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Open Poetry #19
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Seymour Tabin
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since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

0 posted 2002-03-03 07:44 AM


Coral Dreams

In coral of southern oceans
Swims our butterflies of notions.
In crystal clear with kilts of flair
They play among the coral there.

In enigma they lift and fly
With sun and moon as you and I
And tenderly they wave their fins
Like butterflies gossamer thins.

Both true and fancy do they dance
Within the wiles of dreamers chance
Both dreamers and the kilted fish
All flow within a filtered wish.

It’s more than butterflies that show
It’s more than dreams that really flow
It’s you and I within the mist
It’s really phantoms that insist.

So butterfly or coral fish
It is the mind that makes the wish.


[This message has been edited by Seymour Tabin (03-03-2002 03:05 PM).]

© Copyright 2002 Seymour Tabin - All Rights Reserved
Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
1 posted 2002-03-03 07:56 AM


Oh, what a lovely piece Sy ... whimsical and flowing ... beautiful imagery! Very much enjoyed!

Best wishes,
/Kit

Sunshine
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since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
2 posted 2002-03-03 08:01 AM



Wish away! For I've received my smile, and join the others...

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
3 posted 2002-03-03 09:16 AM


Kit,
Thank you,

Sunshine,
Your smile is a ray of sun.

Magnus
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since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA
4 posted 2002-03-03 09:26 AM


Sy...very nice and appropriate...never had
compared some of the ocean's fish to our
winged friends...but they are so much alike.

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
5 posted 2002-03-03 09:27 AM


Magnus,
Yes they are, thank you.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

6 posted 2002-03-03 09:32 AM


Both true and fancy do they dance
Within the wiles of dreamers chance
Both dreamers and the kilted fish
All flow within a filtered wish.

It's more then butterflies that show
It's more then dreams that really flow
It's you and I within the mist
It's really phantoms that insist.

So butterfly or coral fish
It is the mind that makes the wish.
======================================
Oh I would be remiss ...
If I couldnt grant thee, thy every wish
So consider this a dreamer's kiss
I'm sending you the bliss of the butterfly fish.














*winkiewinkie*


strbbux
Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859

7 posted 2002-03-03 09:37 AM


Wow you did a superb job on this one seymour. a lovely poem. floria

Floria

"Alas for those that never sing,
But die with all their music in them"
(Oliver Wendell Holmes)

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
8 posted 2002-03-03 09:45 AM


JM,
I'll have to run out and get a larger aquarium. On second thought I'll send Randy.
And I'll take the kiss for the wish.
Winkiewinkie Randy stinky.

Floria,
Thank you sweet.

Marsha
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423
Maidstone Kent England
9 posted 2002-03-03 10:03 AM


Seymour darling boy Oh WOW when YOU write you really write, this is utterly utterly fabulous. This is so incredibly right I love it love it love it.

This carried me away darling boy, utterly utterly fabulous writing YOU are indeed a writer. Thank you for the delight of this one


Love and warm stuff
As always
Mushy

To give light to them that sit in darkness..... to guide our feet into the way of peace Luke 2:79


vandana
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since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463
USA
10 posted 2002-03-03 10:07 AM


enjoyed
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
11 posted 2002-03-03 10:10 AM


Mushy,
Thank you

Vandana,
Thank you.

ecrivan
Member Elite
since 2001-12-10
Posts 3923
my own state
12 posted 2002-03-03 10:25 AM


reminds of the days I kept tropical fish in an acquarium..the alliteration at all flow within a filtered wish is dandy too..neat poem

[This message has been edited by ecrivan (03-03-2002 10:29 AM).]

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
13 posted 2002-03-03 10:34 AM


Ecriven,
Thank you for the neat.

VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
14 posted 2002-03-03 11:00 AM


Seymour, this has such a lovely, rhythmic feel to it. It's like a waltz, I think.

I do think the 1st stanza needs a little tweaking. I love the word "gossamer" but twice in the same stanza tends to weaken the introduction to your lovely poem. Also, in the following stanza, I believe you want 'than' rather than 'then.'
In my opinion, this is too lovely a piece not to work out those small things. Enjoyed your poem a great deal.

"It’s more then butterflies that show
It’s more then dreams that really flow
It’s you and I within the mist
It’s really phantoms that insist."

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549
By the Seaside
15 posted 2002-03-03 11:26 AM


I liked this so much, especially the last two lines.  
It seems the water just sparkles and a person can see
the reefs changing colors beneath it.  Beautiful images~

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
16 posted 2002-03-03 12:27 PM


Sy

You write an aquarium of color and delight!

Mistletoe Angel
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Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
17 posted 2002-03-03 01:17 PM




(smiles) Awwwwwwww, this is sooooooo breathtaking, sweet friend, your gorgeous words are always an aquarium of magic and love! (big hugggsssssss) We all love you so much, sweet friend, may we dive under the sea in our dreams and find the pearls of joy and happiness! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Seymour, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
18 posted 2002-03-03 03:00 PM


VAS,
I'll work on the corrections, thanks.

Blues,
Thank you dear.

Martie,


Noah,
Thank you my friend.

Madame Chipmunk
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296
Michigan
19 posted 2002-03-03 10:18 PM


Oh what imaginitive imagery, Sy!

Beautifully done!  

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled"  Gwendolyn Brooks

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
20 posted 2002-03-04 07:33 AM


Madame C,
Thank you

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
21 posted 2002-03-05 10:40 PM


Like this Seymour....James
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
22 posted 2002-03-06 08:08 AM


Thank you James.
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