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It makes me so angry I could explode...

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Dark Enchantress
Senior Member
since 07-27-99
Posts 1460
meet Morgana


0 posted 06-21-2001 03:10 PM       View Profile for Dark Enchantress   Email Dark Enchantress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Dark Enchantress's Home Page   View IP for Dark Enchantress

Oke, normally I'm not one to sit and complain about people. I either ignore them or just simply don't care enough to complain. But *this* really bugs me.  

I'm not a parent personally so I know there's A LOT I don't understand and won't understand until I'm a mom. For anyone who is a parent don't take this personally...just hear me out.

I have a history of emotional/mental issues and about a year ago I started burning myself, cutting myself, and taking 8 to 12 pills at one time. Sometimes I'd show up at my classes after taking the pills and just sort of "passing out" on the desk. I realize this is NOT a good thing and I am looking for other ways to get the same effect without hurting myself. My parents know about all this except for the cutting. When I confessed everything to them they freaked out on me and threatened that if I ever did it again they wouldn't let me go see my boyfriend this summer. Umm...my boyfriend was the ONLY reason I had STOPPED for so long. He's the ONLY reason I never did the drugs or anything worse. God only knows what I'm capable of. I know that he shouldn't be the only reason, but in truth he was. So what the hell kind of sense does it make to cut off the one person/thing that helps? And they wonder why I never tell them anything. Whenever I do confess to something (being bisexual, the burning..formerly being suicidal) they get crazy on me. I know it's because they care so much, but it's NOT doing any good. I can't even HINT homosexuality towards my mom or she'll say something like "Thanks just RUIN my day!" When I did tell her the first time she spent an hour degrading me. I have never felt so low, disgusting, shameful, and utterly hateful of myself than that day. GRRRRR!!!! And my dad later told me that just to make it easier for my mother I have to lie about who I am. Umm...you say you love me but I can't be who I am?!?!?! WHAT THE HELL? Yeah sure, you love me as long as I be who YOU want ME to be. God forbid I be myself and be happy! I respect the fact that my mom personally does not like the whole homosexual thing, but she could at least meet me halfway. It's not like I talk about girls a lot or anything like that. She however feels absolutely free to make a comment against me whenever she wants to. Normally I wouldn't care but this is my family for cryin' out freakin' loud! I don't like that I hate them half the time but when they're constantly shunning me what else is there? I'm really not a bad person. But because I'm not like her I'm WRONG. In some ways I know that I'm wrong. Nobody is perfect...but you don't see me endlessly picking at her. You don't see me saying "Ew tuck your tummy in you're getting chubby" or "I don't like your hair like that. It's ugly". And she does it every day! Sometimes I'm afraid to leave my room because of all her judgements! And by the way...nobody BUT my mother has ever said that I looked fat. I wish she'd just let ME be ME! Ugh it makes me soooo ANGRY.  

Sorry, I know this is long...but grrr...that had to come out.


"...if you want love you must be love.."
Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins

Freedom comes when you learn to live unafraid.


[This message has been edited by Dark Enchantress (edited 06-21-2001).]

Dopey Dope
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since 08-30-2000
Posts 15536
San Juan, Puerto Rico


1 posted 06-21-2001 03:25 PM       View Profile for Dopey Dope   Email Dopey Dope   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dopey Dope

I read every word of it and it sounds really tough....*sigh* I don't think I could handle it. You seem like a strong person and even though she judges you , you told you....yer honest.
I think that it's stupid to not let you see yer bf in the summer if you hurt yerself more but it's something they thought was right to do. You being irrational to yourself by hurting yourself, they took an irrational decision as a consequence....
SO be good to yourself and you can see him, right? So just be good  

I mean.....I have no clue what it's like to have parents judge me or anything like that, but I can wish you the best of luck and tell you to try and be strong. You can pull through  
Dark Enchantress
Senior Member
since 07-27-99
Posts 1460
meet Morgana


2 posted 06-21-2001 03:32 PM       View Profile for Dark Enchantress   Email Dark Enchantress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Dark Enchantress's Home Page   View IP for Dark Enchantress

I'm very, very, very, very tempted to show them just how "good" it does to threaten me like that. I'm going to get to see him because once again, I lied and pretended that I'm the next Britney Spears. I should be an actress. I've got all the training I need. But no...I'm not doing all that to myself. When I pull out this (which I am slowly but steadily) it won't be because of their threats or because of their judgements. It'll be because I got myself out. Just like it's always been.

