member
since 07-27-2002
Posts 397
london england


9 posted 08-07-2002 02:27 PM       View Profile for anya   Email anya   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for anya

hey I am 17 as well and am basically allowed to do whatever i like, believe me when i tell you it isn't all it's cracked up to be, it's like my parents couldn't give a damn, like i could really do with some sign they cared you know, it's like their kids are some secondary thing that sometimes infringes into there existance so freedom reigns in our house, there are no arguments but then again there are no conversations at all, the average time me and my brothers spend with my parents is extremly little, and as for who i date, they could not care less
anya
Alexia
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 06-07-2001
Posts 626
Sweet And Sassy


10 posted 08-08-2002 06:12 PM       View Profile for Alexia   Email Alexia   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alexia

I wish my parents would let me have a little more freedom. Recently I was coming home from my boyfriends house and it was late ya, but we went to the fair and I thought i'd be nice and take him home, because he's my boyfriend right ... Well my gas tank said I have a 1/2 tank but I guess I didn't, because I was out on this deserted road and I was outta gas my cell phone was out of area so it wouldn't work, so there I was sitting in the middle of the road, no one around, no gas .. NOTHIN! We sat there for a good two hours before someone came and stopped and there cell worked and let us call someone, well my sister's friend chris offered to come and get us, but she's like no thats ok and called my parents. I could have killed her for that! Because now i'm sitting at home grounded because I ran outta gas. And they tell me they can't ground her because she's 20. Is that a bunch of B.S or what? I mean she was with me. I wasn't the only one who did it. I swear she lives to get me in trouble. I still say I shouldn't of gotten grounded anyways, because it wasn't my fault I ran out of gas. My gas tank said I had enough gas to get me home. And I told my dad that my gas tank was screwing up and he's like ya right it's all in your head. And didn't believe me. So now he better believe me. But he still grounded me? Is that wrong or what? My parents like my sister better than me. Because she never got into near as much trouble as I do. And she was worse than I am. I don't think my parents trust me really. It's like they still hold something I did 6 years ago against me. I mean, I figured I would have built that trust back up again but I guess I was wrong. I mean what I did wasn't that bad. I mean it's just a curious kid thing. I mean for cryin out loud I was like 12 or 13. It's been a long time ago. My sister has lied to them worse than that and they trust her more. Which is messed up. Her lie was 10 times worse than mine was. But I guess you live, learn and forget. Or you live,learn and move out! ( Like what i'm gonna do) so
peace
Alexia

*Love might not make the world go round but it's what makes the ride worth while*

anya
Member
since 07-27-2002
Posts 397
london england


11 posted 08-09-2002 08:05 AM       View Profile for anya   Email anya   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for anya

you need to realise how lucky you are! I'm sorry if that sounds patronising but at least your parents actually do there job, they are parents, they care, so you can go on about how you want more freedom and you want to move about but you should think what it would be like to have parents who couldn't give a damn, at least you are not expected to move out when you are eighteen, I am, they say that when they were 18 they moved out and it wouldn't be normal if I stayed at home, well as it happens i will be leaving but hey it would be nice to have the option to stay.
My parents may let me stay out all night but its because they are normally too out of it to care or even notice. I mean i can deal with it now but when i was younger i would do things just in the hope that i would get some reaction from them, i could have really done myself some damage, luckly i sorted myself out but i am fed up of people complaining about their parents discipling them, my friends do it all the time. Well I hope one day you can see that parents ground you and stuff because they care and they worry about you, i hope you can sort things out with them, i'm sorry if went off on one a bit here but you seem to have something priceless, parents who care what happen to you
anya
TradingSpaces19
Member
since 08-31-2002
Posts 139
Arvada, Colorado


12 posted 09-21-2002 10:48 PM       View Profile for TradingSpaces19   Email TradingSpaces19   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for TradingSpaces19

I'm sorry about your situation, but You'll be 20 in 3 years and then you can move out. Your parents are over protecting you and they probably didn't do that to your sister when she was 17, but they probably feel like since they didn't then they did something wrong and since you are younger they are going to do that to you. But if you have a younger brother or sister then your parents will get it right with them. But remember if you ever have kids don't be over protective because they won't like it and they will act out and be mad at you like you were mad at your parents. I hope everything works out.

Take Care,
Andrea
Moon Dust
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Member Elite
since 06-11-99
Posts 2250
Skelmersdale, UK


13 posted 09-22-2002 11:29 AM       View Profile for Moon Dust   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Moon Dust

Look at it this way they let your sister do what she wants because your perents are sure she can look after herself and is a bit older. Even if you are able to, they want to be more protective over you because your younger and mistakes they care for you not to make mistakes . My advice would be to show that you are mature and try and comprimise with them.

If your afraid of the dark, then why did you come?

 
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