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Passions in Poetry

Something at Passions angered me today

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rosepetals25
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since 05-31-2000
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0 posted 12-14-2001 05:18 PM       View Profile for rosepetals25   Email rosepetals25   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rosepetals25

I love this place. I have been lucky enough to say everyone that has responded, emailed, or talked to me has been friendly and nice.  Everyone has been polite and wonderful.

However I seen something today that angered me. ALOT. A friend of mine replied to someone's poem (I'm not going to mention names.. although I'm sure some might know) in their normal manner.   A harmless reply showing that they took the time and energy to read the poem.  The reply to their reply... was very rude to say the least.  

First of all, when someone takes to time to read your poem, and to reply to your poem, there is NO reason to be rude.  If you do not approve of the fashion in which the reply was formed.. or something that was said in the reply .. you .. EMAIL them.

That's right... you EMAIL. You DO NOT rudely point it out for everyone else in Passion's to come and view.  That is not fair, it disrespectful, and it is just mean.

If they do not have their email on their profile, or you have no other way to connect that person... isn't that what moderators are for?  If you feel like the problem is big enough to point out in public, the problem has enough concern to contact a Moderator or a Deputy Moderator and get some advice. Hurting some one's feelings is totally uncalled for.

Myabe I am just over reacting because the person who was hurt in this case was someone I know. A very sweet soul who meant no harm.  I'm sorry if I rambled to long.. but I just had to get that off my chest.

[This message has been edited by rosepetals25 (edited 12-14-2001).]

Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


1 posted 12-14-2001 06:53 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

Hi...I've sent you an email about this subject.  

Titia Geertman
Member Ascendant
since 05-07-2001
Posts 5297
Netherlands


2 posted 12-14-2001 08:40 PM       View Profile for Titia Geertman   Email Titia Geertman   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Titia Geertman's Home Page   View IP for Titia Geertman

Oh WOW, don't have time to look at all the replies to look for the one you mentioned here.

But I think I don't need to, for I think that every reply deserves the greatest respect, for it is given in that way.

Please could you send me a mail to see what I'm talking about????

No really, I don't think anyone should disrespect someone's answer to their poem. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

I'm glad Poet Devine is sending you an email,
cause I think written words are sometimes just not taken the way they were ment

Do I make any sense?????
Cause I'm working overtime already for 4 weeks, keeping up to date with home, my sheep and Passions is not a light task.

But I agree with you: we can't go byond othermen's opinion.

You keep up the good work rosepetals25, I think you're a great pal.

Titia
Titia

A rose is a rose is a rose...I guess...
Want to use the pics on my website? Just let me know. http://communities.msn.com/Titiasplace

Shou-Lao
Member
since 10-12-2001
Posts 101


3 posted 12-15-2001 07:08 AM       View Profile for Shou-Lao   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Shou-Lao

Without specific knowledge of what was posted, from both sides, it’s hard to come to any conclusions, there are parts of your post however that seem to offer clues as to why this may have happened.

“A friend of mine replied to someone's poem in their normal manner”


“Their normal manner” seems to suggest that the reply was somehow different to the expected norm, is it possible that the reply could have been misinterpreted or caused offence because of this difference?

“First of all, when someone takes to time to read your poem, and to reply to your poem, there is NO reason to be rude.”

There is no reason either to worry about people being rude, people do it all time, if the reply was an attack on the poet it would have been deleted by a moderator as a breach of the rules. Likewise if a reply to a reply was deemed to be a personal attack it would be removed. Were either removed?
If the first was removed then your friend was in the wrong, if the second the original poster. If neither we can presume that the difference of opinion was a matter to be settled by the parties involved.


“If you do not approve of the fashion in which the reply was formed, or something that was said in the reply you email them.”

As long as the reply is within the rules I don’t see a problem replying in the original thread, in fact the obvious thing to do is exactly that, these forums are based upon the principles of communication. That communication is the method by which such differences of opinion are settled.

“Hurting some one's feelings is totally uncalled for.”

Is this also true if the feelings hurt are those of the original poster?

“Maybe I am just over reacting because the person who was hurt in this case was someone I know.”

Obviously you feel that the only person who suffered hurt feelings was your friend, but if the original poster was angry enough to reply in a “rude” manner doesn’t that suggest their feelings were a little bent too? Your defense of “A very sweet soul who meant no harm” is questionable if that person actually caused harm, whether meaning to or not.

As I said, without specifics it is difficult to form an opinion, reluctance to state those specifics, and without input from the other parties, means that we are left with only your interpretation of what occurred to make judgement by. Hearing one side of a disagreement is a dangerous thing to base an opinion on, drawing conclusions from a third persons interpretation of a disagreement is even more so.