And also because of the people who listened to me and took all my rantings.  

Thanks Dopes.  


"...if you want love you must be love.."
Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins

Freedom comes when you learn to live unafraid.


[This message has been edited by Dark Enchantress (edited 06-21-2001).]

Alicat
Member Elite
since 05-23-99
Posts 4277
Coastal Texas


3 posted 06-21-2001 03:37 PM       View Profile for Alicat   Email Alicat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alicat

Whoa.....good rant. Can't say I understand completely, since I'm not in the situation...just an interloper. It seems, and please keep in mind this is an uninformed guess, that your dad loves your mom very much, and also loves you. He doesn't want you hurt, so advises lying about yourself to your mom to ease the tension and pain you both feel. Doesn't make it right, but that might be the only way he sees of making his own life bearable...for most parents have late-night discussions when the kids aren't around or present.

As for your mom, well, I ain't gonna judge her, nor you, for personal choices and verbal methodologies. I do get the feeling that she abhors your lifestyle based on something in her past. It could be an episode, or upbringing. And this is just a personal observation: The majority of homophobes have inner desires that go against their moral upbringing; since they hate that within, they hate that without. Now, again, I ain't saying your mom is one way or the other, but it might help if you can find out the root, the source of her vexation. Electra complex? Competition? Skelton in the closet? Ultra-conservative parents? Personality conflict? Personal parental blame? Try to find the source.

Unfortunately, there are parent-child relationships that are frankly abysmal, and never improve. I pray that your's isn't one of them.

I do commend you though, for your frankness and honesty. I know how hard it can be to let parents see who you really are.

Pax Poeticus

Alicat
Raven Skye
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since 03-03-2001
Posts 118
.In a House.


4 posted 06-21-2001 04:54 PM       View Profile for Raven Skye   Email Raven Skye   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Raven Skye

I'm right up your alley(forgive the pun).

I used to cut, I used to take a lot of aspirin at a time, I would also take caffeine pills to give me an upper so that I could make it thru the day, I'm also bisexual. My mom found out about my cutting flipped out blamed it on my father. If any bad happens in my life it's always my father's fault. Yes, I do hate my father, because he was never part of my life but the reason why I do those things has nothing to do with him. Half of the time it is because of the stress that is brought on by my mom.

My ex-boyfriend Tom, who is once again my current boyfriend is the reason why I've stopped doing cutting and the pill taking. Tom besides being my boyfriend has been my best friend for 5 years. I love him so much. My mother hates him. She makes me and him break up everytime she finds out me and him are going out. She makes my life a living heck.

There are people out there that relate with you. There is a lot of other stuff in my past that I choose not to bring up in here just because. But if you ever need to talk to me my email address is in my profile thing and feel free to email me at anytime. Just so you can have someone to relate to.

Keep your head up. Things will get better.

