navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #19 » I wish it was snowing
Open Poetry #19
Post A Reply Post New Topic I wish it was snowing Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
jellybeans
Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298


0 posted 2002-03-05 02:19 PM


…and I tried to explain to the officer
that my coffee tasted like tears
and that it was overfull
but the sound of eighty five
miles an hour
kept him from hearing me and then
as if I were a danger
to someone else or me-he followed  
like that would stop what is
killing me
and my family
every one who counts
and everyone I love
and for that matter, every single person in this
****ed up world and not everyone can fit on that narrow path to heaven, don’t you know
and so who is chosen to walk
and who is not
and am I one of the not’s
is all this aching
and searching
doing one bit of good and when I am
alone and all of my insides
are on the outside
my wails worrying the evidence
of the sinner in me-
is there anyone who hears….people are staring again…I wish it were snowing-
the snowflakes would
take their eyes
off of me
and you know when I look into his eyes
and decline his invitations…sometimes I ask…if he were six inches taller
would I be crying right now
would my wedding ring
come unglued - in his arms, would I be less
or more of me
would I finally smile…oh
and back to that narrow pathway thing
I was talking about…if I was ever on it
I think I am over the edge right now and is that a snowflake…I wish it were snowing
so I could not look
at me

© Copyright 2002 jellybeans - All Rights Reserved
Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

1 posted 2002-03-05 02:35 PM


Ok.... where to start...

this is a very pwoerful and personal write...one I am not sure I am qualified to comment on other than to say it packs a punch...and it carried me through several readings searching for more...


suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
2 posted 2002-03-05 04:19 PM


Well... I know if I try to scold you for sneaking this on and not letting me know it's here you'll just tell me it's an old one so that doesn't count. *S* But it does. *S*

But you don't play fair... you distract me from working up a good head of scolding steam with words that demand attention... which covers, by the way, just about anything you write. *S*

My memory isn't good enough to know if this is a revision... but even a blonde couldn't forget those first few lines... or the pain that spills out faster than coffee at 85 mph.

all of my insides
are on the outside
......
I think I am over the edge right now and is that a snowflake…I wish it were snowing
so I could not look
at me

Oh, geesh, lady... I do love your descriptive powers... excellent write!

strbbux
Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859

3 posted 2002-03-05 04:31 PM


This is so so powerful and heartwrenching, and I love your words but I am sad for you. And what a wonderful idea, snow covering us up so no one could see us. Very creative. My friend, the path is not the answer, There is no way to be good and get to God. Just ask. thats all. take care. lovely write. floria

Floria

"Alas for those that never sing,
But die with all their music in them"
(Oliver Wendell Holmes)

Mistletoe Angel
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
4 posted 2002-03-05 04:37 PM




(BIG HUGGGSSSSSSS) This is sooooo very sd, sweet friend, my heart goes out to you and your sorrow! (sad sigh) I too have feelings like this all the time, but I know deep down as long as we ask for His invitation, He will come and He will guide us always with this love that will always shine! We all love you so much, sweet friend, God Bless You, my thoughts are always with you! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Jellybeans, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #19 » I wish it was snowing

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary