Almost Wishing You Were A Ghost

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Temptress

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-06-15

Posts 7136
Mobile, AL

0 posted 2002-02-24 03:18 PM

Why of you does my mind think
when love so long ago lost
can never be tripped upon again.
Your laugh and smile were necessity to me then
and now they echo through my memories
curling places better left unsnuggled with.
I wish you would go away.
I have dreamed of love without thought of you for far too long
and yet wishing away will never speed the exit of remembering.
I suppose its the season sneaking up on me
but as I relished Winter,
perhaps my Spring will again be a heartbreaking one.
Please stop dancing with that sixteen through eighteen year old me in my dreams.
I can't bear at this moment to think
of how much I lost and how much was misunderstood.
I can't help but feel like a child again
when I dream of ways unsought
to find you again and clear my attic of things
kept for years that grieved for us
when we left love's ballroom floor.
Why am I dreaming so much of you at this moment
knowing that the next importance will take me away from it
and for some time longer I will put away my pain again?
Please stop coming out of the corner where I placed you,
standing there like that fourteen year old shy boy
wanting to dance with an audience
with a sixteen year old Goddess..
Please stop making me dream of you in my waking hours.
Maybe I should finally throw your love letters away
for I think the ghost of our love still haunts there
in pages that mock me with the laughter of our youth.
Maybe the spirit of you is all over me
staring at me through aged prom pictures
and sentimental momentos that signify you there
in the most memorable part of my younger life.
But if I were to throw those away
it would be like throwing myself away.
So why did you have to share nearly three years of my life
that I now wish I could stamp out so I could just forget the torture of you?
How many years has it been
Twenty-six will soon happne and although I have wrestled through wild urges,
A fooled and failed engagement with abuse,
marriage,
and finally two unexpected loves
you still haunt me relentlessly
and I still cannot throw away your letters.
But you will pass
and tomorrow
next week
next month
next year
when I dream or think of you again and hurt as I am at this moment,
It will seem but moments between the time that we
shared love
lost each other (although not necessarily lost love)
and but moments since I had last thought of you.
Please stop asking me to dance, shy boy
or I fear I'll have to find you.
Almost ten years and you're still alive in my heart
feeding off what little memory I could bear to give you
without pain getting in the way.
And I have closed myself off from possibility for far too long.
This is rambling
but I am hurting for it all.

For all who watch.Dare you say hello? Come in and ask the questions that are on your mind, but spare me your judgement until you truly sipped of me.

HelmutB
Senior Member

since 2000-01-06

Posts 964
Canada

1 posted 2002-02-24 03:32 PM

Very special the piece
as well as the person
Thx

The ability to describe life with words is similar to painting a picture; both can be powerful tools.

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

2 posted 2002-02-24 04:01 PM

(sigh) Such a heartaching expression of loves memories, sweet friend, my heart goes out to you and I hope you have found a love that is all you've ever desired and overshadows the past's confusion! (kiss on cheek) We all love you so much, sweet friend, this is wonderful! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Jenn, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

Auguste

Member Elite

since 2000-02-16

Posts 3953
By the sea

3 posted 2002-02-24 05:23 PM

I wish I could do this...teach me!

I have one such as this in my own memories. More than anything, this is a very loving tribute to someone that was and still is a big part of you. Nice writing, Jennifer. *hugs*

Michael

Michael Auguste~
There is more depth to the heart than the mind can comprehend and it only has boundaries when we choose to fence it in.

Moonlight Romeo

Senior Member

since 2001-09-10

Posts 982
The heart of you

4 posted 2002-02-25 09:32 AM

They will always be there, we can only just hope to keep them where they need to be.

Beautiuflly done, as is the poet. Thank you.

What light through yon window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

5 posted 2002-02-25 11:03 AM

Yes..the ghost do haunt...

nicely written and expressed as usual...

Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

6 posted 2002-02-25 09:04 PM

You certainly hurt well in this...very well
expressed....

Tracey
Member Elite

since 2001-08-29

Posts 2808
where insanity meets breeding

7 posted 2002-02-25 10:00 PM

I will just say…I understand this so well. Wish I didn’t, but I do. Think we can get a two for one deal on an exorcist!!! Lol

If she who dies with the most toys wins, then can I have some toy boys please?

Sven

Member Laureate

since 1999-11-23

Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA

8 posted 2002-02-26 01:17 PM

quote:
Maybe I should finally throw your love letters away
for I think the ghost of our love still haunts there
in pages that mock me with the laughter of our youth.

I find that few ever can my friend. . . this is excellent. . . the memory remains. . . and we, can only wonder. . . and smile. . . or cry. . .

well done. . .

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To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

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