*״`.*Raven Skye*״`.*
"Can't explain the way that I feel. You are the love I never found." -Cold

Don't just trust yourself, learn what part

Dark Enchantress
Senior Member
since 07-27-99
Posts 1460
meet Morgana


5 posted 06-21-2001 08:57 PM       View Profile for Dark Enchantress   Email Dark Enchantress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Dark Enchantress's Home Page   View IP for Dark Enchantress

Alicat -> Thanks for replying. I hadn't really thought about it that way. (The part about my father telling me to lie.) I guess it's because of the way he said it. He made it sound like the way I felt and who I am as a person doesn't matter. He made it sound like what matters is being what people want you to be, which I am SO against. For more than just my own personal reasons but for everyone. I think that everyone should know themselves and value themselves BEFORE the opinions and judgements of others. I'm open to changes, but I like who I am. I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I'm not.
She swears up and down that she has never had a thought in her mind related to homosexuality. Personally I think that's a lie because I don't think anyone has ever lived that long without it ever coming to them. Of course I could be wrong. My mom has very high moral standards (which is yet another reason why...my morals are a bit more flexible and she knows it) so I think that what you had mentioned could be true. And I think it could be a good number of the things you listed. lol Oy vey...
Thank you very, very much for your input. I think I understand it better now.

Raven -> It's so nice to see someone who knows. (Not that I don't appreciate anyone else who tries. I truly appreciate you all as well.     ) My mom and dad almost got a divorce about 4 years ago when I was 13 and when they were fighting (it went on that whole year) my mom complained and talked badly about my father all the time. Whenever I defended him without taking sides she'd yell at me and eventually tell me shut up. *sigh* You learn a lot from being observant. Lemme tell ya... So yeah... anyway...
My mom doesn't hate my boyfriend, but I think she knows that it's the only way to hurt me so she threatened me with it. I'm not a very social person so it doesn't matter if you take away the phone. I don't watch tv. I'm on the internet quite a bit but I'm far from being an addict. My music you can take away but I'd still be singing to myself and be just as happy. And if they tell me I'm not allowed to leave the house...well, I don't really leave the house anyway. She knows that Lawrence is a weak spot. So I guess she was just pulling at whatever she could get her hands on. Figuritively speaking.
I guess in one way or another we understand each other. Thanks for the offer. I might take it up sometime.

Hey, forget Joanna (my psychologist). I'll just start talking to you guys. I get more out of you all than I do out of that walking sponge. (Nah, I'll be nice. She's a good person and she tries.) How much do you charge? lol


"...if you want love you must be love.."
Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins

Freedom comes when you learn to live unafraid.

[This message has been edited by Dark Enchantress (edited 06-21-2001).]

Raven Skye
Member
since 03-03-2001
Posts 118
.In a House.


6 posted 06-22-2001 09:29 AM       View Profile for Raven Skye   Email Raven Skye   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Raven Skye

I can def. see where you are coming from...But things will slowly get better. I hope. My friends are always saying, "Time will heal" So GOOD LUCK WITH EVERYTHING!!

*״`.*Raven Skye*״`.*
Don't just trust yourself,
learn what parts of yourself to trust.

SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
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Member Seraphic
since 01-18-2000
Posts 24152
with you


7 posted 06-22-2001 12:42 PM       View Profile for SEA   Email SEA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SEA

DE~ if you want to talk to a mom...who is young enough to remember all the things you are talking about....email me. I know what it's like, I'm not going to put my mom in a negitive light, but oh do I know what you mean. and I think Ali nailed it with your dad.....it must kill him to have his "girls" not getting along. I have LOTS of ideas of how to get that rush and feeling good with out hurting yourself.......or doing drugs good god, don't do drugs! and think about what you are saying "hurting yourself"....it's all there...you are only hurting yourself...no one else......


email me....
hush
Senior Member
since 05-27-2001
Posts 1693
Ohio, USA


8 posted 06-22-2001 01:40 PM       View Profile for hush   Email hush   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for hush

anyone who is only abstaining from self-destruction for another person (i.e., a boyfriend) needs to get their head on straight. I don't mean that to come out as abrasive or derogatory, but seriously. What if you break up? Yeah, I know, you love each other, right, you're not like all the other teenage couples? That idealogy generally crumbles when things go bad, and teenagers being the fickle creatures they are, that happens pretty quickly.

