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Open Poetry #19
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Sunshine
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since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

0 posted 2002-04-04 09:24 PM



Not Quite Dunn

It was apparently barely audible unless
you were listening
with fingertips

feeling a move of words as if blind,
leaning your fingers a little closer to his lips
just to hear better with
your heart

he heightened commonplace things
and made concrete fly.

He stood tall among the SRO crowd,
middle aged women playing at adolescence
again, sitting on floors with crossed legs,
staring at ceilings
as if a rock star had come in to awe them back
to how they might some day
be a star
if they could just

write!

He gave the answer easily, as if pulling
off his shoes and settling back
into his Laz-E-Boy with a Sherry of thought,
words of import slipping past most ears
but pin-pricking mine into
attention…

you don’t write the poem…

it writes you…

until its birthed, bathed and powdered…
it writes you

defining who you are,

until you blink in recognition

realizing you are Not    Quite    Dunn.


Inspired by Pulitzer Prize Winner Stephen Dunn, 2001
©Karilea Rilling Jungel
4 April 2002



© Copyright 2002 Karilea Rilling Jungel - All Rights Reserved
Martie
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since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
1 posted 2002-04-04 09:42 PM


Karilea

You are inspired!

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
2 posted 2002-04-04 09:47 PM


"You don't write the poem.
It writes you."
Sure seems this way Sunshine...James

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
3 posted 2002-04-04 10:06 PM


YOU are amazing!!  Love this!  Hugs.

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
dancing with you in the summer rain~

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

4 posted 2002-04-04 11:09 PM


Wow...this is great...your work's getting more and more post modern...

He stood tall among the SRO crowd,
middle aged women playing at adolescence
again, sitting on floors with crossed legs,
staring at ceilings
as if a rock star had come in to awe them back
to how they might some day
be a star
if they could just

write!

Love that...my only criticism Kari..the two adverbs in the very first line:

It was apparently barely audible unless...

the two words ending in ly together are a bit awkward, personally I think 'apparently' is unnecessary for the poem...

Hugs you

K


[This message has been edited by Severn (04-04-2002 11:10 PM).]

Balladeer
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since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
5 posted 2002-04-04 11:17 PM


your words make me come un-Dunn with their richness. Inspiration looks good on you, Sunshine
Greeneyes
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind
6 posted 2002-04-04 11:37 PM


I am never "dunn" writing, I ramble too much, but my words are a release...this is a keeper for me, so I may enjoy time and time agin these words...


Lauren~

Step through the
barrier of my mind,
enter my soul,
feel my desire,
let my eyes guide you
into the shadows of my heart

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