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Sunrise On the Bay : An Evolution
| Open Poetry #19 |
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Sunrise On the Bay : An Evolution |
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
1 Orange red glowing sky, Boats sail under Key Bridge span, Wives home sleeping on, Memories of the predawn Fisherman kiss goodbye. As a thought expands, the poem expands, giving more flavor with the adding of a few words 2 With new orange red glowing sky, Boats sail under Key Bridge span, Out into the Chesapeake. Morning coffee scent waifs by, Family home sleeping on, Day across the city sneaks, Waking wives rub sleepy eyes With memories of predawn Fisherman kiss goodbye Leaving a smile for her day. With more words, more structure can be made, more expression of greater emotions. The places can grow 3 With morning’s new orange red glowing sky, Fishing boats sail under the Key Bridge span, In dimness out into the Chesapeake, The brewing morning coffee scent waifs by Filling the home where family sleeps on As day’s sunlight across the city sneaks, Shining in wakes wives rubbing sleepy eyes With dreamlike memories of the predawn When her fisherman gently kissed goodbye Leaving a lingering smile for her day To pass to children she sends on their way, Dishes washed and laundry put into piles, She listens to songs where memories play, Times of her youthful deeds that brings back smiles, When two went sailing the Chesapeake Bay. Gloom Just another word play, for another Day |
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| © Copyright 2002 Aszard Drazlom - All Rights Reserved | |||
Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
interesting... and something I have played with in reverse many times...though not sharing the results.. you can build or take away..changing the feel and possibly the menaing of the poem depending on what is added or subtracted... nicely done.and all versions a pleasure to read. |
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
Thank you, Cpat hair, Glad you enjoyed my word play of today. Perhaps I’ll do one in reverse, Taking an old poem and condensing it. Gloom |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
  (smiles) Ooohhhhhhh...this is sooooooo breathtakingly beautiful, sweet friend, I just love how you always express yourself in various poetic forms, I could feel as though I was standing off a pier on the shores of Chesapeake Bay in the spring! (big hugggssssss) We all love you so much, sweet friend, this is dazzling! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Aszard, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shie upon you! Love, Noah Eaton |
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Silver Streak Member Elite
since 2002-01-02
Posts 3625FL, USA |
Nicely done, Gloom. I enjoy skillful writhing using dynamic word structuress to convey thought flows. I also like to use stages like birth, early growth, maturation, aging, decreasing vitality and death. Well done, my friend! ((Gloom)) -newell Sharing God's Love through perfectlovepoetry.com Copyright: 2002 Newell Elsworth Usher [This message has been edited by Silver Streak (03-07-2002 08:53 AM).] |
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strbbux Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859 |
YES all three are lovely but I do like the expansion of the poem, more words, coloring it so to speak, Makes it more meaningful and more beautiful. Great lesson Prof. thanks. floria Floria |
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
Thank you, Mistletoe Angel, Glad you enjoyed, I like to go down to the docks Sit and watch the bay, it’s very relaxing. Thank you, Silver Streak Pleased you enjoy my meager skill in this wordplay. Thank you, strbbux, Glad you enjoyed, At times it’s hard to know when I’ve told enough to get the message across to the reader. Gloom |
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