You need to get to the very root of why you cut, burn, and take so many pills (which, once you stop, you will realize how insanely ridiculous it was anyway). Also, I know bisexuality isn't a "problem" but your mom obviously thinks it is- some people can't accept it as anything natural, so your best bet is just don't bring it up around her.... you don't have to hide anything, but bringing it up will probably aggravate things. Anyway, once you've figured out the root of your problems (I know, easier said than done) you should work on fixing that, and not temporarily alleviating the pain in a relationship, because in a way, that's using your boyfriend the same way you would use a drug, and it's unfair to him if he just ends up becoming your safety blanket. (I'm not making accusations, but that's a distinct possibility.)

If the problem is your relationship with your parents, sit down and have a heart to heart. How were things between you guys before all these problems came along?
Oh, and trash the psychologist they just make things worse.

My apologies if any part of this has sounded harsh, but my experiences have led me to believe that this is often just a phase teens go thru- you will regret all the harm you are doing to yourself someday. Right now it may seem somehow glamorous to immerse yourself in decadence, and the anger and pain my seem like an alternative hobby or something- I understand that viewpoint. Just know that there is an entire other side to life, a living side that strives to progress, not regress, and it's wonderful once you've made it out of the rut.

everything's fine.

Ladycat
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since 07-05-99
Posts 809
At the edge and a doorway,TX


9 posted 06-27-2001 11:16 AM       View Profile for Ladycat   Email Ladycat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ladycat's Home Page   View IP for Ladycat

Alright, maybe I can help a little bit.  I know that I can help more than Cat, but he got to see alot of my life played out.  When I was 17, I sat my parents down and told them that I had alot of news that would hurt them, but if they loved me the way that they said that they did they would understand and love me for who I was.  All at once, I told them that I had done drugs, had sex, was bisexual, partyed all the time, hated school with a passion, was rebelling against the world and not them, was raped (told to my mother and not my father though), and that I wished on several occasions that I was dead. None of which had anything to do with them and neither did I have to tell them any of that, but I thought that they of all people would understand.  
I think that is how you have to do it sometimes.  You have to tell them that you have news that is going to be hurtful, and if they loved you that they would stick with you or get you help. I think that sometimes you just have to remind them of the words that they always told you.  One of the other things that my parents always told me was that if I had a problem come to them first and to always be truthful about my life.  Before, I said anything about my life I reminded them of what they told me and told them that I needed them by my side or not I wasn't going to make it though.
Thank God, I had some what more understanding parents than most and we went on with life as normal. Anytime, I needed anything I just called them and to this day, my father has since passed away, but I still call my mother to let her know what is going on in my life.

I just hope that any of the information that I gave you helps you.  
I'll be praying for you.. By the way, I'm a mother of a one year old now, but I hope that when he gets older he reminds me that I always told him that I will always love him and be understanding...
My favorite line from a song from a musical: "Will I lose my dignity? Will someone care? Will I wake tomarrow from this nightmare?" -Rent "Steve"

Take care
Love,
Lady

PS: If you ever need to talk don't hesistate to email me.


Live in my world just once and you'll find yourself enraptured.

[This message has been edited by Ladycat (edited 06-27-2001).]

Dark Enchantress
Senior Member
since 07-27-99
Posts 1460
meet Morgana


10 posted 07-01-2001 12:30 AM       View Profile for Dark Enchantress   Email Dark Enchantress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Dark Enchantress's Home Page   View IP for Dark Enchantress



"...if you want love you must be love.."
Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins

Freedom comes when you learn to live unafraid.

[This message has been edited by Dark Enchantress (edited 07-01-2001).]

Dark Enchantress
Senior Member
since 07-27-99
Posts 1460
meet Morgana


11 posted 07-01-2001 12:51 AM       View Profile for Dark Enchantress   Email Dark Enchantress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Dark Enchantress's Home Page   View IP for Dark Enchantress

Thank you all very much. I know that it's somewhat difficult to help people when you know so little about them. You only know what's been presented to you and what you could pick up between the lines, so I'm appreciative of what you offer. Hush there's a lot of things that you said that I don't agree with mostly because I dislike being stereotyped but it's the thought that counts. It's nice that you even bothered. 10 years down the line when I guess my mentality is worthy I'll come back and we'll talk again. But hey, if I were you I'd probably think that I'm a stupid, bratty teenager too. So it's all good. Anyway, thank you all.  

