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strbbux
Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859


0 posted 2002-03-01 10:42 AM



The Odd Pair


Looking through photographs of old,
edges worn and turning brown.
I see a little girl with dark hair
and large brown eyes.
I know her,
She is me.
Next to her is a tall handsome man
with raven black hair, slicked back.
He is so handsome
with olive skin and dark eyes.
He is dressed meticulously.
The little girl is in old clothes,
not dirty, but worn, and she has
no shoes and no socks on her little feet.
Her dark hair is tousled.
I notice his shiny black shoes,
they look new.
What an odd pair they are.
Do they belong together?
She is me.
He is my dad.
The man who sired me.
A stranger.
This must have been one of
the few time he came home and
stayed for a while.
Now that he is gone,
and I am married,
with a family of my own,
I look at this picture,
And I get chills.
I don't know him.
I never knew him.
And I begin to cry for that man.
That man that I desperately wanted to know.
I don't ever recall his arms around me.
Or a kiss, or a hug.
When he did come home, occasionally,
there were always big fights,
aruments, screaming,I hated it.
Loud angry words, and I always wished
that he would leave again.
It was quiet when he was gone.
We had no food, but it was quiet.
He grew old, and I grew up.
In his later years he had cancer.
And I cared for him, I was the one who
drove him to the doctor.
Today I look at the picture of the man
and the little girl.
That terribly handsome man,
and that little girl.
They just don't fit.
They don't seem to go together.
They are an odd pair.
He passed away.
I wonder where he is now.
I wonder if he ever felt remorse
for the neglect.
I forgive him.
But I am sorry
that I was his daughter.


Floria

[This message has been edited by strbbux (03-01-2002 01:08 PM).]

© Copyright 2002 Floria Kelderhouse - All Rights Reserved
Marsha
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423
Maidstone Kent England
1 posted 2002-03-01 10:53 AM


Floria darling girl oh how heart wrenching and sad is this poem of yours, and how clearly you’ve written it. Our children are our delight, our future and our link to a kind of immortality. How sad that he lost his chance to know you for the wonderful and delight that you are and must have always been.  

This is a fabulous poem darling girl absolutely fabulous, well done

Absolutely first class writing


Love and warm stuff
As always
Mushy


To give light to them that sit in darkness..... to guide our feet into the way of peace Luke 2:79


Madame Chipmunk
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296
Michigan
2 posted 2002-03-01 11:00 AM


((Big hugggssssss)) are in order for you, Floria...  This is so sad!
How wonderful of you to take care of him like that when he became ill, after all of the years of his mistreatment of you.
Bless you!

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled"  Gwendolyn Brooks

Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455

3 posted 2002-03-01 11:05 AM


It was quiet when he was gone.
We had no food, but it was quiet.

I understand this write...completely, Floria.

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
4 posted 2002-03-01 11:18 AM


Floria~

'I look at this picture,
And I get chills.
I don't know him.
I never knew him.
And I begin to cry for that man.
That man that I desperately wanted to know.
I don't ever recall his arms around me.
Or a kiss, or a hug.'


Sometimes the memories just ache ...
Sending *hugs* in the hope that they comfort~
Love you~
*Hugs*
~*Marge*~


~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
         noles1@totcon.com                    

strbbux
Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859

5 posted 2002-03-01 11:19 AM


Thank you dear Marsha , you are always full of kind words. floria

Lyra, thank you so much, these things are difficult to write but it seems they must come out in order to heal. And as far as caring for him, He was my father, and when I stand before God, I want to have done my best. thanks dear heart. floria

Duncan, I almost took those lines out. But went back and put them back, because they are truth. thank you. floria

Floria

"Alas for those that never sing,
But die with all their music in them"
(Oliver Wendell Holmes)

strbbux
Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859

6 posted 2002-03-01 11:22 AM


Thank you dear Marsha , you are always full of kind words. floria

Lyra, thank you so much, these things are difficult to write but it seems they must come out in order to heal. And as far as caring for him, He was my father, and when I stand before God, I want to have done my best. thanks dear heart. floria

Duncan, I almost took those lines out. But went back and put them back, because they are truth. thank you. floria

Floria

"Alas for those that never sing,
But die with all their music in them"
(Oliver Wendell Holmes)

strbbux
Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859

7 posted 2002-03-01 11:26 AM


Marge thank you dear. I would love to go back in time and have him really be my dad. He was handsome as a movie star, and my mom is beautiful to this day. But he was not father material. thank you so much for your kind words. floria

