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Open Poetry #19
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strbbux
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since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859


0 posted 2002-03-03 09:25 AM


This is late, was supposed to be for that gorgeous Feb moon, but I have had the flu, so better late than never......
February Moon

The stirring of my heart this night,
From February's last moonlight.
With hints of gold and orange red.
Its mystery on this night is spread.

An extraordinary glowing moon.
That whispers a sweet mystic tune.
As ice and snow reflect its light.
More mirrored than a summer night.

A symbol of all lovers dreams.
Reflected in their eyes with gleams.
Of magic love held deep inside.
Where mounting ecstasies reside.

Floria

[This message has been edited by strbbux (03-03-2002 09:25 AM).]

© Copyright 2002 Floria Kelderhouse - All Rights Reserved
Seymour Tabin
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since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
1 posted 2002-03-03 09:32 AM


Floria,
A lovely write, Now we need one for march.

Enchantress
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since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
2 posted 2002-03-03 09:40 AM


Beautiful Floria!
Hope you're feeling better.
~Hugs, Nancy~

~Time has cast a spell on you,
So that you won't ever forget me.~

Magnus
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since 2001-10-10
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South Carolina, USA
3 posted 2002-03-03 09:44 AM


Imagine how you would write if you were
well...OH my....I think this is superb..
nicely done Floria...

strbbux
Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859

4 posted 2002-03-03 09:55 AM


HEh Heh, keeping my quill busy are you, Thanks seymour, floria

Floria

"Alas for those that never sing,
But die with all their music in them"
(Oliver Wendell Holmes)

[This message has been edited by strbbux (03-03-2002 09:56 AM).]

strbbux
Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859

5 posted 2002-03-03 09:57 AM


Thank you much Nancy, this horrid flu just hangs on and on. thanks much, floria

Floria

"Alas for those that never sing,
But die with all their music in them"
(Oliver Wendell Holmes)

strbbux
Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859

6 posted 2002-03-03 09:57 AM


Magnus dear man, Now why did I know you would like this? you are truly a romantic. thank you much. floria

Floria

"Alas for those that never sing,
But die with all their music in them"
(Oliver Wendell Holmes)

vandana
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7 posted 2002-03-03 10:13 AM


enjoyed
VAS
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since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
8 posted 2002-03-03 10:47 AM


This is a very lovely piece Floria, great flow and wonderful rhyme. A superb sense of peace and even a caressing feel to it.

This line, however, seems a bit forced:

"Reflected in their eyes with gleams."

One thing I thought of was:
Reflected in their eyes a-gleam.

Which, unfortunately is still forced and uses assonance rather than exact rhyme. So it's not much help. Anyway, this piece is just too beautiful not to attempt a solution for that one line. Maybe it will take tweaking the line above it, too, so a different word can be used to rhyme. I wish you well in seeking a way, if you feel any agreement with my suggestion. Again, I truly enjoyed reading this one. February's moon, its full moon that closed the month was gorgeous, wasn't it!

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

strbbux
Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859

9 posted 2002-03-03 11:29 AM


VAS how very clever you are, that is certainly a forced rhyme and line, as I struggled with it over and over. I will have to work on that, your suggestion sounds good. better than mine, You are clever, that is exactly what happend I got stumped there, perhaps I could just change the word gleam and come up with something better. I do thank you kindly for your help. floria
What do you think of this VAS?


A symbol of all lovers dreaming.
Reflected love, in their eyes gleaming.
Of magical feelings held deep inside.
Where mounting ecstasies reside.


Floria

"Alas for those that never sing,
But die with all their music in them"
(Oliver Wendell Holmes)

[This message has been edited by strbbux (03-03-2002 11:38 AM).]

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549
By the Seaside
10 posted 2002-03-03 11:51 AM


You've captured the moment in the moonlight
quite nicely.
I enjoyed the feelings and the vivid colors in this.
It's always good to read you floria~

Janet Marie
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since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

11 posted 2002-03-03 11:53 AM


The stirring of my heart this night,
From February's last moonlight.
With hints of gold and orange red.
Its mystery on this night is spread.
=====================

that moon left a lasting impress on us all....beautiful imagery.
hope you feel better soon.
jm

Martie
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since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
12 posted 2002-03-03 12:10 PM


Floria

It was lovely, wasn't it?  You wrote it well!