"...if you want love you must be love.."
Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins

Freedom comes when you learn to live unafraid.

[This message has been edited by Dark Enchantress (edited 07-01-2001).]

White Wolf
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since 09-18-99
Posts 384
Somewhere in the vast wastelan


12 posted 07-08-2001 06:00 AM       View Profile for White Wolf   Email White Wolf   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for White Wolf

My parents are a bit different of a story.  My mom believed and probably still does that to express feelings was to feel sorry for yourself.  My dad is a denial adict.  If he doesn't like it he puts it out of sight and out of mind like it never happened.  They always told me how to live my life but I was stubborn and just desided that what they wanted me to be just didn't matter.  I share this part of my life not as a comparison but just to give what did work for me.  Basicly just be yourself.  If they don't like it well they don't have to live the rest of your life with you, you do.  As for they part about her using your boyfriend against you because she knows it is a sore spot well my suggestion is make it so that he is not a sore spot or at least give the appearance of it.  She can't use what is not there or what she cannot see is there.  One last suggestion would to talk or write to your boyfriend and explain the situation, if you haven't already, to him.  He will be able to help you more than anyone can.  As for using him as a reason or even the only reason to stop hurting yourself is not a bad thing.  Personally I have one link like that that has never failed and often times she has been my only link to keep myself from hurting myself anymore.  It is a good thing that you have something.  Many don't even have that.  I wish you the best and if you wish to hear more about what I have said feel free to email me.  I am here if you ever have need to vent or just need someone to listen.


The White Wolf

If life is just a game, when does it end cause I want to get to what is real.

anonymousfemale
Member Ascendant
since 02-02-2000
Posts 6304
Limbo


13 posted 07-09-2001 11:32 AM       View Profile for anonymousfemale   Email anonymousfemale   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for anonymousfemale

DE, you obviously have a lot of excellent advice in here so I won't add to it. I just hope with all my heart that things do get better for you.
Think of the people that actually do care and understand where you are coming from before you decide to hurt yourself anymore.
Try to keep your head up, OK?

~AF~

Never speak disrespectfully of Society. Only people who can't get into it do that.
~ Oscar Wilde ~

hush
Senior Member
since 05-27-2001
Posts 1693
Ohio, USA


14 posted 07-09-2001 12:56 PM       View Profile for hush   Email hush   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for hush

DE- I'm sorry if I offended you in some way. If I was being sarcastic, it wasn't at you specifically, but at the teenage years as a whole, because all teens go through a period of time where things just suck- the bitter 'I hate my parents I love my boyfriend he's all that matters' era- and I realize you are not a stereotype, and I wasn't trying to stereotype you, but it's something almost every teen goes though, unfailingly, and it wasn't as long ago for me as you seem to think.

I was trying to give you the best advice possible based on my own experiences. If I haven't shared them all with you, it's only because I don't feel that it's important to focus on my past, since your present is what's in question here. I have been through these kinds of problems, and I am simply advising you what the me of today would tell the me of yesterday. Sorry if I made you mad or anything...

everything's fine.