Floria

"Alas for those that never sing,
But die with all their music in them"
(Oliver Wendell Holmes)

RSWells
Member Elite
since 2001-06-17
Posts 2533

8 posted 2002-03-01 12:36 PM


This is heartrendering but I understand. You were probably better off without him and he was better off in the end with you, and I'm certain of his regret.
strbbux
Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859

9 posted 2002-03-01 12:55 PM


Thank RS, there are lessons to be learned in this lifetime, and I suppose I have learned mine and he has learned his. thank you so much for your kind words. floria

Floria

"Alas for those that never sing,
But die with all their music in them"
(Oliver Wendell Holmes)

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
10 posted 2002-03-01 01:12 PM


Floria--It is heartbreaking how we can live so long with someone we don't know, or don't want to know.  This broke my heart.  Old photo trips do the same thing to me.  You write your heart with this one.
Nightshade
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962
just out of reach
11 posted 2002-03-01 01:19 PM


Floria - you are not that little girl - you are a beautiful, caring, woman and poet! We care for you as family should. Wonderful write dear lady. Chris

Life is not measured by breaths you take, but by moments that take your breath away.

strbbux
Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859

12 posted 2002-03-01 01:24 PM


Martie, thank you, yes I did write my heart with this, I was viewing old photos and wrote exactly what I felt. and thank you much for your kindness. floria

Thank you Nightshade, perhaps it made me what I am today, and thank  you so much for your kindness. floria

Floria

"Alas for those that never sing,
But die with all their music in them"
(Oliver Wendell Holmes)

Mistletoe Angel
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
13 posted 2002-03-01 03:01 PM




(tears fall down my cheeks) Oh my gosh, this is soooooo heartbreaking, sweet friend, you are a true angel and I am so sorry he mistreated you and hurt you like that before but I know deep down he will truly always love you, for you are the one who brought him to the hospital because of your loving angelic heart! (wipes tears) Never change who you are, sweet friend, we all love you so much, just as I know deep down he will always guide you with his love and forgive you for his misunderstandinbg of you before! We all love you so so much, sweet friend, God Bless You! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Floria, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

Magnus
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA
14 posted 2002-03-01 03:06 PM


This is touching...putting it mildly....

My father was very much to himself a lot
as I grew up...I often wondered what were
his thoughts....Made me wonder if he loved
me at times...because he seldom spoke...

It took me 40 years of my life to finally
start figuring him out...and I found a
man that I had never known before....One
very much like myself....

I know you wish you could ask...and I feel
that yes...he did feel remorse...but I also
believe he never knew how to express his
feelings in a positive way...

Victoria
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Ascendant
since 2000-08-12
Posts 5869

15 posted 2002-03-01 03:38 PM


In a way you were lucky that you didnt have to go thru the fights everyday..my dad was an alcoholic and i wish i could have had peace and quiet once in a while..my mom left him after 30 years of marriage...but your dad was very lucky to have you for a daughter...im sure he realized that in the end..if not before...hugss

                ~Vic

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
16 posted 2002-03-01 03:48 PM


Floria, this is a remarkable piece to read.  You have been though so much and given so much to others.  Wish you were closer so I could give you a hug...I know he felt remorse in the end...he had to.
Well done, and I hope writing of this helped in the healing somewhat.
~Comforting hugs, Nancy~

~Time has cast a spell on you,
So that you won't ever forget me.~

strbbux
Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859

17 posted 2002-03-01 06:26 PM


Noah dear, thank you so much always for your kindness. floria

Magnus,thank you so much, my father wasn't much to himself, He was all to himself. a terrible gambler, never home. But we don't get to pick our parents. there must be a reason or lessons to learn in this. thanks so much. floria

Victoria, yes I do understand what you are saying. My father drank a lot also. I do understand, and it was better when he was not home. I am sorry for you too. These must be lessons for us to learn. floria

Floria

"Alas for those that never sing,
But die with all their music in them"
(Oliver Wendell Holmes)

strbbux
Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859

18 posted 2002-03-01 06:27 PM


Nancy yes it did help me to heal, everything I write helps me to heal. It is a God given gift, and isn't He just wonderful to send this tool to us. Thank you for all your kindness. and oh nancy, I felt the hug, floria

Floria

"Alas for those that never sing,
But die with all their music in them"
(Oliver Wendell Holmes)

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