[This message has been edited by Shou-Lao (edited 12-15-2001).]

Irish Rose
Member Patricius
since 04-06-2000
Posts 10553


4 posted 12-15-2001 10:00 AM       View Profile for Irish Rose   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Irish Rose

I saw this thread as I was viewing the topics for today and read it.  Course, I don't know who or what happened and being no moderator, well, all I can say is I'm very careful VERY careful in replying.  

I guess the above words say it all "think before you type"

I do agree that sometimes words are misunderstood and I DO agree they shouldn't be aired out for the entire world to read.

I can honestly say I've only had my feelings hurt blatantly once in a reply, and I went to a moderator in private and it was taken care of.
No one else need know.

Your compassion for this individual - don't evr lose that quality.

Kathleen (Kay)
"When red-haired girls scamper like roses over the rain-green grass, and the sun drips honey."
Laurie Lee

Magnus
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 10-10-2001
Posts 14644
South Carolina, USA


5 posted 12-16-2001 12:18 AM       View Profile for Magnus   Email Magnus   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Magnus

RP25..

I know exactly which thread you are feeling
this way about...

I have had dealings before with the person.

that person never replies kindly to any one
as a pretty normal event for them.

I left another forum because that person
was attacking another poet..did it for
days..  I won't go back...

I love Passions....You and all of the other
poets are most kind...ever gracious...NEVER
a harsh word is spoken...That is what I love
about this forum..

That one individual has a lot of problems
obviously....Sad to see it..  Even more
sad is the poets that have been hurt...

Most sad is that they will never receive
an apology...for the other party (that
attacked the comments given to him)
will never accept the fact that he might
have made a mistake..

I commend you for your strength...

And I will forever respect you as a poet..
and a friend..
Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 08-07-2001
Posts 5716


6 posted 12-16-2001 12:27 AM       View Profile for Duncan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Duncan

Thank you for helping to keep PIP a site we can all feel good about being a part of.
BloomingRose
Member Elite
since 08-09-2000
Posts 3124
Florida


7 posted 12-16-2001 11:22 AM       View Profile for BloomingRose   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for BloomingRose

I agree that rudeness or unkind words is uncalled for. However, as sure as the sun rises and the moon sets, there will always be those that enjoy being crude and rude. They do indeed need help.
Most folks at Passions are very sweet, supportive, and caring.

Deb
rosepetals25
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
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since 05-31-2000
Posts 3404
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8 posted 12-16-2001 07:29 PM       View Profile for rosepetals25   Email rosepetals25   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rosepetals25

Shou-Lao,

The bottom fact about the post I am referring to is it was rude.  That's it. That is all that really needed to be known. I will not name names... that would also be rude and disrespectful.

When I said in their normal manner.. I meant in the same way he always replies to everyone's poems.  He didn't give a reply any different than he always does, which this poet that was rude knows. And I completely respect the fact that the person might not have liked his reply.. BUT.. she could have emailed him to let him know.. NOT publicly embarrase him.

The person who was rude WAS contacted by the moderators after it was brought to their attention.

You say "There is no reason either to worry about people being rude, people do it all the time..."   I DO think that is a reason to worry.  Passions is a wonderful place. Rudeness will only bring it down.. it should not be accepted just because.. hey.. it happens.

I agree that communication is VERY important here.  It is how I am learning to become a better poet. However, that doesn't make it ok to humiliate someone.

And as I said in my original post.. If the person who was rude was bothered that much by it.. email the other person or go to a moderator.. don't do it right in the open and be disrespectful.  

I don't think my defense of my friend being "very sweet soul who meant no harm" is questionable because it is the truth.  He means no harm.  If he did cause harm, as I said before.. EMAIL .. or contact the moderators.. don't do it in public.

I am not asking anyone to take sides or say I'm right. I was simply venting.. stating that I think people should think before they type.  That is the reason I didn't mention the names involved.. it would have been rude and disresptful..something I try to avoid being.  

Passions is based on friendship.. a family enviroment.  If rudeness and disrespectfulness enters.. then this forum will be like others I have seen.. nothing but choas.  I,for one, love this place and would wish NOT to see that happen.
Tara


"My heart is like an open book, for the whole world to read"
     - Motley Crue, Home Sweet Home

[This message has been edited by rosepetals25 (edited 12-16-2001).]

rosepetals25
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since 05-31-2000
Posts 3404
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9 posted 12-16-2001 07:42 PM       View Profile for rosepetals25   Email rosepetals25   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rosepetals25

Irish Rose - That is what it comes down to.. just think. It's that simple.