Irie
Senior Member
since 12-01-1999
Posts 1526
Washington State


15 posted 07-09-2001 03:20 PM       View Profile for Irie   Email Irie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Irie

DE, I can remember my parents, mostly my Dad, would get angry and sharp tongued.
It wasn't until later in life that I realized his anger came from being scared and confused.
Some people ( a lot) are just simply unsure of how to handle issues in a healthy manor, I being one of them.
I lash out, then later feel like a jerk.
Almost all parents, myself included, have a dream for their child to be almost perfect.
This is a set up for feeling like a failure and disappointment upon the parents. I for one am already feeling this and my son is only 4. I remember saying things like "My child will NEVER do that or WILL do this"
and guess what, he does or doesn't, ten fold. I set my self up for failure. We strive to be perfect parents, and when we see our child doing things we don't approve of or don't like, we get angry with ourselves, or at least I do, feeling like I've failed. And that makes some of us lash out at our children.
(I hope that made sense)
Parents want to see their children do good in school, be successful, marry the perfect partner, have security and be happy.
Key word here, being happy.
See, what my Dad failed to see was that what made him happy, didn't make me happy.
Being a parent is a very difficult thing.....
And so is being a child. I remember clearly the battles that I had with my parents.
I'm fortunate that today, I'm very close to them, almost best friends.

I'm not taking sides here, but I do understand where you're coming from, and understand your parents actions.
Maybe sitting down and talking with them and sharing your feelings might help. Let them know how deeply this hurts your feelings and you as a person, but at the same time...try to be understanding of where they are coming from. I found that the less a person feels attacked, the better they will listen and be receptive.
Boy, I hope I didn't just make a bunch of babble.
At any rate, the best of luck to you and I hope that you are able to work this out with your family.
Please feel free to email me if you feel the need to talk....yell, or what ever.  

~Sheri

"The things that come to those that wait may be the things
left by those who got there first"


Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 06-15-99
Posts 7276
Mobile, AL


16 posted 07-09-2001 08:19 PM       View Profile for Temptress   Email Temptress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Temptress

I agree with Hush.  
Dark Enchantress
Senior Member
since 07-27-99
Posts 1460
meet Morgana


17 posted 07-21-2001 12:53 AM       View Profile for Dark Enchantress   Email Dark Enchantress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Dark Enchantress's Home Page   View IP for Dark Enchantress

I agree with you all. I just got offended because I don't like being categorized with the girls who spend every waking moment day dreaming about their boyfriends. The ones who plan their weddings and their children's names when they're 15. And of course...assuming that it's going to be him. I understand why some people do that, but it's not me. I have a horrible temper so I just jumped the gun. You know? Sorry about that. You're a very honest and realistic person, Hush. I admire that in a person. So it's all good.  

Thank you all. I appreciate your thoughts.


Be kind, be true, be bold, be you.

Freedom comes when you learn to live unafraid.

[This message has been edited by Dark Enchantress (edited 07-21-2001).]

Interloper
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Member Rara Avis
since 11-06-2000
Posts 8628
Deep in the heart


18 posted 07-21-2001 12:13 PM       View Profile for Interloper   Email Interloper   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Interloper

DE ~ I have read all of the foregoing with great interest and sadness.  I see all of the advice and people wishing to God and praying for you.

You said "God forbid I be myself and be happy!"  

Have you asked God for help?  Do you read the bible?  Do you go to church?  Are you a Christian?

You may or may not like the above questions.  I can only tell you that the only "complete" help will come from God.

Now, with regard to your psychiatrist, it always helps to have a "professional" listen.  We have all given you advice ... some very good advice.  We are all here to listen to you and help as much as we can.

Not all parents have their stuff together just like not all children have their stuff together.  There is no "owner's manual" that comes with the child when you become a parent.  When you become a parent you, basically, do the best you can based upon what you liked about what your parents did and change, or do differently, what your parents did that you didn't like.

DE, the first thing you must do is forgive your parents their mistakes.  I know that will be VERY hard to do ... but it is an absolute must.  Notice I didn't say "forget" what happened, I said "forgive" them for their errors in judgement about you and whatever else you feel they have done to "wrong" you.

Then, you must forgive yourself.  You must forgive yourself for all the "bad" thoughts you've had about your parents, acquaintances, and any others ... and, MOST IMPORTANTLY, you must forgive yourself for  the "bad" thoughts you've had about yourself.

You must learn that, on a scale of 0-10, with zero meaning you are worthless and 10 meaning you are wonderful ... you ARE a 10!

You are a unique creation of God and God don't make no trash.

By the way, do you know why God created man?
.........
Because She has a sense of humor.

Love yourself and others cannot help but love you.


[This message has been edited by Interloper (edited 07-23-2001).]

StarrGazer
Senior Member
since 03-05-2000
Posts 696
Texas


19 posted 07-21-2001 04:55 PM       View Profile for StarrGazer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for StarrGazer

Hi DE,

As was said before, you have a lot of great advice in here already, and a lot of people who care here at passions...

I'll offer a little of my advice both as a former suicidal rebellious misunderstood teen, and what I've learned as a parent...

     Parents are not perfect, we don't always deal with situations as we should, a lot of the times our emotions jump in and stir us way off the course we should take.  Parents make a lot of mistakes, and it is basically learn as you go we don't get an instruction book and some times we mess up royally!  When I tried to talk to my parents they always heard what they wanted to hear and not what I was saying... they gave out punishments that didn't fit the crimes commited and at 15 I moved out and did not talk to my parents for years... there was too much discord and conflict I blamed them for making mistakes, and they knew they made mistakes, but their pride or some other force kept them from admitting it to themselves or to me. 4 years later, after becoming a mommy I tried to renew bonds with them and we have developed a relationship, which is not as close as I would dream of or as supportive, but I now understand them a little better being a parent myself.

     Sometimes, parents do not know how to help their child and this angers them or upsets them.  I think this may be the case when you told your parents about your behavior (cutting yourself etc) They were suddenly aware of a problem and it scared them and they didnt know how to deal with it so in return their reaction was to get angry and upset because they as a parent felt helpless and that was reflected as anger and upset at you.  

     It is hard for both parents and children, parents have to realize that sometimes what their children do or why they do it is unable to be controlled by them, and children have to realize that their parents are not perfect, that they make mistakes but that they wouldn't get upset etc if they didn't care.  

     Sorry for the rambling, hope this makes some sense to you I was trying to write objectively but the teenager in me is saying nooo thats not how I felt when my parents did that and the parent in me is saying nooooo i didnt mean for you to percieve things that way and I'm just lost in the middle for once being able to see both sides

    Maybe all that needs to be done is to sit down and have a talk with your parents with out any accusations on either side and just tell each other how you feel?



rwood
Member Elite
since 02-29-2000
Posts 3797
Tennessee


20 posted 07-21-2001 05:13 PM       View Profile for rwood   Email rwood   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rwood

Hello! I must say that your post and this topic has been a lesson for me. I have a 16 year old son and a 13 year old daughter. I hope that they find happiness in who they are. I hope that I help them reach that goal. I love them both with every ounce of my being. But I do see a pattern here. The ability to let them be theirselves. I was taught by the best. My parents..and I thank God for them. They never tried to rule my thinking, or fix me, or rescue me. They let me be me. So I never wanted to harm myself or hurt anyone. And if I did, I paid the price and stood up and took responsibility for it. I love myself. And thru this I am able to love my children ten fold. I am so sorry you have been hurt, and that you have hurt yourself. Please don't do it in anger at your parents. Parents make horrible mistakes too. Maybe....just a thought...Your Mom berates and belittles you...because she certainly dislikes herself. And secretly she is cutting her own heart out because of pain or insecurity that she harbors. Which doesn't make it right by any means. But I would certainly be tearing my heart out of my chest if I hurt, either verbally or physically, my daughter. She is part of the fiber in my soul. And my son as well. There is nothing they could tell me that would make me cast them away. Thank you for an eye opening and heartfelt lesson in listening and "To each his Own". Personally I love individuallity and hold it close and sacred. I strongly dislike cookie cutter people, who are fake and shallow. I'm sure your parents will one day appreciate the unique person that you are. They may even try to take the credit. Which, we should be gracious for our care and upbringing. But only you will be acredited for who you turn out to be! And God does help jump start that idea. If you believe. If not, you are still you! Even the darkest secrets have been done before. And Sea is right. Find things that trip your trigger beside those that scar or make your brain cells rot. Please care where others will always fall short...about yourself. Thanks  
Rwood

