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The Look
| Open Poetry #19 |
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The Look |
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Seek Up New Member
since 2002-02-19
Posts 3 |
Never have I felt so cared for and loved then when you gave me that look Like a book I could read your eyes With just one look you told me everything would be all right Lost in that moment I knew our hearts always be in accord Your eyes were the gateway to your soul left open Your soul gently whispered that it would always be there for me It would always accept me You would always accept me I would greatly appreciate any advise you could give me on this poem as peotry is new to me. The poem feels like its just missing something to it but I can't figure out what. I can't get it to totally portray my feelings. |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Hi..it's always hard to know exactly what to say isn't it? I use a Thesaurus ALL the time. Lost in that moment I knew our hearts always be in accord try to find a 'softer word for accord That's pretty much all I have to say!! Any poem that comes from you heart is a good poem. If you want to become a poet, then I think you should post a poem in Critical Analysis and ask for their assistance. You can also try out the Workshop!!! Just keep writing and posting - that's what's important. You improve each time you write. And keep reading....... |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
  (sigh) I can understand how you feel, sweet friend, but I also agree with Sharon, I feel as long as we are honest in what we write, it is always wonderful and genuine and your words are a delight to us all! (sigh) I have no suggestionsw on this piece because I think it is gorgeous but I know if you go to the forum Sharon mentioned, you will find more help! We all love you so much, sweet friend, this is excellent! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet friend, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton |
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