Magnus - It's a shame you were made to feel that uncomfortable that you felt you had to leave.  Don't leave this one   I'd miss your poetry something awful   It is a shame that apologies aren't given. Some people just realize when they are wrong I suppose.

Duncan - Thank you  

Blooming rose - Yes there will always be rude people.. but we have to let them know that kind of behavior is not accepted here. As I said.. I love the friendy enviroment of these forums

"My heart is like an open book, for the whole world to read"
     - Motley Crue, Home Sweet Home

RosePetal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 08-26-2001
Posts 3414
South Florida


10 posted 12-17-2001 03:05 PM       View Profile for RosePetal   Email RosePetal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for RosePetal

Tara,

Hey, I know EXACTLY which thread you found rude because I found it very rude as well.
No one should be embarrassed like that out in the open. If you need to pick a bone with someone, you should do it in a mature manner and in private! Our sweet friend is lucky to have a friend like you!!
((hugs))
RosePetal

[This message has been edited by RosePetal (edited 12-17-2001).]

hush
Senior Member
since 05-27-2001
Posts 1693
Ohio, USA


11 posted 12-17-2001 04:25 PM       View Profile for hush   Email hush   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for hush

This is actually kind of funny.

"That's right... you EMAIL. You DO NOT rudely point it out for everyone else in Passion's to come and view.  That is not fair, it disrespectful, and it is just mean."

Soo... why aren't you e-mailing the rude person? Instead of pointing it out in front of the whole forum. I knew nothing about this, since I usually don't go into most of the poetry forums except for CA. I personally don't really care.... but by directing attention to the incident, you are just pointing more people in the direction of the incident. I mean, no, you didn't name any names, but there are a couple of people here who obviously know what incident you are talking about... if anyone has a problem about it, why not just e-mail this person... or better yet, let your friend e-mail this person him/herself?

It is THIS kind of thread that allies people into camps of this side and that side.

I realize that since I don't know anything about the situation, I can't really decide how I feel... it might just happen that if I read the thread, I would agree with you. But pointing out in a very public seperate thread set aside just for this purpose how rude it is to address this sort of issue in public... isn't that the same thing?

"we are all citizens of the womb before we subdivide
into shades and sexes- this side, that side" -Ani DiFranco

rosepetals25
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
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since 05-31-2000
Posts 3404
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12 posted 12-17-2001 05:13 PM       View Profile for rosepetals25   Email rosepetals25   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rosepetals25

hush

I don't believe it is the same thing. I did not mention either of their names, or point to the link where this has taken place.  If I would have mentioned names, then I'd be in the wrong.  This post, while revolving this certain incident, is to point out for people to think before they reply. This was just an example of what could happen.  

The main point of the post was that I hate to see people's feelings hurt.  We come here to express our poetry, and take time to read, respond, and learn from others.  I was angry about what happened when I posted this, I will admit. But the message doesn't change.  Just think before you post... how would you feel recieving the reply you just posted?  

I just don't want to see passions turn into the circus free for all I've seen in other forums.

Thank you for commenting.

"My heart is like an open book, for the whole world to read"
     - Motley Crue, Home Sweet Home

[This message has been edited by rosepetals25 (edited 12-17-2001).]

rosepetals25
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since 05-31-2000
Posts 3404
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13 posted 12-17-2001 05:15 PM       View Profile for rosepetals25   Email rosepetals25   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rosepetals25

Joanna - I completely agree   Thank you for reading my venting.

"My heart is like an open book, for the whole world to read"
     - Motley Crue, Home Sweet Home

Irie
Senior Member
since 12-01-1999
Posts 1526
Washington State


14 posted 12-17-2001 06:56 PM       View Profile for Irie   Email Irie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Irie

Obviously this person's life is so miserable that they feel the need to be mean to others.
Somehow this makes them feel better, or so it seems.
One of those that NO ONE elses opinion is right, ONLY theirs!

What's that saying I see everywhere....

Mean People SUCK!
And they certainly didn't get away with it did they?  

Hugs All...........

~Sheri

"The things that come to those that wait may be the things
left by those who got there first"


Mother_Earth
Senior Member
since 11-20-2000
Posts 1387
1/2 year Texas & 1/2 year Mich


15 posted 12-17-2001 10:21 PM       View Profile for Mother_Earth   Email Mother_Earth   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mother_Earth

rosepetals, as you know I have just been going through the rudeness of another.  So many of our fellow poets have helped by telling me about the type of person who hurt my feelings.  It is hard to understand what goes in others minds that they think it is funny or their right to belittle.  Thank God there are few in this place who act that way.  I understand where you are coming from!  Lets hope they get the word.  ME
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