[This message has been edited by rwood (edited 07-21-2001).]

scandelousrie
New Member
since 07-21-2001
Posts 1
under a rock


21 posted 07-21-2001 10:08 PM       View Profile for scandelousrie   Email scandelousrie   Edit/Delete Message      Click to visit scandelousrie's Home Page   View IP for scandelousrie

I*m sorry bout everything..parents can be tough..yeah they do love you, but they don*t always do the right things..I used to hurt myself too and my now boyfriend is the one who made me stop..and if you boyfriend is the only reason you stop then it is pretty dumb if the don*t let you see him..

i want to be a butterfly cuz nobody suspects the butterfly..

Dark Enchantress
Senior Member
since 07-27-99
Posts 1460
meet Morgana


22 posted 07-24-2001 06:24 PM       View Profile for Dark Enchantress   Email Dark Enchantress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Dark Enchantress's Home Page   View IP for Dark Enchantress

Well to answer your questions...no I'm not Christian. I used to be. I have read quite a bit of the Bible. It's hard to forgive my parents when one night I'll have a talk with my mom and we talked about everything calmly...we let everything out...and I think "Well now maybe it'll be easier and better for us all" and then maybe a day or two later she's doing the things that I told her hurt me. Your mom calls your a slut or a *****...a ***** regularly...she says "Well you could try being human for once" and doesn't see anything wrong with it and won't take any responsibility for it and I'm supposed to just forgive her? Like I said... many times I've tried so, so hard to help... and she just disregards anything I have to say. She just mocks me and says "Well excuse me for not being perfect like you." I'm not perfect...I know that. I'm not trying to seem perfect. I just want to help. Or she'll say "You're only 16 what the hell do you know?". Oke..and when you're trying to help repair a relationship it doesn't help if both parties aren't working at it. I'll admit that I've been part of them problem before... but when your mom always yells at you...or your dad pushes you into a wall and chokes you...do you really want to talk to them? Do you really want to say something that you know will set them off. Even if it's the truth and it's something they NEED to know...would you want to? I HATE being afraid of my dad. I HATE being degraded by my mom. How do you forgive something that you know will happen again? I mean I know parents aren't perfect and there's no instructions on how to be a parent...it's a trial and error kind of thing... but isn't there a point when common sense kicks in? When you can tell that something isn't quite right. Even if you realize it later. Wouldn't it be good to at least say something?

Anywho, thanks you guys. I know I've said it a lot before but I really do appreciate the time and thought you put into your replies. I think that I'm going to try and talk to them... but I'll just have to be careful about how I do it. Maybe in a public place or something. lol Nah I'm kidding...I guess.

Be kind, be true, be bold, be you.

Freedom comes when you learn to live unafraid.

DarkAngelOfTheStars
Senior Member
since 04-21-2001
Posts 804


23 posted 08-15-2001 02:40 AM       View Profile for DarkAngelOfTheStars   Email DarkAngelOfTheStars   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for DarkAngelOfTheStars

oh my.....do i know how you feel. I know im a little late but yeah i dont care   I also cut and burn. I have a lot of respect for you because you actually had the guts to tell your parents everything you told them even with the fear of rejection. I could never tell my parents. Your parents shouldnt make you feel so bad or criticize the things you are doing. They should see that there is something wrong that is making you cut and burn and saying *dont do this or you cant do this* is not going to help anything only make things worse because they are totally advoiding the whole point. yeah ok thats my thought for the day if you ever want to talk my aim sn is PowderPuffGirl2k or OoFaLLeNXAnGelxX hope to see ya around  

You know you 've completely descended into madness when the matter of shampoo has ascended to philosophical heights

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