Mistletoe Angel
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Portland, Oregon
13 posted 2002-03-03 12:16 PM




(smiles) Awwwwwwww, this is soooooo beautiful, sweet friend, I understand how you've felt lately but it is never too late to celebrate the beauty of Lady Luna! (kiss on cheek) We all love you so much, sweet friend, this is breathtaking! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Floria, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

strbbux
Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859

14 posted 2002-03-03 12:35 PM


Martie thank you, and yes. it was lovely,lots of quills were working that night. floria

Floria

"Alas for those that never sing,
But die with all their music in them"
(Oliver Wendell Holmes)

strbbux
Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859

15 posted 2002-03-03 12:36 PM


Thank you Vandana for always stopping by and reading my poems. floria

Blues thank you much, I am happy you got the feeling of this. floria

Janet, Yes, it was magical wasn't it. floria

Noah dear. thank you so much and I loved your lady luna. floria

Floria

"Alas for those that never sing,
But die with all their music in them"
(Oliver Wendell Holmes)

GenXer
Senior Member
since 2001-12-15
Posts 583
USA
16 posted 2002-03-03 04:42 PM


Floria - I am glad you posted this now instead of waiting until next February to do so.  This was very nice, and I like the revision of the last stanza as well.

Dave

Marsha
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since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423
Maidstone Kent England
17 posted 2002-03-03 05:02 PM


Floria darling girl are you still not well? I hope darling heart that you’ll be well soon. This is a stunningly good poem darling the moon inspired a lot of writing definitely. Your writing is always superb, in this its excellent, the revision is wonderful too.

Utterly utterly wonderful writing, and I love it, well done


Love and warm stuff
As always
Mushy

To give light to them that sit in darkness..... to guide our feet into the way of peace Luke 2:79


VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
18 posted 2002-03-03 05:37 PM


I like your change a lot, floria. Now it gives me this thought:

Reflected love leaves their eyes gleaming
OR
Reflected love has their eyes gleaming


Now, do you want a period at the end of each line? Some lines seem to be continued from the line above giving the balance of the sentence.
I'm so happy you appreciated my thoughts/suggestions. Your poem is so beautiful.

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

[This message has been edited by VAS (03-03-2002 05:37 PM).]

Madame Chipmunk
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since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296
Michigan
19 posted 2002-03-03 05:42 PM


This is beautiful, Floria...are you going to write one for each month of the year?
I'm glad you're feeling better.

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled"  Gwendolyn Brooks

strbbux
Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859

20 posted 2002-03-03 06:31 PM



Dave thank you very much. Oh I don't think I could have waited till next Feb.LOL floria

Marsha dear thank you always for your flowing words.Yes I am feeling better, thank you for asking dear.. floria

VAS yes I always will accept critique and now about those darn periods. I do think I am haunted and they show up there by themselves.. LOL,,,I will take care of it right away....thank you so much. floria


Lyra, thank you, uhmmm well lets see, 12 months a year, that can't be too difficult. LOL floria

Floria

"Alas for those that never sing,
But die with all their music in them"
(Oliver Wendell Holmes)

Greeneyes
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In Your Poetic Mind
21 posted 2002-03-04 11:05 AM


Floria~

And what a lovely sight it was....a beauty my friend... HUGS ou are feeling better right??? I ahve had that flu, no fun....be well


Lauren~

Greeneyes~

Step through the
barrier of my mind,
enter my soul,
feel my desire,
let my eyes guide you
into the shadows
of my heart

strbbux
Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859

22 posted 2002-03-04 11:38 AM


Thanks Lauren for you kind words, and yes thank you I am feeling a bit better but it will not go away. thanks dear. floria

Floria

"Alas for those that never sing,
But die with all their music in them"
(Oliver Wendell Holmes)

JamesMichael
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since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
23 posted 2002-03-05 10:44 PM


This is very nice Floria...James
Pilgrimage
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since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945
Texas, USA
24 posted 2002-03-05 11:22 PM


Dear floria,
I really enjoyed this.  If you want to fix the line, just put a semicolon on the line above, and put in: reflected in their eyes, it gleams. You keep the same meter and rhyme. I loved the picture you painted here. I'm a pushover for moons and things.

Nan

Victoria
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25 posted 2002-03-06 10:44 AM


Hope you feel better...love the moon..no matter what month it is ha..very lovely hon hugs

               ~Vic

                

"Mistakes are the portals of discovery."
-- James Joyce


strbbux
Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859

26 posted 2002-03-06 10:46 AM


Thank you James for stopping by and replying, floria

Pilgrimage, thanks so much, I see where that would work. I have used the semicolon much in a lot of work but it escaped me in this one. So thanks much. floria

Floria

"Alas for those that never sing,
But die with all their music in them"
(Oliver Wendell Holmes)

strbbux
Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859

27 posted 2002-03-06 11:24 AM


Thank you James very much for your kindness. floria

Pilgrimage i thank you,yes that certainly would work better and keep the meter, I very often use the semi colon but I did not think of it in this instance, and I thank you much for your help and your reply, floria

now i answered this quite a while ago and it didnt show up, hope I am not posting twice but I must respond to my friends and not pass them up which is so easy to do when the board moves fast. floria

Floria

"Alas for those that never sing,
But die with all their music in them"
(Oliver Wendell Holmes)

strbbux
Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859

28 posted 2002-03-06 11:28 AM


Thank you Victoria for always stopping by and reading and replying, floria

Floria

"Alas for those that never sing,
But die with all their music in them"
(Oliver Wendell Holmes)

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