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Jaime Fradera
Senior Member

since 2000-11-25

Posts 843
Where no tyranny is tolerable

0 posted 2002-03-24 05:11 AM

1:

I am at the indoor pool.
Some are at poolside,
And some are in the water.
There is background music playing.
I am walking carefully,
Slowly feel my way
Along the edge,
Looking for the shallow end.
I call out to the music:
Can someone please tell me
Which is the deep or shallow end? ...
But no one hears or pays attention.
I am on my own.

2:

I come to a ladder
and guess it is the shallow end.
But as I step into the water
hold on to the ladder
Till I'm sure.
And the water
Rises to my neck.
I begin to splash and play
In pure delight
And ecstatic primal pleasure
Only known to me in dreams.
Holding to the edge,
I "swim"
To where a group of people wade.
Then some one tries
To RRRIP my hand
Off of the edge,
(NO! Don't touch that.)
Just as I knew
The high school PE teacher would.
Terrified,
And holding to the edge
For all dear life,
I "swim" back into the shallow,
Where I am safe again.

3:

It is time to leave.
I go into the dressing room
But can not find my locker.
I touch, I open one at random,
And as I reach inside,
It stings savagely,
With crackling,
Angry, hissing sparks
Of live, high-voltage current.
(NO! Don't touch that.)
I open another locker,
But it belongs to Ricky
Who, it seems,
Is now an engineer
And tells me, in technospeek,
That he teaches people
How to do their space inspections.

(NO! Don't touch that.)

Jumpin a jeep,
Jaime

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

1 posted 2002-03-24 07:29 AM

Wow, jaime! You have some very heavy metaphors here..being unable to distinguish between the deep and shallow water, looking for the safety that touching bottom with your head still above water brings, the fear and frustration of having others trying to pry your hands from the safety of holding on....you may write it from a sightless person's perspective but it holds just as true for everyone....excellent writing here, sir..

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

2 posted 2002-03-24 07:39 AM

Jaime,
Prepare your back for another slap. Excellent writing. I second what Balladeer wrote.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

3 posted 2002-03-24 08:13 AM

You have two of Passions' best telling you what an awesome job you did with this, Jaime, and so all I can say is, that I agree with both of them! So while they're being good buddies and slapping you on the back, get ready for a hug from me! So glad to have you back with us!

Victoria

Member Ascendant

since 2000-08-12

Posts 5869

4 posted 2002-03-24 09:57 AM

Very interesting read from you indeed..truly enjoyed Jamie..looking forward to reading more from you..

~Victoria

"If music be the food of love, play on." (William Shakespeare)

ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-02-22

Posts 9353
Michigan, USA

5 posted 2002-03-24 10:09 AM

Ecstatic! ThisDiamond

Tracey
Member Elite

since 2001-08-29

Posts 2808
where insanity meets breeding

6 posted 2002-03-24 11:43 AM

Wow. Strong imagery in this one Jaime. I too can only echo what Balladeer said. It seems that being sightless, allows you to see the world more clearly. We often look for the shallow end, but, inadvertently find ourselves in the deep end, and struggle just to breathe. Great writing.

If she who dies with the most toys wins, then can I have some toy boys please?

Dulcinea
Senior Member

since 2001-07-22

Posts 774
IN

7 posted 2002-03-24 11:48 AM

It seems that wading around in the deep and shallow ends are the only way any of us learn and grow...hope you got that Jeep running...Purely delightful read!

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

8 posted 2002-03-24 11:50 AM

BRAVO!!! Oh Jaime, I agree with everyone else, the metaphors here are wonderful, how you compare the shallow ground to the deep ground and how wwr all may take a dive into the deep end every now and then and we must train ourselves to keep afloat and just set sail to the shallow end and to do that is rewarding! (big hugggssssss) This is wonderful, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Jaime, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

strbbux
Member Elite

since 2001-12-19

Posts 3859

9 posted 2002-03-24 11:50 AM

Wow this is most awesome,you truly did well on this jamie. floria

Floria

"Alas for those that never sing,
But die with all their music in them"
(Oliver Wendell Holmes)

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

10 posted 2002-03-24 12:29 PM

To say this is purely delightful is an understatement. See ya in the deep end.

Marsha

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-10

Posts 7423
Maidstone Kent England

11 posted 2002-03-24 03:48 PM

Jamie darling boy now this is one of your utter utter best, I love it. YOU have such a fabulous talent and in this you portray it to pure perfection.
Outstanding writing as always you show how well you can write I love the way you show us what you see. Full of metaphors truly wonderful

Love and warm stuff
As always
Mushy

To give light to them that sit in darkness..... to guide our feet into the way of peace Luke 2:79

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